I darted toward my opponent at full speed, tightly holding my rattan stick high over my right shoulder. I slammed my stick down with all my might, but the man in front of me stopped the blow with his own stick. He had two shorter sticks, and with the other he tried to get to my ribs. With a thrust of my wings, I dodged the hit leaping back to safe terrain. The gush of wind created by the flap of my wings made my sparring partner lose balance for a second.
Don't look, don't look, I kept repeating inside my head. Focus on Herbert, I said to myself as my partner recovered and dashed at me. But I couldn't resist the urge, and just as my opponent closed the distance between us, I turned my head to give a quick glance to Nadine, my team partner. I could see that she was sidestepping a blow with marvelous grace.
I focused my attention back to my opponent, swerving to my left just in time to miss a violent whack of his stick. I used mine to sweep his feet off the floor. Then I found my eyes slipping back to Nadine, who was tactfully serving a blow to the stomach at Tori, her sparring partner. Her wings were extended and sparkled with gold with each caress from the sun.
This was part of the normal activity of military angels. Waking up with the sound of the siren at 6am, breakfast at 7am, a whole day of class and training ahead of us, lunch and time to do our daily tasks. It was combat class which was always held at the backyard of the temple overlooking a high cliff. Wherever you looked on the pebbled court, you'd see angels fully enthralled on their own fighting rhumba.
My eyes kept returning to Nadine.
In combat training sometimes the sparring would be between you and your partner, when that was the case, I'd always let Nadine win. Other times, such as today, a group of partners fights against the other, each giving their best to be the last one standing.
The fight continued. I perceived that Herbert was becoming quite frantic at his inability to land one blow. I hadn't even broken a sweat. Fighting felt like a dance, attacking and dodging like in a choreography. If you see the stick coming at you: duck! dodge! If your opponent stumbles: strike! Attack! Hit! On group vs group practice, though, I was never much of an attacker; instead, I would use my opponent's slips to shoot a glance at Nadine. However swift, just to make sure she was ok.
Focus I told myself again, If I take Herbert down quickly, I could go help her and we'll be over in no time. I took a deep breath and made it my resolution to finish him off immediately, so I tightened my grip on the stick and made my move. Herbert felt the change and soon began fighting at full capacity. Soon, both of us had lost our sticks and we were entangled on a tight wrestle, each of us wanting to put the other to the floor. He kept throwing punches at my face, while I was doing my best to avoid them, and trying to sweep him off his feet with my wings.
I was sure the fight was about to be over between Herbert and me, when suddenly I heard a yelp. I couldn't help but redirect my eyes at Nadine, who was now lying on the floor while Tori, standing on top of her, was preparing to smack her on the face. I tried to get free from the entanglement of hands and wings between me and Herbert, but he caught me off guard and shoved me on the floor hard.
I grunted.
Before he could begin punching me, Captain Alphonse appeared and stopped the fight. At his appearance, both fights instantly broke and in no time, we had formed a line before him, our backs rod straight. Nadine to my left, and Herbert and Tori to my right.
Captain Alphonse -the terrible- walked toward us with the same air of superiority he always carried along. His back stood straight, his wings were fully extended, and his chin was raised.
When he reached us, the captain tucked his enormous wings on his back allowing me to see that the other duels on the temple's courtyard were slowly drifting apart to focus on whatever mayhem was about to unfold. With Alphonse, one always knew that the situation would get ugly.
Especially if I was involved.
He first addressed the other team. As he posed himself in front of the duo, I could swear I saw Herbert sweating profusely, frightened by the imposing angel. Such a beautiful angel he was, with ghostly pale skin, and blond cascading hair which he always kept bound with a white ribbon. Yet his eyes were a lethal blue, that felt like cold spikes whenever you crossed their path.
Herbert -the brute- was an enormous, sturdy angel. I suppose that's what you become when you steal everybody's lunch. Alphonse, though, was a savage and at his presence, Herbert's legs would become jelly.
Alphonse gave the brute two taps on his shoulder and offered him a reassuring smile. "You did good, son" he told him. Herbert's head lifted with smugness at the comment.
To Tori, the only woman as tall as Herbert, always posed and proud, he offered a smile "You were good too, Tori". The woman replied with a coquettish smile.
Having finished with the two mammoths, it was our turn. When Nadine and I saw him approaching, our bodies readjusted to the straight position that had already loosened a bit.
