Alright, I've about fucking had it with this dumb load of bullshit, somebody just tell me why God hated me so much he forced me into this senile old wannabe thug's mind, for FUCK'S SAKE. This should be a fucking maximum sentence for a war criminal who violates every law 100 times or an illegal psychological torture method, NOT A GODDAMN WAY OF LIFE.
(The first of many breathers because there'll be quite a bit of yelling throughout this thing as the stupidity grows and the sanity losses greaten)
Please, somebody, just please, let me be a fucking human, and not just to do something in life or be worth something, I want to be a hero, and I know the perfect way I could become one. Maybe I could make a time machine, and who knows, I could go back in time to 9 months before the senile old fuck was born, and then maybe, just maybe, I could hold who would be his dad at gunpoint and force him to wear a condom, because if the father wore a condom, there would almost 100% be none of the senile old fuck, and the world would be a much better place without him, now only... IF THIS WASN'T JUST A FUCKING FANTASY. God, just kill me already, I don't wanna deal with this bullshit anymore. Fuck this world, fuck this world, FUCK THIS GODDAMN WORLD. Oh, you're listening to me? Now that I've calmed down, I'd like to apologize for... my little outburst. But trust me, when you get to know what I have to be, you'll think I have the best temper control in the world for only verbally lashing out.
So, I'm someone's conscience, sorry, used to be someone's conscience, or something, for that matter. Well, I'm Tony's Banished conscience, I guess, but he didn't want a functioning moral compass. Tony? Well, yeah, I used to be in the mind of Tony, Tony Stevenson, white guy from Suburban Los Angeles. He had it all, rich parents who could bribe or death-threaten his teachers into giving him straight A+'s, because he was too lazy to do a singular assignment, a private school education, a big mansion half the size of a farm to live in, 12 different chefs depending on what he wanted to eat, a big yacht that had at least a dozen hot chicks on it at all times, hell, he was born into the most powerful family in possibly fucking world history. Except there was one problem with him. So, see, his parents were rich like I said, but they're a lot richer than you'd think. In fact, they were so rich they had complete control of damn near the whole city. What I mean is everyone else in the city had a business, entirely funded by Tony's parents, and Tony could just go crying to his parents and his parents would cut off the funding for whoever he wanted to see get destroyed. If a business had no funding, it'd go bankrupt, which means no money, and with no money, they'll go homeless. Basically, if someone even tried to stand up from themself and Tony didn't like it, he could just make the whole city homeless. and Tony knew that damn well. And unfortunately, he took full advantage of that, and by no means was that a good thing.
Yeah, so Tony was quite the bully. You know, the typical arrogant, self-absorbed rich kid who thought the world were just a bunch of his servants. He mostly did basic bully stuff, calling the lonely kid names, hitting random kids, stealing lunch money, even throwing rocks at poor kids who didn't even know Tony was anywhere near them. It was all basic bullying, except... there was no such thing as standing up or fighting back, not when Tony was the bully, because, you know the homelessness and the unemployment. It wasn't like the city was just a big load of cowards, trust me, a few people stood up for themselves, and they persisted. Then immediately became homeless in a matter of days, and depending on who we were talking about, those either made people actually scared, which was maybe 5 or 6 people, but most people starting meeting up in secret... so they could kill Tony's parents and finally balance power and teach humility to the pathetic excuse of a person, who, of course, was Tony.
It didn't take long until both of Tony's parents were dead. On literally Tony's 18th birthday, a young hitman found Mr. and Mrs. Stevenson at a bar, so he walked in, found the two, and started firing like crazy, dead-set on making sure Mr. and Mrs. Stevenson didn't live to see another day. In fact, the damage was so bad they had to call in 88 ambulances and at least 200 nurses just to get Tony's parents on a goddamn stretcher. Now they were set to see either heaven or hell in the next 24 hours. Except they hadn't wrote a will, but neither were even given the tiniest of chances to be able to do so. So, the will writing was put in the hands of one of Tony's aunts, probably from a completely different time zone or something, but the thing was... she hated Tony, especially how coddled and spoiled he was. The aunt that got put in charge of the will completely hated Tony's very existence, down to his fucking blood cells, and the uncle hated Tony no less. In fact, the uncle actually hired the hitmen and was an active part of the murder. Just to get it out of the way, the uncle got 2 life sentences for 2 counts of 1st-degree murder. But the aunt was convincing enough that she wasn't labeled an accessory. With the freedom, she gave Tony his first and probably last reality check ever: Tony got nothing, no money, no assets, nothing. And what happened with his parents' money and assets? They were equally distributed across the rest of Suburban Los Angeles' residents. I'm guessing it was half a middle finger to Tony, half pity for the residents' suffering. Most likely a combination of both. And Tony did NOT take that well.
(FLASHBACK: The will reading)
John "I'm Important, and You're Not" Lawyer-Doe(JLD): [reads the will Tony's aunt wrote]
Tony Stevenson(TS): (visibly furious) WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! WHERE THE HELL IS THE REAL WILL, I KNOW THAT'S NOT THE REAL WILL!
