The concrete of the awakening ground at Aethelburg Royal Academy was cold, but the air was thick with nervous sweat. All of us, every 16-year-old in the district, were gathered for the most important day of our lives.
I, Luke Arkwright, am sort of an introvert. I tend to watch from the sidelines, and what I've seen isn't pretty. In this world, you are treated based on your status, and that status is decided today. If you manage to awaken an uncommon occupation, you at least won't be treated the worst. But what can I say? You all know human nature. At the age of 16, I've already seen enough to understand how things work.
"Hey, Luke! Why are you thinking so deeply?"
I turned to see James Scott, my one and only friend, clap me on the shoulder. He was all nervous energy and optimism.
"Even if you awaken a common talent, if you work hard enough, you can get into one of the universities in our city, right? You just have to work hard, man!"
"I know, man," I mumbled, offering a weak smile.
His words were cut off by the sharp tap of a microphone. The Academy Principal, a stern-looking woman, had arrived. "Silence. We will begin."
She started calling names, a monotonous drone that would decide the fate of hundreds.
"Will Jon, step forward."
A lanky boy nervously placed his hand on the large, glowing crystal. It chimed.
Occupation: Gardener [Common]Active Skill: [Basic Cultivation]Passive Skill: [Green Thumb]
A sigh of disappointment from the boy's family in the stands. It wasn't a combat class.
The occupations announced were a mix. You had your combat types like Warriors and Mages, your support types like Healers and Knights, and then the daily-life occupations like Blacksmith, Alchemist, or... Gardener. Combat was always seen as the best, but even those were divided by rank.
A sudden gasp rippled through the crowd, followed by excited whispers.
"Hey, did you see? Elara Vance... the 'Fire Princess'!" "She dual-awakened! A Mythic rank occupation!" "They're calling it the [Frostfire Archon]! She got fire and ice type skills!"
I watched Elara, the most popular girl in school, walk away with a serene, powerful smile. That was the gap. That was the life of an elite.
You are absolutely right. That's a much stronger way to write a "hidden OP" story.
If the public announcement is just "Mage [Common]," it makes him completely invisible. The change to ??? should only happen inside his system, hidden from everyone else.
Let's fix that. Here are the corrected sections for Chapter 1.
1. The Corrected Awakening Scene
(This replaces the part where Luke is on stage)
"Luke Arkwright, come forward."
My stomach tightened. James gave me a supportive punch on the arm. I walked up and did as I was told, placing my hand on the cool crystal. It warmed beneath my palm.
After a few tense seconds, a dim, unremarkable light glowed, and the announcer's voice, now bored, read the result.
Occupation: Mage [Common]First Skill: [Basic Fireball]
My heart sank. Just a common mage. The most basic, vanilla occupation. The whispers from the crowd were full of pity. I could already feel the disappointment radiating from my parents' section in the stands. This was exactly what I had dreaded.
I was pulled from my thoughts by a sound no one else could hear. A sharp, mechanical ding.
[Ding! Awakening successful!] [Occupation Awakened: Mage] [Talent Awakened: 100 SP Per Sec] [...10 Talents awakened in total.]
[Ding! 10x Multiplier System has awakened!] [Acquired 10 hidden mage-related occupations.] [All occupations merged... Obtained Occupation: ???] [All 10 Talents merged... Obtained Talent: ???] [Your skill [Basic Fireball] has been upgraded by the system... Obtained Skill: [Fireball (???)]]
[10x Bonus has been applied to all upgrades, SP, and EXP earned!] [10x Bonus has been applied to all skills, stats, and attribute points Host will receive!] [10x Bonus has been applied to your merged Talent!]
[Ding! Host, you must grow strong enough to do whatever you want!]
I stood there, blinking. The crowd's pitying whispers were just white noise. The principal's dismissive nod didn't even register.
"Wow," I whispered to myself, "This is a real cheat."
I didn't wait. I just turned, walked off the platform, and left the school as fast as I could.
You are absolutely right. That's a much stronger way to write a "hidden OP" story.
If the public announcement is just "Mage [Common]," it makes him completely invisible. The change to ??? should only happen inside his system, hidden from everyone else.
Let's fix that. Here are the corrected sections for Chapter 1.
1. The Corrected Awakening Scene
(This replaces the part where Luke is on stage)
"Luke Arkwright, come forward."
My stomach tightened. James gave me a supportive punch on the arm. I walked up and did as I was told, placing my hand on the cool crystal. It warmed beneath my palm.
After a few tense seconds, a dim, unremarkable light glowed, and the announcer's voice, now bored, read the result.
Occupation: Mage [Common]First Skill: [Basic Fireball]
My heart sank. Just a common mage. The most basic, vanilla occupation. The whispers from the crowd were full of pity. I could already feel the disappointment radiating from my parents' section in the stands. This was exactly what I had dreaded.
I was pulled from my thoughts by a sound no one else could hear. A sharp, mechanical ding.
[Ding! Awakening successful!] [Occupation Awakened: Mage] [Talent Awakened: 100 SP Per Sec] [...10 Talents awakened in total.]
[Ding! 10x Multiplier System has awakened!] [Acquired 10 hidden mage-related occupations.] [All occupations merged... Obtained Occupation: ???] [All 10 Talents merged... Obtained Talent: ???] [Your skill [Basic Fireball] has been upgraded by the system... Obtained Skill: [Fireball (???)]]
[10x Bonus has been applied to all upgrades, SP, and EXP earned!] [10x Bonus has been applied to all skills, stats, and attribute points Host will receive!] [10x Bonus has been applied to your merged Talent!]
[Ding! Host, you must grow strong enough to do whatever you want!]
I stood there, blinking. The crowd's pitying whispers were just white noise. The principal's dismissive nod didn't even register.
"Wow," I whispered to myself, "This is a real cheat."
I didn't wait. I just turned, walked off the platform, and left the school as fast as I could.
2. The Corrected Status Check Scene
(This replaces the part where Luke is in the alley)
Ducking into a quiet alley, my heart hammered in my chest. "Status," I commanded.
In front of me, the common system panel that everyone has appeared. This was my "public face"—what any other Awakener's [Inspect] skill would see.
[Common Status Window]
Name: Luke Arkwright Occupation: ???Mage??? [???]
Level: 1 Skills: [Basic Fireball (Tier 1)]
Talent: [Hidden]
It was perfect. To the entire world, I was just a bottom-of-the-barrel, common mage. No one would ever look twice at me.
But as I looked, a new tab glowed at the bottom, one labeled [SYSTEM]. I willed it open.
[10x Multiplier System Window]
Name: Luke Arkwright
Occupation: ???Mage???
Level: 1 (0/100 EXP) (10x Multiplier Active)
Health: 100/100
Mana: 200/200 (10x Multiplier Active)
Skill Points (SP): 3,010... 4010... 5010...
Talent:
[??? (SSS-Rank)]: (Merged from 10 talents)
Generates 1,000 SP per second. (Base 100/sec x10)
Increases all EXP gains by 10x.
Increases casting speed (Instant Chant) by 10x.
(Effects of 7 other S-SSS Rank talents are active and multiplied by 10).
Skills:
[Fireball (???)]: (Tier 1)
My eyes were glued to the SP count. It had only been a few seconds since my awakening, and it was already ticking up at a terrifying rate.
One thousand SP. Every single second.
A/N: Thanks for reading, and if you like it, plzz add it in your collection.