The captain morphed into a different person as he situated himself in front of Nadine. He was always a different person when addressing her. On that short walk from Tori to Nadine, I could see an instant change in his posture, which passed from stern to inviting. His eyes lost the frivolous touch and fell on my partner tenderly. He stepped too close to her, so she had to keep her head up to face him, being the shortest of the four at present.
I rolled my eyes; this guy disgusted me.
"You, Nadine, were splendid as always" he said while wearing the warmest of smiles. I felt my chest constricting watching him get so close to her. I tried my best to keep my gaze
straight not to see their interaction, but I couldn't keep my jaw from tightening at melodic sound of his voice when he spoke to her.
He used that tone of voice only with her.
Just like he had heard my teeth crush, he turned to me. All signs of tenderness gone.
I wasn't a bit surprised.
He eyed me with palpable hatred. "So, you're going to make me go over again, are you not, soldier?" he barked, and grimaced as if my aroma had repelled him.
"I apologize, sir" I said. I decided to keep him on his good side, maybe then the upcoming scolding would not escalate into something tragic. The disdain on his eyes held, though, and I knew my task had failed before it had even started.
He mimicked me "I apologize". He extended his arm toward Herbert and Tori and snapped his fingers, "What is he doing wrong, team B?" he demanded to know.
Herbert replied without hesitation, loud and clear "He is distracted, sir"
"What's keeping you distracted, soldier?" He asked me while shooting me one of his famous icy looks.
He already knew the reason.
I chose not to answer.
"Your partner is keeping you distracted," he roared, "you are more concerned about what is happening to her, and you keep on missing what is happening in front of you"
"I heard she was in pain" was the only thing that I could muster to say in my defense. He rolled his eyes so far back that only the whites were visible.
Alphonse put up two fingers in front of me "Two things, soldier" he spit. I did my best not to look at him directly by keeping my gaze straight. Behind him, the rest of the fights had subsided, and a large crowd of angels stared expectantly. The situation, then, felt more like public humiliation than the lesson Alphonse was playing it out to be.
"First thing" he continued "Fight for yourself, focus on yourself first. A hurt individual will find the way to make a comeback, but if your partner dies and it gets you distracted, that's two deaths."
"Second thing. Having esteem for your partner is always good…" He yelled.
I almost snorted at his choosing of the word esteem, because he knew that what Nadine and I shared was further than just esteem. He would never admit to that out loud, though.
"But the way that's to be translated on the battlefield is by fighting twice as hard to ensure you are reunited after war" he finished off, "Is that clear?"
The four of us answered in unison "Yes, sir".
"I really hope it is, because I don't like repeating myself" he spit, "And you sure have made me repeat myself a lot.
"There will be no lunch for you today. You will tell the cafeteria staff that you'll be doing the dishes and the cleaning up today" he said turning his back to us, dismissive.
So, I really caught him in a good mood today, I though, oh, the sweet little triumphs of life.
Yet I flinched as the gentle voice of Nadine broke the silence. I sighed in irritation. What would she say today? Would she advocate for me and get me into more trouble? Would she plead to share the punishment and get me into more trouble?
The options were surely vast.
"Captain, I believe I was also in the wrong and I wish to share the punishment" she beckoned with her little gentle voice.
The claim reached Alphonse just as he was walking away, so he had his back to us. He stopped for a minute as considering it, but was soon to answer dismissively, "your wish is denied, you were in no wrong"
"Sir, but I let my guard down because I kept looking at my partner" Nadine complained.
It was always unnerving to hear her speak to the captain with such nonchalance and not get into trouble -not even if she was asking for it-.
"Is that so?" Alphonse said superficially, pretending to be distracted by grooming a disheveled feather.
"Yes, sir. She was distracted" Tori was quick to speak, always looking for a way of getting Nadine into trouble.
Alphonse finally snapped, shooting Tori the nastiest of looks. The tall lady tensed in terror and gulped.
"You will not be punished, Nadine." The captain said, finally daring to look at her.
"But sir…"
"And that's final!" he stopped her abruptly. However hard he had tried to keep it under control, his frustration had become visible.
Nadine let out a small shriek and straightened her back again, her eyes lost ahead. After all, even though the captain tried to keep his cool around her, she still knew his real nature. She was petrified by him, and the snap, however small and contained it had been, scared her.
