LETTING GO
He startled. Claire flinched, her head snapping up, her lips still swollen from where he had been.
And in that moment, as Sebastian turned to face me, his eyes wide, his mouth parting in shock, I realized something.
This wasn't a mistake.
It wasn't a lapse in judgement, or some drunken, heat-of-the-moment betrayal.
This was something familiar.
Something that had been happening long before I caught them.
Claire scrambled away from him, wrapping the throw around her half-dressed body. "Ma'am..."
I couldn't hear her. I didn't want to hear her.
Sebastian stood, hands raised, face twisting into something that looked like regret but wasn't. It couldn't be.
Because if he truly regretted this, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
My chest caved in. The weight of everything I had ignored, everything I had pretended not to see, crushing me all at once.
The long nights when he didn't come to bed. The way he pulled away, the way he always seemed to find a reason to be anywhere but with me, the missed calls, the no-reason fights. The way Claire had slipped into our home, our routine, my son's affection, so seamlessly, so effortlessly.
The three of us look more like a family than with you, Mommy.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
A sob clawed it's way up my throat, but I swallowed it down. Not here. Not now.
I glanced at Finn, curled up on the couch, his little chest rising and falling in sleep. My baby. My entire world. And I had been so worried about failing him, about not being enough for him... for them, that I didn't see what was happening right in front of me.
Sebastian took a step towards me. "Thea, just let me expla..."
I didn't let him finish.
I turned.
And this time, when I walked up the stairs, I didn't run. I didn't stumble.
I walked.
I pushed the door to our—no, his—room open with force, the door almost flying off it's hinges. The closet was next. I ripped it open, hands shaking as I grabbed my bag and started shoving clothes inside, the fabric crumpling under my grip.
Don't cry. Don't cry here.
The zipper screeched as I yanked it close. The room was spinning. I forced myself to move, grabbing my bag and the brown envelope from the bedside table and stuffing it under my arm before turning towards the door.
But Sebastian was there.
His jaw was tight, his eyes wild, his chest rising and falling in deep, measured breaths like he was trying to calm himself.
"Thea, just... listen to me, okay"
"F**k off." I sidestepped him, but he blocked me, his hand gripping the doorframe.
"Can you at least let me explain?"
I let out a bitter laugh. "Explain?" my voice cracked. "What is there to explain, Sebastian? What is there to explain? You cheated! You were—" my breath shook. "You were cheating all these while and I was too blind to see it!"
He pressed his lips into a thin line, his gaze flickered to the brown envelope under my arm, then back to me, and I saw it.
The shift.
"And what about you?" his voice was low, taunting. "What the hell have you been doing all these years, Thea?"
I froze.
His eyes narrowed. "Or do you think working late and charming your way up the corporate ladder makes you different from me?"
My stomach twisted. "What the hell are you—"
"Oh, come on." his laugh was cold. "Don't act so f*****g righteous. You know what they say about women like you? Cold. Proud. Too busy pretending to be a man to keep a family together."
I gripped my bag tighter, speechless. "F**k you!"
"That's all you ever say, isn't it?" he stepped closer, voice dripping with mockery. "F**k you, Sebastian. F**k you for not worshipping my career. F**k you for not wanting a wife who actually comes home at night."
I shook my head, my breath hitching.
"That's not—"
"Isn't it?" his smile becoming cruel. "You put your job before everything. Before me. Before Finn. Before this family. And now you get to act like the victim?"
"That's because you can't f*****g act like the man in this house!" I screamed, wanting to hurt him too. "You have no spine, just a proud masculine bone and weak hands!"
My throat burned. "And you think that justifies what you did?! That justifies you lying piece of shit?!"
"I think it makes us even" he said, his voice low and threatening.
The words hit like a slap.
I swallowed hard, staring at the man I once loved, the man I chose—and I didn't recognize him anymore. Maybe I haven't in a long time. Maybe I just didn't want to see it.
I took a slow step back, my heart pounding in my chest. "Move, Sebastian."
His smirk faded. "Thea..."
"Move" my voice became hoarse. "Because if you don't, I swear to God, I'll scream loud enough to wake Finn up, and you will have to explain yourself to him or the neighbours."
His jaw clenched, but he stepped aside.
I didn't look at him as I walked past.
I didn't run.
I didn't stumble.
I walked.
Out of the life I thought was mine.
out before they can break me any further.
On my way to the door, my eyes landed on Claire. She was still standing at that spot, the sheets wrapped around her.
I looked at her with so much disdain before yanking the door open and dragged my bag to my car.
Is this what motherhood is? Is this what marriage is? Giving and giving until there's nothing left, only to be told that you were never enough to begin with?
"I'm getting a divorce" I whispered to myself as I finally let the tears fall.
Then, I drove into the night. I didn't even get to say goodbye to Finn.
But I know exactly when to step out, when I'm no longer needed. For my sake, and for theirs.
You cannot love a person into loving you no matter what you do.