"The environment made you weak, and you're not even looking at yourself properly. See the bright side of yourself, where you're good at, where your excellence is pointing you on, and find it; don't let it go." Talia continued, reminding me of my strength and the advice that I still can't believe that I'm hearing from her.
"You really see that I could do better than I used to be?" I asked, sounding like I'm looking for some assurance, and she smiled.
"Always. I always see not only your weakest days but also your great ones. You don't see or feel it, and it's time for you to do it. See and feel yourself. Be one with yourself; accept your flaws and greatness that's coming in your way." She answered honestly and kissed my cheek, making me blush.
"Thank you." I thanked her because her words really helped me to get through things in my life. She is a true friend that I won't dare to lose, but it's hard to keep up whenever she is furious. Speaking of, her smile went thin, her mood went sour, and her protectiveness flared too because right now, my bullies, the three epsilons, came and approached us. "Here we go again."
"Ahm, Bernila, can we talk for a moment?" the lady epsilon asked, fidgeting. But I am surprised they still knew my real name.
"What are you doing here?" Talia growled protectively, making me hold her arm. I don't want her to cause a scene or let her have a bad reputation.
"We're here to apologise." The second lady epsilon answered Talia before looking at me. Ever since my wolf's death, I have become wary and hypersensitive whenever a person approaches or talks to me. I could easily tell what they were feeling or what their intention was, and my bullies felt guilty. They started apologising, "Bernila, we're sorry. We just couldn't find the courage to apologise because of the pain we put in you."
"We're sincerely apologising for it. We all feel the pain of losing your wolf, and we're the cause of it. Sorry." The male epsilon apologised sincerely, and before I could even respond, my protective bestie took over.
"Took you long enough to decide to apologise." Talia spat with venom, making them cower, but they were determined to win my forgiveness. But my overprotective she-alpha won't go easy on them and is ready to snap, growling, "You just caused her something that cannot be replaced and you –"
"Talia, calm down." I tugged her arm quickly, preventing her from losing control, making her growl deeper. But I didn't let her and continued calming her down, "It's better to apologise now than never." With calmness and courage, I faced my apologetic bullies before responding, "I hope our past, my situation, served as a lesson to you. I might be kind enough to accept your apologies, but the wound has already left a scar. I hope you won't do it to others if you don't want the same thing to happen to you."
Hearing my forgiveness, I saw light in their tearful eyes, before thanking me in relief, "Thank you for forgiving us."
"I'm not a saint, I'm still hurt, but I can forgive." I told them sincerely, before chuckling, making the mood a little light, "Well, you bullied me in a childish way. It's tolerable and harmless, but annoyingly persistent. But don't wish to repeat it again."
"That's enough for us that you forgave us, Bernila." The first lady epsilon said, smiling with gratefulness.
"I'm glad it's not the cause of your PTSD." The male epsilon chuckled slightly, sighing in relief.
I was taken aback when they mentioned it, but it was true; they were not the cause of it, but they were not helping either, making me say, "You're not, but you made it difficult."
"Again, we're sorry. We sincerely apologise for everything." The second lady epsilon repeated, sincerely apologising to me before they both greeted me, wishing, "And we wish you a happy birthday."
I smiled at them as I watched them leave us. But I felt a tug over my side and looked over at Talia. She was grinning in relief, but I shook my head and continued to finish my ice cream. We enjoyed the rest of our chill time until Talia suddenly decided to leave the park.
"Let's go home." Talia said flatly, making me frown a little, but I didn't say anything, causing her to sigh heavily, "I don't want to meet another wave of nuisance during my alone time with you."
Hearing that comment, I knew exactly what or whom she was referring to, but instead of pissing her off, I teased her, saying politely, "Okay, lead the way, she-alpha."
We laughed as we headed to our car, but Talia tensed up; her mood quickly dropped, not like when we met my bullies. She went into her full mood of being a protective she-alpha by pulling me behind her and releasing a defensive growl. I frowned, but I knew who could make her truly furious.
"Sigbin, can we talk?"
My ears twitched upon hearing the calm but familiar voice echo around me. My body instantly went stiff like I'm filled with some ice buckets. I closed my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat because that raspy, cold voice used to be harmless, charming and loved by me, but now, it's the same voice that I loathe to hear.
"Ronan…" I barely whispered the name I despise the most. I was trembling a little, making Talia growl defensively.
Ronan Wildhart was once an admirable, athletic, and handsome fella in the pack whom I had a crush on during those school years, and the person I grew to hate as a mate. However, being young and weak, his charm easily won me over, blinded me. I didn't realise that he was using me to get closer to Talia. But that was not the issue that made me despise him deeply; he caused severe and dark damage in my memory. All filled with malicious laughter, smoke and lust, ruining me completely.
"Sigbin, let's talk," Ronan said calmly, but something tugged inside me, telling me not to trust him and say nothing. But Talia had another thing in mind.
"YOU, SCUMBAG!" She growled protectively as she stopped him from coming closer, blocking him from seeing me. "You have no right to talk to her."
"Please, Sigbin, let's talk for a while." Ronan insisted, ignoring Talia's warning. But his voice, smell, presence and everything about him made my stomach twist. It's sickening.