At the realization of his mistake, he hurried toward Nadine wearing an apologetic face. He extended his white wings as to now keep the conversation private among us -a privilege I'd never have-.
"Look" he began, any trace of authority gone. Just looking at him like that, I was thankful Nadine had opened her mouth this time.
"Keep the rules in mind next time, that's it. There will be no punishment" he said.
"Nadine" he said, "Do not chastise yourself if you're not up to par with your fighting skills. You are a woman, and I'm certain that sooner than later you will be married, adjusting to a new life out of the military"
Nadine gasped.
Herbert and Tori broke their stance and shared stupefied looks.
I grimaced; I couldn't believe the guy.
"With all due respect, sir. You seem not to think the same about the rest of the women here." I exclaimed indignantly.
He raised an eyebrow and flashed a dirty look at me. He looked livid, and I wanted to show him somehow that the feeling was mutual.
"Are you implying that I hold favoritisms?" He roared at me. His wings rose high in defiance making him look bigger and intimidating.
I was so angry and revolted at his words, though, that I wouldn't have flinched even if I were about to fight God.
"If the feather fits" I said, highlighting each of the words.
Alphonse's killing gaze was fixated on me, "Fight me" he demanded with such determination that I knew it was real.
Stupid I thought to myself. This had been the first time Nadine hadn't gotten me into more trouble, and I had ruined it. How was I supposed to fight a captain? Fight with all my prowess and risk enraging him even more or not fight at all and risk humiliation.
Behind his wings I could see the crowd of angels wresting to get the better view. Excitement arising.
Nadine darted in front of me with her arms extended, "Sir, please. I apologize on behalf of…"
"That's enough, Nadine!" He snapped at her, not really caring about the effects. It had actually seemed like Nadine's intervention had fueled his anger even more.
"Open up! Give us some space" he shouted the order at the three soldiers on my sides. Herbert and Tori gladly obeyed, but Nadine faltered -she was totally distressed.
I didn't want to fight the captain.
"Soldier, put your fists up and fight me" Alphonse commanded.
At the shout of the order, I realized that there was no going back. I put up my fists on a defense stance and opened my legs once in front of the other.
He was confidently pacing around, warming up his body; and me, I was petrified.
He prowled toward me with his fists up, looking for a break on my defense. I decided that my best choice was to never give him one. He tried reaching me with a swift kick, legs fully extended, but I leaped back. Although his defense had broken, I didn't take the chance to attack. Instead, I used that brief time to look at Nadine. Our eyes met.
She was frightened.
"Look at me!" he roared as he dashed at me, tearing my guard. He tackled me; I could feel my lower stomach aching from the impact of his shoulders. I was soon on the floor. He was trying to punch me, and I kept evading his fists. We wrestled for a while, and he managed to land two hard punches on my left temple.
I was a little fazed by the blows, but I still managed to break free and serve him a row of kicks when he tried to come at me again. With a flap of my wings, I lifted myself. Not long after my legs had touched the floor, he flew at me like a rocket and locked me on an oak tree.
I grunted in pain.
He threw punch after punch not really caring where his fists would land.
I shoved him with my legs and flapped my wings to escape. He caught me mid-air with another punch to the face. He then forced me to the ground with a knee to my stomach that blew the breath out of me.
Dizzy, winded and in pain, I decided to lean back and accept my defeat in hopes of giving him the satisfaction he wanted. While I waited for the ordeal to be over, I redirected my glance at Nadine.
Her eyes were wide open, and her hands were finding their way to her mouth as a fist collided with my eye. My vision began blurring and the sounds were drowned by a buzz on my ear.
In the distance a faint cry emerged, I knew it was Nadine. I felt another strike breaking my nose.
Black dots appeared on my vision, and although my ears were buzzing intently, I could hear the captain's muffled last words.
"You fucking crow" he murmured spitefully.
"You ruined my uniform with your filthy blood" he snapped
"Get him out of my sight!" he ordered.
I felt a tug of magic enveloping and lifting my body as I passed out.
***
I opened my eyes. At least one of them.
The buzz in my ears had disappeared, allowing me to hear the wheezing that would come up anytime I took a breath. I was lying down, face up, my body extended, and somebody was cuddling my head on her lap.
I tried to pull myself to a sitting position, but a pang on my head stopped me short. I grunted in pain. The black dots appeared on my vision again.
