A Dark Lord who'd crawled through more than one battlefield, Voldemort had an almost animal instinct for danger by now.
And right now, wearing Quirrell like a hoodie, he sensed very clearly:
Those three Dungbombs were not ordinary objects.
If they hit—
His entire un-life might be socially over.
Quirrell finally snapped out of his daze, but it was already too late. All three Dungbombs were about to detonate right next to the back of his head.
In the next instant, they exploded—
A spray of golden-brown "fireworks" blossomed in the air—
"Protego!"
"Scourgify!"
"Aguamenti!"
Theodore Ashbourne, thoroughly prepared, unleashed everything he had the moment the Dungbombs went off, layering protection and cleaning charms around himself like a paranoid Auror.
This was no regular prank item—this was a weapon of mass humiliation. No way was he letting a single drop touch him.
Fortunately, Quirrell and Voldemort took the full force of the blast. Theodore and the Weasley twins didn't even have a corner of their robes singed.
Quirrell, on the other hand…
His black hooded robes now looked like he'd rolled in a bog. Twice.
He wished it was just mud.
But when that thick, choking stench hit him like a wall, Quirrell let out a strangled scream.
"NO!"
He didn't even care about himself anymore. There was only one thought left in his head.
Master!
Voldemort fell into a dead, echoing silence.
Quirrell spun around to face Theodore and the twins, eyes bloodshot, trembling with rage.
"What do you think you are doing?!"
"I'll dock every last one of Gryffindor's points—"
But Theodore only put on the most innocent face he owned.
"Professor, we're victims too," he said earnestly. "You saw it yourself—we didn't even throw them at you."
"They'd already gone past you. They were going to hit the floor. It must've been a gust of wind from the window that blew them back. Honest, it was an accident."
As he spoke, Theodore pinched his nose and exaggerated a horrified expression.
"But, Professor, you should count your blessings," he added piously. "Your big scarf blocked most of the blast."
"You should get it off quickly, though. It's completely soaked through. You don't want your actual head getting covered in that, do you?"
Quirrell was so furious he almost choked.
"You—!"
But a voice in his skull was shrieking louder than he was.
Quirrell, the scarf really is about to soak through.
If that filth touches me—if one single drop defiles me—I swear I will kill you ten thousand times over.
Quirrell shivered violently, terror flashing in his eyes.
He didn't spare Theodore and the twins another word.
Like his backside was on fire, he bolted down the corridor for the nearest bathroom.
The twins watched him flee, then exchanged a look, faces serious for once.
They had thought this whole scarf thing was just a weird fashion choice. Something to tease.
But now?
"Rather walk around with his scarf drenched in dung than take it off," Fred muttered. "That's not normal."
"Yeah," George agreed. "There's definitely something wrong under there."
At the same time, new text crawled across Theodore's System screen.
[You strike the Chan Sect Golden Immortal possessed by Duobao Daoist with the Thunderclap Heaven-Bombs. The blast sends black smoke billowing from his body and even rattles Duobao's parasitic soul, forcing him to retreat in haste to stabilise it.]
[After witnessing this, Jin Zha and Mu Zha are now entirely convinced: there is indeed something very wrong with this Golden Immortal.]
Theodore, meanwhile, felt a new wave of merit washing over him, noticeably thicker than before.
His mood soared.
Throwing Dungbombs was way more efficient than doing good deeds!
You could disgust Voldemort and stack merit at the same time—this was double happiness!
Still, after a quick internal estimate, Theodore had to admit: although his current merit was much richer than before, if he wanted a guaranteed success on fusing a high-tier talent, more was always better.
He still needed to grind Voldemort a while longer.
Theodore looked at the twins, slapped palms with them in celebration of their glorious prank, then asked expectantly:
"Can you make any more Dungbombs?"
"If we pull this off a few more times, we might really find out what's under Professor Quirrell's scarf."
The twins were clearly tempted.