Being near him, my body felt everything. I crumbled. My trembling escalated as my mind played the dark scene that made me suicidal and the very root cause of my PTSD. I tried my best to set it aside and breathe, but Ronan, his presence alone made me feel and remember everything. It left a scar on my being. I still could feel it – them down to my bones. Their touches that burn against my skin, leaving distaste on my tongue, their lustful scents that corrupted my lungs and their sinister laughter that blocked my plea as they tore me into pieces. My body quickly trembled, badly, my breathing shortened, and my chest tightened, making everything in me burn.
"Please, like them, I want to apologise too…" he pleaded, but I knew the truth. He was lying, insincere, and even if he was, I can't. I still can't, after all that he and his friends did to me.
"BULLSHIT! YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH, RONAN!" Talia snapped, roaring with her alpha wolf, and protectively standing up for me. "YOU'VE RUINED HER ALREADY, SO STOP!"
I could feel Talia's guilt mixed with her anger because of what happened to me. I'm not blaming her since I let them ruin me easily. And Talia hated him more for leaving a mark that could stay with me for a lifetime.
"Leave her alone before I rip you here, and I won't care if you're a pack member. I'll make sure nobody will remember your existence." Talia spat with a push, making Ronan cower, but he was determined to atone for the sin he had committed.
"But Sigbin, I have to apologise." He insisted, but Talia was towering and blocking him more.
"For someone who's apologising, you forgot her real name." Talia scoffed, but growling, making him speechless for a split second.
"STILL! I want to…" He kept insisting, and like a very thin thread, I snapped.
"ENOUGH! I'M SO SICK OF YOU! I'M SICK OF EVERY SHIT THAT HAPPENED IN MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR FUCKING SICKO FRIENDS!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, shaking, furious as I faced him, making him gasp, choking. I don't care how I look right now or what I was feeling toward this bastard, but I could feel my temple burn and my malice spreading directly, aiming him. Then I stepped forward, but filled with darkness, making him flinch and cower like he's facing a different person before adding my grimace, "For the sake of my peace, I could forgive you, but hell, that means I'll be lying to myself when I can't even do it.So, Ronan, I promise you that if you ever attempt to insincerely atone for your and your friends' crimes against me again, somebody or someone will make you pay. It may not be my family or Talia, but someone will take it on my behalf. And yet, at the bottom of my heart, I still hope you'll find a reflection in your mate. Goodbye and please, respect and never show your face to me."
"SIGBIN!" Ronan shouted, but I didn't look back since he triggered my mental health problem badly.
I tried my best to hold my ground, controlling my trembling body, breathing, but the memories were open, making me cry, weak until I felt a familiar presence that I once hated. I knew who it was, a friend of his who came and already atoned for his sin to me personally. I looked around and saw him across the street, glaring secretly at Ronan. Furious, he attempted to cross the street, but stopped when his eyes met mine. I faintly smiled, shaking my head, and like a beaten puppy, he didn't proceed. We just let Talia be mad on my behalf.
"BACK OFF, JERK!" Talia protectively spat as she pushed him away harder before he could touch me. Her push almost broke his bones before adding, "Bernila might be the weakest in the pack, but she never hurt anyone despite what you all did to her. However, Ronan, you and your friends are the worst. You didn't just bully her for fun. You didn't just reject her, Ronan, you ruined her, and because of that, I won't forgive you." Ronan was about to insist more when Talia had had enough and grabbed his collar, growling a warning. "Be grateful I'm not the next in line alpha, because if I am, you'll be the first one whom I won't hesitate to kill in front of everyone."
Talia's growl was filled with rage, and with one click, she could morph into her wolf, but I couldn't let that happen and quickly tugged her sleeves, stuttering weakly, "Talia, l-let's g-go." I started clenching my chest as my breathing shortened, and I needed to get out of here before it escalated. Then I shouted at her, demanding with a stuttering voice, "I-I N-NEED TO B-BREATH, TALIA!"
Talia stood still, glaring, growling in warning before she quickly went to my side, carefully guiding me inside the car.
"DAMMIT! Auntie will kill me if something happens to you." She growled but gently helped me buckle up before we left the place immediately. I really need to get out of there. "Let's take you out of here. Is it okay with you if we head to the Rosethorns Empire's mall? I heard there's a newly opened gelato store there. I think you might want to grab something and try it."
"Really? You're getting me a gelato?" I asked like an interested kid and started grinning. She knew how to divert my mind from what pains me, and I'm lucky to have her as my bestie.
"You're being cute despite looking nerdy." She chuckled, pinching my cheek softly since I love delicious ice creams.
"Then I'm a cute nerd." I winked, giggling like my PTSD vanished, but no. My breathing was still shallow and my chest was still tight, but I'm not trembling like earlier. However, I had to take my meds to quickly calm me down.
"Sure you are." She smiled and glanced at me, checking what I was doing before asking, "Bernila, are you okay now?"
"Much better than earlier," I replied after taking my medication and thanked her. "Thanks for taking me out of there."
"Thanks for reminding me not to shred his dickhead." She scoffed, but I knew she meant it.
"I won't stop you next time." I refuted teasingly, making her grin.
"Deal." She agreed without a doubt, making me chuckle.