The angel behind me shushed and aided my head back on her lap. Silky fingers caressed my face, leaving a trail of cold where they touched. The woman was sitting with her legs folded. She crouched her back a little to scan my face. Through my good eye I saw Nadine, her light-yellow eyes surveying my face, her face framed by her curly honey-brown hair.
Knowing I was in her arms made me feel at peace and I allowed myself to close my eyes and relax.
"You look like hell" she murmured.
"I do feel like hell, too" I said and grunted again as the movement of my lips unleashed a lightning of pain on my nose. She shushed again.
"Don't worry about the cleaning the kitchen, I can do that for you" She whispered. Typical Nadine, always trying to save me from hard work.
I tried my best to keep my face still, lest another aching blow hit me. I kept my eyes closed and tried to keep my face as still as possible "No. Punishment for me"
"You're in no condition to do any clean up. Your nose is sideways, and your eye is swelling. Leave it to me, just a little pinch of magic and problem solved. It will take me no more than fifteen minutes" she exclaimed.
Again, typical Nadine, never accepting no for an answer.
I let out another sigh, "Nad…" I started, but she shushed me softly. I was in the clouds.
"I know what you're about to say" she murmured "and I'm not accepting no for an answer. How am I going to let you do that in your condition? You are hurt, and you will be hungry too"
"Ok" I whispered; I really had no energy to fight back. She kept caressing my face so tenderly, that I began to doze off.
"I should really get started on your wounds; they look painful. All this area is really swelling up" she said while giving me little pats on my left cheekbone and my eyebrow, leaving a painful trace of ice. "It's all purple and green. Looks disgusting"
I tried to feign a smile despite the pain, "Ouch, Thank you" I said sarcastically.
She replied with a cute giggle "And luckily for you, not even your current state can make you look ugly"
"Now, that's better" I smiled slightly. I opened my good eye to examine her and although she returned my smile, she couldn't hide the concern beneath it.
She started shifting her weight to stand up, carefully cushioning my head on her hands "So let me just go find a piece of cloth and I'll be back to heal you" she was saying but I protested before she could put me off her tights.
"No, please" I exclaimed with urgency. The sudden movement had made my head throb again. "I don't want him to see"
"How about tonight by the tarn?" I asked.
"But how will you manage the rest of the day? they really DO look like serious wounds" she expressed her concern, but this time she didn't insist because deep down we both knew he would find a way to make my punishment worse if he saw us.
"I could try my luck with the nurse" I tried joking, but my inability to move my face made it sound serious.
"That'll be just a waste of energy, you know…"
"I know, I was just trying to be funny" I interrupted. I looked at her. Her brows and lips were arched in a worried frown. She was lost in thought for a while, I supposed deciding whether to leave me wounded or to heal me despite my plead.
"Take" She said at last "I'll give you a gift for defending me" she pressed the tips of her fingers on my wounds. At first the touch felt awful, but a tinge of magic washed through, and all trace of pain instantly left. I couldn't open my eye still, and my nose kept squeaking evetime I breathed, but the magic had erased the pain completely.
"How does that feel?" she asked
I pulled myself in a sitting position and turned to face her. I touched my face for the first time -it felt numb and swollen-. My left eye was but a mere slit cleaving two swollen bumps and my nose had an unnatural curve to the right.
"Thanks, Nad. I feel way better" I grinned, and my mouth was suddenly sprayed with a metallic-flavored liquid.
Nadine frowned deeply, so I guessed it was blood. "I'll go wash up" I said, and she nodded in agreement.
She stood up, offered her hand, and helped me up.
"I'll miss you at lunch" she said as we parted our way.
***
Entertia is what we call the angel's realm. It is an extensive mountain range, and on their highest peaks three reigns are located: Pritia, Sectia and Tirtia.
Pritia is the royal city -where the queen and king live- the only one with a flourishing market where merchants from the other two cities would come to sell their goods. Being the royal city, it is also the place where important decisions are taken.
Pritia is located on the highest peak of the mountain range, the one that usually sits above the clouds. The queen's chateau lies at the summit, with the rest of the city cascading below. The houses rest over plateaus, all connected by an intricate set of stone stairs and varied vegetation of all kinds and sizes. The city is a picturesque mix of colors, adorned with red rose bushes, purple jacarandas, pink Sakura trees, and enormous silk cotton trees.
