From the very start, I knew there were only two possible outcomes: victory or death. Yet I hadn't expected that it would be my own heart that would push me toward the other side. With my heart pounding recklessly as the gun hovered over Leo's head, I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger when I woke up beside him. If only I had… I would have been free.
Perhaps… I had chosen this.
Cold. Not the water, but the wind cutting across my body. My senses told me I had fallen into water, yet something beneath me was hot. A rock? A large, heated stone pressing against me?
"Xena—Wake up—ng it!"
I didn't understand the words, but the call was unmistakably mine.
I tried to move, but only my mind responded. I couldn't breathe. Even though I knew I wasn't submerged, it felt as though my head was underwater, each inhale blocked by an invisible weight. Darkness surrounded me. I had no idea if I was in purgatory or at the very gates of hell.
But… there was no water in hell.
"Xena!"
Suddenly, my eyes snapped open. The fragmented, distant voice sharpened into clarity, laced with fear. Shadows spun around me—the silhouette of a man, trees, the partially hidden moon behind clouds. Then came the violent coughing that finally expelled the water blocking my lungs. I gasped, chasing air with desperate pulls.
I was alive.
"Xena," a man's voice said beside me. Water dripped from his hair, face, and body. I froze as I realized tears streamed from his eyes before he pulled me into a tight embrace. "I thought I'd lost you."
Sobs followed, and the hug tightened.
"L-Leo…"
"I won't let this happen, Xena. I won't let you reject me like this. I don't care if your memories are gone or if I'm just part of your plan. I don't care. Please, don't ever do this again," he cried, burying his face into my shoulder.
My consciousness was seized; I couldn't move, couldn't speak against his torrent of emotion. My heart raced violently, and tears welled up automatically.
"Hold on. I'll get you out of this hell myself. I'll protect you from Dad. I'll fix everything. Xena, please, don't leave me."
"W-Why, Leo?" I barely whispered, letting tears trickle down my face.
He paused at my question, gently pulling back to meet my eyes. His brow furrowed, frustration mixed with confusion at what I meant. I averted my gaze and stood, unsure of what I felt toward him. My mind screamed chaos, warning me of the disaster that would unfold if I allowed him to interfere with my plan. I could kill him here—but I knew I couldn't. So the only solution left was to force him to kill me right here, before Damian discovered my secret.
"Xena, now is not the time to question me. If you can, just postpone it. We need to go back—it's getting dark—"
"We?" I sneered, locking eyes with him. "If anyone leaves here, it's only one of us. We cannot go back together."
"What are you saying?" Leo's brow creased deeper at my words.
"I'll let you kill me here—"
"Xena!" he shouted, cutting me off. "I won't do that."
I gave a bitter smile. "Then I'll kill you—"
"You can't," he interrupted again, silencing me. He stared at me, unwavering. Every hair on my body stood on end. He was certain.
"You're not sure, Leo," I tried to bluff, but he didn't buy it. He bent down to pick up a gun lying nearby, where he had sat when I woke, and walked toward me. He took my hand, placing it on the gun, entwining my fingers with his as he guided my index finger to the trigger, eyes locked on mine.
I couldn't move. I could only be stunned by his deliberate actions. He pressed the barrel against his chest, right above his heart. My gaze met his, and I froze at his words.
"Prove it. Pull the trigger," he said, letting go of my hand, leaving mine suspended in the air, aimed at him. "I haven't told anyone your secret yet. You can still follow your plan."
I bit my lower lip hard. Tears blurred my vision again. My grip on the gun tightened, trembling with fear.
"I'll count to three; pull the trigger. If you don't, I'll come to you—and that will be the end of my patience for all the rejections, Xena."
I bit harder. Leo was testing me. I wouldn't allow myself to look foolish in front of him. I could kill him—just one press of the trigger was enough.
"One."
I can kill him…
"Two."
I can pull the trigger.
