NEW BOSS?
They always say the hardest part of divorce is the heartbreak.
They are wrong.
The hardest part is watching your son look at you like you're the villain.
The hardest part is realizing you were the only one holding on.
"Mommy, why was Aunty Claire crying? Did you hit her?" he had asked me when I went to see him in his school to say goodbye.
I just didn't know how to let go, or do I?
"This will be the last time I'll come to see you, honey." I had said, acting like I didn't hear him.
"What happened? Are you not coming home again?" he had asked.
I nodded and he giggled.
"Daddy said you will come back" he said.
Daddy said you will come back.
I had sent out the divorce papers with my signature already on it. And it didn't take up to four hours before it was sent back to me with his signature on it.
I stared at the white paper which looked as white as my knuckles.
No hesitation. No second thoughts. No sign that this decision carried any weight for him at all.
He didn't need time. Didn't need to think it over. He just... signed.
A bitter laugh tore through my throat, but it sounded more like a sob.
Four hours.
It took him less than four hours to sign away our life together.
The same man who used to kiss my forehead when I'm asleep. Who traced lazy circles on my back when he thought I wasn't awake. The man I built a life with, a family with— he let it all go like it meant nothing.
I pressed my lips together, tilted my head back as my vision blurred. The first tear dropped onto the paper. Then another. And another. Until the ink began to bleed, smudging the clean, sharp edges of his name.
I should have expected this. I should have known.
Hadn't he already replaced me? Hadn't he already built a home that no longer had space for me?
"Daddy said you will come back"
Finn's words echoed in my head, twisting the knife deeper. Sebastian must have smiled when he said that, must have reassured our son in that smug voice of his.
Of course, she will come back. Where else would she go?
Except I did leave. And he let me.
A part of me had still hoped— God, how pathetic is that?— that he would hesitate. That he would stop and think, what if? maybe he would read over the papers and remember the life we had before it all fell apart.
But he didn't.
He just signed.
And that is what breaks me the most.
Will Finn hate me when he realizes I'm not coming back? Have I just given Sebastian what he wanted?
My hands shook, the papers shook with it as I forced myself to breathe. I shut my eyes, the tears slipped down my face as I placed the paper on the bedside table of the hotel room and moved deeper into the bed. I placed my head on the pillow and closed my eyes.
I just didn't think it would end this way. I tried.
I didn't want this for Finn.
Growing up, I had two of everything—
Two houses, two rooms, two couches where I sat, thanksgiving at my mother's, Christmas at my father's. Two different versions of home that never really felt like home at all.
There was no single frame that held all of us together. Just scattered memories, blurred lines, and a childhood spent packing a suitcases every other weekend.
I told myself I would never do that to my child.
So I fought. God, I fought so hard. I swallowed my pride, bit my tongue, tried to be enough for a man who had already given up on me. I let love turn into sacrifice, let my vows weigh me down like chains.
But it still wasn't enough.
Because in the end, I still failed.
Finn won't even have two homes, he will have one. One house where I don't belong. One life where I'm a guest, not a parent.
Because I gave him up.
I gave up custody.
I needed an escape. I was tired. I needed to sleep.
Maybe I'll wake up and I'll find out everything was just a dream. Maybe I'll wake up and the ache will no longer be there.
Maybe I'll wake up and everything will be as good as new, including my heart.
Just... maybe.
Then, I forced the darkness to swallow me.
***********************************************
I didn't wake up slowly.
There was no gentle drift back to consciousness, no peaceful moment between dreams and reality. It was like being thrust back into my body, everything rushing in at once— the weight in my chest, the dull ache behind my eyes, the suffocating emptiness.
I took a breath, wishing it away.
But it was still there.
I turned my head into the pillow, inhaling deeply. It smelt like my shampoo. Not Sebastian's cologne. Not Finn's cocoa butter cream. Just... me. Alone.
The bed felt too big, too cold, too unfamiliar.
I bit down against the ache in my throat as my fingers fumbled over the sheets, searching for my phone. When I found it, I squinted against the brightness of the screen.
6:53am.
My stomach dropped.
Oh my God.
Finn's birthday had been my day off. I didn't go to work the following day either. And I hadn't even sent a notice.
Not today again.
The panic shoved aside the grief. Adrenaline kicking in as I threw off the covers. There was no time to feel. No time to dwell on the fact that I fell asleep crying, or that I woke up alone.
I forced myself into the bathroom, taking the fastest shower of my life. The hot water did nothing to soothe the stiffness in my shoulders, the dull ache in my back from barely sleeping.
Minutes later, I was dressed—something sleek, professional, put-together, even though I didn't feel anything but...
I stood in front of the mirror, assessing the damage.
Dark circles. Red-rimmed eyes. A face that doesn't even look like mine anymore.
I grabbed my concealer, applied it on my face.
Covered the evidence.
Hid the exhaustion.
Hid the heartbreak.
By the time I stepped out of the hotel and into my car, my heart felt numb.
I told myself it's better this way. I'm married to my job now. I forced a deep breath before I started the engine and revved out of the parking lot, going towards Harrington & Vale.
The towering glass building of Harrington & Vale loomed ahead as I pulled up into the parking lot.
Me? The managing director? It still felt like a dream.
I bit down the excitement and the dull ache in my chest as I straightened my shoulders and stepped out.
Inside, the familiar hum of the office surrounded me as I walked towards the elevator and stepped in. My new office will be on the executive floor now.
I wanted to punch in the floor number as the door slowly slid close when two women followed right after me, barely acknowledging my presence as they continued whispering to each other.