Flying through the city in the dark, the color of the vegetation wasn't as vibrant, but the beauty of the town was still stunning to the eye. It was very late at night, and all lights were out, so I made my way down the mountain with only the moon light as my guide. I flew down the marketplace, the wooden carts left there for the following day. In the middle of the square lay a huge marble statue of Archangel Michael, wearing his battle armor and brandishing his sword up high with one arm.
I passed through the poorer area of the city too on my way down, where the mountain was steeper, and the unlucky houses were slowly succumbing to the extreme conditions. Finally, I flew way below, past a part of the mountain untouched by angel's hands. I redirected my flight toward the light of a bonfire by the side of an ample, oval tarn. I landed, bending my knees a little to stifle the impact, and walked toward the light.
As I made my way to it, I sheathed my wings. Slowly, my wings started retracting inside my skin, starting with the scapulars and working their way until my primary feathers were all sucked in. I shook at the unpleasant feeling, but after the sheathing, no trace of my wings was to be found on my back.
Nadine was already there waiting for me, sitting down, her legs folded and her back leaning on the huge boulder that marked our place. We liked to escape from our dorms every now and then to come here and talk. As I came closer to the fire, she lifted her head in recognition and offered me a warm, welcoming smile. I tried to return the gesture, but my bruises impeded me.
The fire crackling and my nose wheezing, magical sounds all around.
"How did it go with the kitchen?" I said while finding my way next to her. I sat beside her leaning on the boulder. She looked happy to see me, her smile broad and unmovable.
"Just as I assured you, a flick of the wrist and the dishes were squeaky clean, and all piled up. Another flick and they are safe in their cabinets. Another one and the floor was swept and mopped. You should have been there. It felt like conducting an orchestra" She answered
"Well, I should have been there, alright, cleaning stuff myself." I said, biting my lips trying to stifle a smile. I was so happy to be able to share moments like these with her.
"That was not an option" she looked at me with a teasing smile "Just put it under the list of things you owe me"
"I lost count, you know. You will never let me clear my debt"
"Because there's no debt to pay, you silly" she explained, as she kneeled in front of me and dragged her body close "You can either think it that way, or you could just accept that you already owe your whole life to me"
We shared a warm smile.
"I prefer that" I try to look her in the eyes, but in front of the bonfire, she was only a silhouette encased by a corona of light. "I prefer to believe that I owe you my whole life. There's NOTHING I wouldn't do for you, you know"
"The feeling is mutual" she whispered as she took a finger to my chin and lifted my face up. She moved her body slightly to allow the light to reach my bruises "He really hit you hard, didn't he? I can even see the contour of his ring"
"I really don't know how I look. Your magic left me numb in the face if it weren't for the squeaking I wouldn't even notice. The rest of the angels kept staring though, so I guess I must look bad"
"Well, let's get to it" she said.
Nadine slightly raised one of her wings and plucked one of her alula feathers. "I have to resettle your nose before healing it, otherwise it will stay crooked"
"I still feel kind of numb, so don't hesitate to fuck me up a bit more" I rested my head against the cold stone behind me.
She put the feather down, securing it under her knee. She looked flustered about what she was about to do. She shook her head and shoulders to ease her anxiety and took a couple of deep breaths.
"Did Alphonse miss me during the rest of the day?" I asked, trying to distract her, to calm her down.
She only snickered.
She raised one hand palm up and conjured a ball of light that took off and settled, floating, close to my face. I had seen her do the trick unnumerable times, but it never seized to amaze me with the ease she had to summon magic when no other angel could -at least not without the use of crystals-. With better illumination, I could finally grasp the features of her face; her chrysoberyl eyes, the caramel of her skin, her delicate nose, and her two little dimples. I absorbed her.
She pressed her thumbs to my nose, "Oh yes, he was so concerned about you that he kept pestering me" she said with sarcasm. I reckoned he didn't harass her to talk about me exactly.
Without any warning, she slid my nose back in place. I cried out. The numbing magic was already wearing off, so the movement had hurt more than expected. Tears collected on my eyes. The wheezing stopped, allowing the crackling of the bonfire to take over.
I felt hot liquid run down my nose, pass through my lips, and drip from my chin. I supposed it was blood. Nadine had prepared for that in advance, as she procured a cloth from her uniform's pocket. She laid the cloth on a grass patch and hovered her hand above it, summoning a small grey cloud that soon started pouring. When the piece was wet enough, she took it. With a swat, the cloud disappeared.