"Xena…" Leo called, but I avoided his gaze. I stared only at my hand holding the gun. One press… just one…
"Three."
The gun fired. Birds scattered from the branches around us. I dropped the weapon, my hand falling to the ground. I had pulled the trigger—but I couldn't bring myself to aim away from Leo.
"I knew it," he said, a mix of pride and smugness. "You couldn't do it."
I didn't resist as he grabbed me by the wrists and pulled me close. I crashed into his chest, trapped in a tight, warm embrace. I closed my eyes and cried silently against him.
"How did you know?" I whispered.
A quiet laugh. "I saw you fail. You left crying this morning, babe," he murmured against me, tightening his hold. "I warned you. Now that I'm close, you can't escape me."
Sobs escaped my lips. I buried my face against his chest. "Please… just kill me, Leo."
"No," he said firmly. "You fooled me, Xena. And I'm way too in love to let you get away. You need to pay for what you did. You need to stay by my side."
Exhaustion weighed down my body, and I let out a long sigh. Bitterness tinged my smile—Leo's presence meant Kiel and I would be safe, yet I couldn't bring myself to feel joy.
"You're insane," I whispered, eyes closed. "Don't blame me if I hurt you. My mind hasn't changed—I still intend to kill you."
"I won't let you win," he laughed, making me grin despite myself.
Morning came. The white ceiling and familiar beds of the dorm greeted me. I wore an oversized T-shirt, nothing beneath. Just as Leo emerged from the bathroom, a book flew off my side table—but he caught it. Frowning, he looked at me, sensing my anger. His smile betrayed that he already knew why I was upset.
"Sorry, your clothes are tight—hard to wear. Hard to resist the view, so—hey! No thank you?"
Anger surged. Another book flew toward him, nearly hitting his face.
"You're impossible, Leo!" I shouted.
"Hey!" he said in mock disbelief, walking toward my bed. "You're the most stubborn I've ever met!"
"You're the pervert, pest!"
Leo gaped at me, genuinely shocked. "Excuse me? You're the one who took advantage of me!"
"What?!" I furrowed my brow, unable to hold back. I stood, confronting him. "You know I was under the influence! You took advantage of me!"
I swung at his arm, and he faced me. "Why are you mad at me for dressing you? Do you want to get sick?"
"Well, why this one?" I pointed at the shirt he had dressed me in.
He looked at it. "You don't like it? Return it!" He pulled the shirt as if trying to remove it. I kicked instinctively, hitting his back.
"Idiot!" I muttered as I left the bathroom.
Leo sat quietly on the bed, deep in thought. I paused. He was serious—unreadable. Minutes passed in silence. I dressed properly, ready for class.
"No class?" I asked coldly, walking past him.
"You're the only one who ruins my arrogance," he said, eyebrow raised.
"Do you have one?" I teased.
Leo smiled, walked over, gripping my waist, pressing me against him. His eyes scanned me. "No woman ever disregarded me, tried to attack or kill me—except you. You've wronged me in so many ways—"
"You brought it on yourself—"
"Wrong," he interrupted. "You caused all of this. You surprise me every time we fight. You impress me in every impossible situation you overcome. You're deadly, Xena. No wonder I climbed your walls in confusion."
I fell silent. I hadn't expected him to be so vocal. I too… was bewildered by his words and actions. Was he the problem? Or was I refusing to admit my feelings?
Leo smiled softly. My gaze lingered on his gentle face. His left hand still rested on my waist; his right tucked my hair behind my ear.
"I don't care if you don't believe me," he whispered. "As long as I want you, you have no escape, Xena."
He brushed my cheek and leaned in. My body wavered—should I push him away or remain still? I tried to speak, but it was too late. Leo claimed my lips. My eyes closed, responding to his warm, gentle kiss.
Forgive me, Ace… I may not escape Leo's walls. I'm struggling to believe I don't care. Forgive me, for letting him touch a heart I thought was yours alone.
Forgive me, Ace… for I'm not sure I can forgive myself.