When I look in the mirror I look pretty — dashing, smart, beautiful. But when I close my eyes I see my true self: pain, fire, bad memories, karma. I'm very scared to close my eyes, but I hide that fear so no one notices — not even me.
This is my life: living in trauma, like a big hell. I never felt at home, never felt family or happiness. It feels like I'm living in hell. If I were to die tragically, I believe I'd go to hell — and strangely, I feel I'd live a better life there. That's my confidence.
Confidence--Confidence----I am like my dad — like a monster. I'm strangely proud to say that, and at the same time I carry guilt for wanting revenge. When I was eleven, I saw my dad kill my mother — blood on the floor, his hand holding a knife, blood everywhere. I couldn't move an inch. I couldn't even close my eyes to stop seeing it. She defended herself until her last breath. That look — those eyes — when she looked at me for help, for someone to save her… nothing changes. I feel like that was the first crime my father and I were involved in. Even though I didn't commit the murder, I was there. I couldn't do anything. I was too scared to move, frozen in shock. I think about how I could have done something — called an ambulance, called the police, asked for help. But I didn't. I just stood there, unable to move, watching everything my dad did to her. I don't even remember how that day ended.
Back to the present.
"Good morning, honey." My dad came and sat beside me at the dining table. We were about to have breakfast. I know my dad loves me — that's one reason I'm still alive. He looks busy, angry, stressed about work and the company, but I don't care what he's up to because I know what he can do. I only care about myself.
"Good morning," I said, like I was talking to myself, and took a slice of bread. I don't even like bread, but I didn't have the option to complain — I never did. I handle my problems alone.
"Ruby, do you have any classes today?" he asked, curious. Yes — that's me: Ruby Devonus. I'm twenty-three years old, and I go to college with two bodyguards. like I said My father is a monster; he has done many bad things to build his career and become rich. My dad, Michael Devonus, is one of the richest men in the world — he controls more than a single country, like a man controlling a single finger. He owns millions of companies, and each company began with crime, coercion, and secrets written only in a book for him and me.
"I have a cyber class today," I lied. I've lied to him before. The truth is I'm already booked to meet someone tonight — a date, for me, but it's really stalking and spying for him. He — he — he…
"Okay, then. Take care. I might be late home." He hurried out, kissed my forehead, and left the house.
"M'am, we're ready to leave," my bodyguards reminded me.
"I'll be there," I said, pulling my hood over my head. The world thinks I'm just another girl — but tonight, someone's mask will burn. I smiled, hoping that at least tonight I might kill one.