I snickered, "Show off" I said.
She smirked and started to wipe my chin with the wet cloth.
"You know, I´m getting used to getting beat up by all your suitors" I said playfully. She snorted audibly, "The soldiers are not so bad, I can usually scare them off easily. I just never had to face a captain. How do I fight a captain?"
"I know, isn't it so strange?" she exclaimed, bewildered "I understand it from the soldiers; I understand it from the new cadets too, I mean they're young and impressionable." She let out an audible sigh "I just find it hard to believe that a captain may fancy me"
"And why is that?" I asked her, puzzled.
"What do you mean why?" she asked incredulous "Because I'm a nobody. I have no parents, I have no last name, no place in society. Why would he even bother with me?"
I put both my hand on my face and threw my head back in disbelief "Oh Nad, do me a favor!!"
When I came back to face her, she was looking at me open-mouthed "Enlighten me, then, grand Mel the all-knowing" she teased and tossed the bloodied cloth to my chest. I grabbed it and put it on the floor, leaving a cold wet spot on my pajama shirt.
Nad, look at you" I murmured as I cupped her face with my hands. She blushed.
Suddenly I wasn't supping her cheeks anymore, I was pinching them excitedly "Your skin color is so pretty, and so is your hair, and your eyes, and nose and lips and dimples…"
She chuckled and jerked away from my clap "Stop it!" she barked.
"You look like if God had carved you himself. So no, I don't find it strange that angels fall for you like leaves in autumn. Whether a soldier or a captain, an angel or a demon." I concluded.
"That's so sweet to say" She lowered her head, hiding a smile.
I smiled too and let myself get lost in the moment. My thumb was tinkling violently, and I knew exactly why, because a thread had been tied from my thumb to her pinky by fate. The thread was invisible, yet the connection was tangible. I knew she felt it too, and I could only rejoice at the thought that we belonged to each other.
Still, the link we shared made me feel guilty.
"And I also think that you would be a fool not to accept his advances" I said, my smile receding.
"What would you say that?"
"Because it seems like he doesn't care that you're a soldier, He fancies you anyway" I exclaimed, but she kept shaking her head in disbelief. I grabbed her shoulders, and our eyes locked, "What he said today was not just a lame attempt to soothe things, I believe he is making plans…"
"And so, what?" she snapped, she jerked her shoulders free from my hold. "What should I care if he likes me or not? Just look at what he did to your face. How could I even think about accepting him when he's a savage?"
"Don't be so blind, Nad!" I cried out, a tinge of frustration was building up inside me, so I pressed my thumb and my middle finger to my temple, "He's not like that with you. If he wants to marry you say yes. He can give you a house, he can give you riches, a last name, a place on society. And most importantly, he can give you a family"
"And what makes you think I want those things?" she barked, irritated.
"Who doesn't?"
"I don't!"
"Do you even know what you want in life, Nad?" I asked, and the phrase seemed to do the trick because she stopped arguing.
With a never-ending frown she grabbed the feather from under her knee. She pressed it to my nose and cheeks, using a little too much force -perhaps out of spite-. It hurt. Soon, I started feeling a tinge of magic tickling my face and the feather absorbed into my skin. I was healed.
I noticed because suddenly I could see with both my eyes.
The discussion was not over for me, though. As she started to stand up, I grabbed her arm and pulled her down again, "Do you want to live the rest of your life as a soldier? being the scum of the scum, sleeping in bunker beds, showering in communal showers, and eating the cheap excuse of food we're given?"
She jerked her hand off mine "I really don't care, Mel" she yelled.
"This is not what you deserve, Nad!" I bellowed.
"I may not know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm not sure whether I want to continue being a soldier, or If I will try my luck looking for a job once I turn of age. The only thing that's certain is that I WANT TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE"
By my side.
She wanted to stay by MY side.
Her words struck me like a tornado.
My heart started drumming so aggressively, it reverberated throughout my whole body. She dragged her body closer to me again -closer this time-, and placed her hands on the sides of my neck.
I lowered my eyes to her lips. I had gawked at her lips before, so I was familiarized with the way they lightly arched down. Her lips were parted as if expecting a kiss. My heart was a mess now, and my breathing had become deep and uneven.
