The clock hit 0:00,Noxan looked at his chest seeing Shanox already asleep.
He leaned his head on the wall,he took out his headphones and put them on.
He put on that one song,the one that sounds like shoreline you can't quite reach. It starts soft, with this distant echo, like waves rolling in slow motion against a beach that exists somewhere far away from him. The melody feels warm and cold at the same time, like standing in the wind at night, knowing the world is beautiful but refusing to open its arms for you.
Every note drags something out of him he keeps trying to hide. It's the kind of song that feels like remembering a dream you wanted to live in, a place where he could walk next to Sylas without fear, without shame, without that tightness in his chest that says you're not ready to be seen for who youare.
The music hits him in this strange way,it's comforting, but it also hurts. Like the song knows about the weight he carries,not just mentally but also physically. Like it knows he still flinches at the thought of saying out loud what he already knows inside. The sound wraps around him gently, whispering that it's okay to lonh for things, but never promising that he'll actually get them.
And somewhere in the middle of the song, the beach in his mind becomes clearer.Softsand, warmwater, the sky stretching out like it's protectinghim. He imagines Sylas there, walking a few steps ahead, turning back to smile at him,not the real Sylas, but the version Noxan lets himself dream about. The version who chooses him.
But the fantasy cracks as quickly as it forms. The real world presses back into his skin,the insecurity about his body, the fear of being looked at too closely, the heavy truth that he might never stand on that beach with Sylas… at least not in the way he secretly wants.
And somehow, the song makes all of that feel both unbearable and beautiful.
It doesn't say anything directly, but it carries the feeling of wanting something gently, hopelessly, quietly. Like the music is breathing for him. Like it understands him better than anyone else ever has.
This song was something, which he couldn't describ.
He listened to it daily.Listening and listening to it multiple times on repeat.
It brought comfort while burninghim,with his own sunshine he couldn't find.
Noxan felt his tears, dragging down his face.His eyes swelled up bringing redness in the sky.
Whimpering all over himself.
He tried his best not to wake up Shanox,but all his effort vanished.
He fell off his bed, rolling himself, holding back the urge to scream.
Shanox noticed how deeply Noxan was struggling but didn't reach to help him.
Noxan looked more than just broken,he looked like danger in Shanox's eyes.A creature he knew but didn't understand.