JLD: And may I ask how you know the will I just read is fake?
TS: IT JUST IS, OKAY?
JLD: That doesn't count as an answer. The will is NOT fake because you say so.
TS: (even more pissed off): YES IT IS, BECAUSE I JUST KNOW IT IS.
JLD: For fuck's sake, just get some fucking anger management classes-
(Back to what Tony's Banished Conscience is saying)
That singular sentence triggered Tony so much he started trying to beat the living shit out of the lawyer. It wasn't even like he slapped John across the face or hit him in the heat of the moment, just straight up trying to kill him, because Tony spent his whole life watching people have their internal organs shipped to Cuba if they dared to even think of saying the word "no". Yeah, Tony was that fucking spoiled and entitled. John had to call all the fucking security units in the building just to get Tony off of him and dragging Tony out of the building, screaming that John was "stealing what was rightfully his".
You'd think that Tony would be intelligent enough to accept that he wouldn't be getting shit or at least challenge the will through to law if he was so convinced the will was a lie, but no, Tony retaliated in a way so stupid he got forcibly shipped to another city. Because desperate people do desperate things, or dumbasses do dumbass things, in Tony's case.
You wanna know what Tony's "bright idea" was? Well, let me introduce to the world of identity theft and fraud, and a notorious case of just that, forever known as the "Loan Shark Incident". So what Tony basically did was he got almost all of Suburban Los Angeles residents' identities, you name it, one of the kids he bullied, former business owners, hell, even a goddamn legally deceased toaster, with the one identity he didn't use being his own. Then he'd sneak into his local loan sharks' Discord servers through hundreds of accounts, show the ID, and then request a huge sum of money to be transferred to his Greenlight account, out of all the fucking platforms he could've gotten the money, then he used the money to fund his luxurious lifestyle, of course, because what rich person would want to give up their life? Tony Stevenson? Fuck no. In fact, all of the loans he took in total from the loan sharks amounted to $61,115,208,219. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. Over 61 billion fucking dollars was how much Tony got across all the identities he used that weren't his. It was damn near the dumbest crime ever, ambitious, but dumb. In fact, the only reason Tony even succeeded was because it was online. But Tony got too greedy. And that would be how he got arrested.
So, you see, the chief police officer for the LAPD department, Ronald Regin was scrolling through his Discord servers, then someone named "PleaseLetMeBeAPoliceOfficer" goes into Ronald's DMs and leaks Tony's Greenlight account. Ronald, since of course he had no fucking idea his ex-wife was being hunted by two angry loan sharks for a $69,420 loan that was never repaid, just sent the guy a question mark. Than the guy messages Ronald saying that Tony Stevenson has put half of Suburban Los Angeles into unescapable loan shark debt and leaks Tony's DMs with his only friend, showing Tony bragging about the crime and how his victims were utterly stupid. Ronald went on a manhunt for Tony, partially because Tony fully admitted to committing crimes, and partially because the lives of his three kids he only saw once every weekend depended on it. Ronald pulled up at Tony's mansion, because where else would Tony be, put him in handcuffs, dumped Tony off at a place called the Wish.com Ghetto, then resolved everything with the loan sharks by exposing Tony's fraud.
And from that day on, Tony was forever known as The Homeless Man, because he'd lost all possibility of being respected in Suburban Los Angeles ever again. I mean, who in the Wish.com Ghetto would be worthy of respect? The Wish.com Ghetto? Oh yeah, that's where Tony... I mean, The Homeless Man was sent to spend the rest of his life. It was a pretty shitty (Oh shit, I rhymed) place, and that was to put it nicely. I mean, it's the type of place where dead cockroaches get food and drink before you, where you live inside a square made out of two twigs where you're supposed to be grateful you had something to live inside of, and where you'd wear shoes made out of the air. The fucking air. THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO WEAR AIR SHOES MADE OUT OF THE GODDAMN AIR? That's basically walking barefoot, for crying out loud. And that's not even the fucking end of the rabbit hole-
David(DAV): "HEY, YOU SIMPS, SENILE DUMBASSES, WANNABE THUGS, THOSE WHO THINK YOU'RE A FUCKING FELON JUST BECAUSE YOU DREW INVISIBLE LETTERS AND CALLED IT GRAFFITI, THOSE WHO ARE PERMANENTLY VIRGIN LOSERS, AND ESPECIALLY YOU RICHARD, WHO THOUGHT A CHESSBOARD WAS A LANDSCAPE PAINTED BY BOB ROSS, GET YOUR PATHETIC ASSES TO THE TERMITE BLOCK AND SPEND HALF THE DAY COVERED IN PARASITES BECAUSE NONE OF YOU BUMS DESERVE NICE THINGS."
For fuck's sake, David, you almost burst my goddamn eardrums. Oh, like that's gonna do anything because, one, no one can hear besides whoever's here right now, and two, David is the last person who would give an microscopic fuck about this type of shit.