My thug was tickling aggressively. Me and her, it was meant to be like this.
Instinctively, I slid my hands to her waist and pulled her closer. I gulped. Strongly resisting the urge to finally possess her, of finally accepting that fate had bound us together and that she was mine. The guilt was stronger, though, I was utterly ashamed of that desire.
How could I? How could I claim her as mine when I could give her nothing in return? It was laughable to think that me, a half demon, was linked to the most perfect angel ever. To surrender to my desire would only deprive her of a better chance in life. However tempting her lips were, and however alluring her waist felt in my arms, the feeling of inadequacy was stronger.
Didn't God have a sick sense of humor? Binding me to her, but giving me black feathers to make sure I could never have her.
He must be guffawing right now, I thought.
Her lips were ready for mine to arrive, but they never did. I pushed her instead. I tried so hard to keep my gaze off her face, I knew her reaction would only break me.
"Do you remember the first time you found me here?" I murmured.
"Ripping your feathers off? How could I forget" She scooched away from me and the sphere of light suddenly disappeared.
"I was scared that you wouldn't like my black feathers. I was so scared that they would disgust you away, just like they had with my last partners"
Every partner I had been assigned in the past had asked for a change as soon as new recruits started arriving. Disgusted by my wings, they wouldn't even give me an opportunity.
I drifted off into a time deep in my memories.
I was sitting by the boulder at the side of the tarn. I was shredding tears after tears, unable to stop them. Something like a tornado was ravaging my mind, except there was no wind, only emotions. Shame, guilt, fear, rage; whenever one emotion disappeared, another would surface.
Nadine evoked those feelings in me.
Thinking about her always drove me down a slippery slope that ended in torment.
Only the moon illuminated the night, but it was enough. The black feathers contrasted with the white ones; the division was clear, the coverts were white, and everything below was black.
Oh! How I despised my wings, how ashamed I was of them. After all, they were to blame.
My mom had been taken away from me because of them.
Everywhere I went, people would treat me as trash because of them.
Nobody would take me as a partner because of them.
And they were about to scare Nadine away, -The only angel I had ever desired to keep by my side-.
I clutched a bunch of long, black feathers tight in my hands and furiously yanked them off. It left a trail of pain. It was pain that I deserved. I repeated it with my other wing; clutch, pull, grunt and repeat. All around me, feathers lay on the ground and swiveled with the breeze.
Suddenly, the sound of crunching grass filled the air, and I realized someone was walking toward me. Someone had found me and was about to see me at my lowest point. I started to imagine all the possible scenarios; a soldier finding me and using this weakness to degrade me, a higher official finding me and punishing me for escaping.
The only solution would be to fly off, but I couldn't. There was a pool of black feathers around me that could be traced to me; besides, the emotions had left me weary, I didn't want to fight it, it didn't matter anymore. I couldn't fall lower, that was for sure.
The other scenario was Nadine.
It was Nadine.
A sphere of light illuminated her and she was walking toward me, gracefully, carefully, as if approaching a dangerous animal. With all the ripped feathers scattered around me, maybe that's what I looked like.
At that moment, I realized how wrong I had been thinking that nothing could drop me lower. I could easily endure a soldier picking at me, just as I could endure a punishment. Nadine seeing me like in this state, though, I couldn't endure.
"So, this is where you come every night" she murmured when she was close to me. The light sphere orbited around me as she scanned everything, the feathers, my crying face, and the red blotches on my wings.
I had lost.
"I'm sorry" I sobbed.
She crouched in front of me, "For what exactly? because I found you like this or because you have black feathers?" she asked softly.
I didn't answer. I didn't dare look at her either.
She made me look, though, grabbing my chin and directing my face to hers. She brought a hand up and wiped my tears. When our eyes finally met, I saw she was alarmed, and her expression drifted me away to the day my mom had been taken. The two feelings of that day revived inside me, I felt dread and terror.
A younger Nadine was looking at me, her features still not mature, but I knew she would grow up to become a beautiful woman. Her eyes were glassy with tears, and I wondered if she too had been severed from her mother, or if she had been abandoned. I wondered if she had also felt terror, or if she had felt something else. Maybe she was trying to comfort me in a way that she had needed.
She drew me close and locked me in a tight embrace.