But then both of them shook their heads, groaning.
"That's the problem," Fred sighed. "Those three were our last ones."
"Yeah," George added. "They're the result of sneaking into the public loo every night for who knows how long. Getting enough raw material isn't easy."
"We tried conjuring them, but you know—you can't cheat your way around Gamp's Law. Waste products are one of those things you just can't Transfigure properly."
Theodore's shoulders slumped.
No more Dungbombs?
Then all he could do was chuck stones at Voldemort's metaphorical face—or, once he got his hands on those baby Snargaluff-level plants like young Mimbulus mimbletonia or biting cabbage, maybe he could lob a potted plant at the back of his head.
But those were all pure physical attacks.
They just didn't have the same soul damage as a Dungbomb—physical, magical, and psychological all in one.
Just then, the twins added, a little regretfully:
"Actually, our ideal material for Dungbombs is troll dung."
"Trolls drop loads, and if we used that as the core ingredient, the power would go through the roof."
"The nearest place with trolls is the Forbidden Forest, but Hagrid's got his eye on us. He'd never let us in. Even if we snuck in, the forest is huge. Finding a troll in there wouldn't be easy."
New lines appeared on the System.
[You ask Jin Zha and Mu Zha if they have any more Thunderclap Heaven-Bombs. With more, you might further sabotage that Golden Immortal and Duobao's plans.]
[Jin Zha and Mu Zha can only sigh. Thunderclap Heaven-Bombs are a rare, strange type of treasure, unmatched in destructive force but very hard to forge.]
[Above all, they require a crucial heavenly material: Nitre Spirit-Soil, which is extremely rare.]
[It is found mostly in Meishan, but the Meishan Seven's leader, Yuan Hong, is a mighty being with great powers and a foul temper. He is not easy to reason with.]
But Theodore, after hearing the twins' version, only smiled slowly, eyes turning sly.
"Hagrid?" he said. "I'm on great terms with him."
"Don't worry. I'll have my owl send him a letter. As soon as he sees it, he'll take you into the Forest to find troll droppings."
The twins stared at him, then broke into identical grins of pure delight.
"Theodore, you're that close with Hagrid?"
"That's brilliant! We've wanted to get into the Forest for ages to collect materials; Hagrid catches us every time."
"You've got to ask him for help with ingredients for our prank products from now on!"
"We'll go get ready right now!"
[Hearing Jin Zha and Mu Zha's worries, you laugh.
"So it's only the Nitre Spirit-Soil of Meishan? That's nothing but Yuan Hong's turf."]
[You tell them that you and Yuan Hong, leader of the Meishan Seven, are sworn brothers, bound as life-and-death allies. With a single letter, he'd gladly hand over the Nitre Spirit-Soil.]
[Jin Zha and Mu Zha are overjoyed. They never imagined your connections ran so deep—that you'd be close with such a formidable being. Their respect for you rises yet again.]
[The brothers immediately set off for Meishan. The matter is as good as done.]
After having his owl deliver the letter, Theodore watched the twins hurry off, then turned and headed back toward the Room of Requirement.
His eyes were already gleaming with anticipation.
Jin Zha and Mu Zha are both among the rare few who achieved flesh-sainthood, he thought. Even if they're not the strongest of the seven, they're still terrifying powerhouses.
Let's see what the System thinks I deserve for befriending those two.
The moment he opened the reward panel linked to them, Theodore's breath hitched and his heart nearly skipped a beat.
He broke into a grin he couldn't hold back.
[You have formed a Casual Friendship with Jin Zha. You obtain the talent reward — Sword Arts Innate.]
[You have formed a Casual Friendship with Mu Zha. You obtain the talent reward — Sword Arts Innate.]
[Because the Casual Friendship rewards from Jin Zha and Mu Zha are identical, a talent fusion has been automatically triggered and is guaranteed to succeed.]
[You obtain the fused talent — Sword Arts Transcendent!]
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