The world was usually cruel with me so, of all the outcomes I had imagined, this felt like the least probable. Still, it was happening. I returned the hug to confirm she was real and that this was really happening.
"They're just feathers, Mel." She said, while breaking the hug to look at my face again.
"Look, see?" she commanded the light sphere to hover over her wings. The feathers were alabaster white, and as the light shone over them, they sparkled with gold, "My plumage is not completely white either"
She had arrived from the orphanage in Pritia a week before. All angel orphans are bound to join the military once their wings start developing at age 6. Two more orphans had arrived with her, and being the odd one out, she had been paired with the only unpaired soldier -me-
As her partner, one of my duties was to help with her wings. During the last week I had taught her to sheath and unsheathe them, I had helped pluck out embedded feathers and I had helped her preen and groom them. I had spent hours of my life tending her wings, so I was well aware of their color.
It was beautiful, despite not being bleached white.
"Your wings are beautiful" I murmured.
"That's what angels say, they say they're exotic. That's because they're different" she said, while placing a strand of my hair behind my ear "What makes you believe your wings are not the same?"
"I've never been told my wings are exotic"
"Well, they are. They're beautiful. They're different. I like them better than the rest" she smiled.
"People treat me bad because of my wings; I am HATED because of their color"
"Well maybe you can start by believing that they treat you like that not because your wings are ugly, but because they're beautiful. They are jealous" she exclaimed.
The way she touched me, the way her dimples flashed when she smiled, her smell of citrus, the way she looked at me, had stopped the hurricane of emotions that had been afflicting me. She felt like medicine I so badly needed.
"It's not so simple"
"I know, but that's the best I can offer" she reached for her wings and carefully plucked some of her primary feathers. "Hey look. You like my wings, right? Then take." She shoved the feathers on my wings, until they settled. I was frozen in place, dumbfounded.
"How did you find me?" I asked
"It's just crazy" she giggled "I followed a tug on my pinky finger. It seems like I am connected to you- somehow"
I instinctively touched my thumb, and marveled at how every time I'd spend time with her, I would feel it tickle. That's why I had known Nadine was special since the beginning and had tried so hard to keep her by my side.
"So, it seems like it doesn't matter how much you try to run away from me, Mel. I will always find you, like the river finds the sea" she smiled as she tapped my chin.
The realization had left me breathless. Me -of all angels- had found my match. My mom had explained to me a long time ago that not all angels lived to feel it, but that she had found it with my dad.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked in disbelief.
"You're my partner. My responsibilities are to always protect you, and to be there for you"
"That's just out of courtesy, you know. You don't have any real responsibilities with me just because I was assigned your partner" I snapped.
"Stop resisting me so much" she tapped her pointy finger on my chest "I want to be a good partner to you. Not because of the rules. You are like me in a way, you have no family, and I don't have any family either. Let's be each other's family, then"
I kept silent.
"Please, say that you agree, or I'll really feel like a fool" she pleaded.
"I want to be your family too" I murmured.
Nadine sat across from me with her legs bent up and she was staring at me. How long had it been since I had lost myself in thought? I don't know. I had completely gotten lost in a sea of memory.
"So, why would you bring that up, now?" She asked
"Because that's when I realized that you and I were family. Nad, that's what you are for me. A sister? A mother? I don't know, but family nonetheless"
"Family?" she snapped. Her voice cracked.
"Yes, and at the end of the day families drift apart, they leave the nest." I barked "What I am trying to say here is that Alphonse is the kind of guy that you deserve, and I would really like my sister to be his wife"
Liar, my heart shrieked.
Without the light from the sphere, I could not see her face, so I had no hint of what she was feeling. But her breathing had become deep and shaky. I had hurt her.
"You know Mel, I'm tired. I will be going to bed now" she whispered as she stood up.
Only her silhouette was visible against the fire. She was wearing her sleeping gown and the uniform jacket on top. Against the fire, her sleeping gown was transparent, so my eyes fell to rest on the enticing curve of her hips. She was different from the scrawny little girl she had been when I first met her.
"I´ll see you tomorrow. Good night" I said, trying my best to pretend indifference.
I followed her with my eyes as she bent her legs and leaped, catching herself in the air with her delicate wings. The wings I had seen grow during the years. The gust of wind that came was powerful, it thinned the fire to a mere spark but immediately relit to a bright, hungry flame.
I followed Nadine on her way back to Pritia.
My heart ached.