Sarutobi Hiruzen rubbed his temples, his face etched with fatigue.
The lights in the Hokage's Office had been on all night. Outside, Konoha had long since fallen silent, with only a few points of light from patrols slowly moving through the darkness.
He had just returned from Orochimaru's, mentally exhausted, but the sense of accomplishment from nipping a future villain in the bud made it all feel worthwhile.
Next, as long as he followed the plan and dealt with the mountain of paperwork, tonight he could...
[Key Destiny-Node Figure Detected: Jiraiya.]
[Current Status: Sprinting wildly down the path to perversion.]
The cold, mechanical notification in his mind made Sarutobi Hiruzen's newly relaxed brows furrow once again.
His eyelid twitched furiously.
"Can't I just get one day of rest!" he roared silently in his mind.
Sarutobi Hiruzen took a deep breath and pulled up the simple map that came with the simulator in his mind.
On the map, a dot of light representing Jiraiya's chakra was plastered against the outer wall of the Konoha women's bathhouse in an extremely creepy manner.
Motionless.
Completely focused.
Sarutobi Hiruzen's blood pressure shot up instantly.
Well, well. Orochimaru has psychological problems, and you have behavioral problems, is that it?
Not a single one can be left behind!
He stood up from his chair, threw the Hokage robe over his shoulders, and with a flicker, vanished from the office.
...
The Konoha public bathhouse was steamy and humid.
On the high wall of the backyard, a kid with a conspicuous shock of white hair was clinging to the top, his eyes shining, a trail of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth. He was watching with relish.
Jiraiya felt that this was much better than watching a ninjutsu duel.
This contained art, it contained his ultimate yearning for all things beautiful.
However, just as he was engrossed, preparing to commit this precious "research" experience to memory, he suddenly felt the brick he was standing on inexplicably slip.
It was as if it had been coated with a layer of the finest lubricant.
"Huh?"
Before Jiraiya could react, his center of gravity shifted, and he flailed his arms and legs on top of the wall.
"Ah—!"
A scream tore through the night sky as he, like a discarded sack, went tumbling over the wall and into the women's bathhouse courtyard in a perfect face-plant.
Splat!
"Aaaah! A pervert!"
"Where did this brat come from!"
"Beat him to death!"
Instantly, the courtyard erupted.
The women's screams, angry curses, and the sound of fists meeting flesh intertwined into a tragic symphony.
Outside the wall, Sarutobi Hiruzen emerged leisurely from the shadows.
He admired his handiwork, nodding in satisfaction.
Using the newly acquired Chakra Precise Control (Master Level) for something like this was complete overkill.
He had simply attached a minuscule thread of chakra to that small stone, precisely altering its surface friction.
The effect was outstanding.
Soon, a patrol of ninja arrived, drawn by the noise. Seeing the Hokage himself was there, they hurriedly bowed.
"Lord Hokage! What's happened?"
"It's nothing," Sarutobi Hiruzen said with a wave of his hand, his expression calm.
"A mischievous child was enjoying the view and accidentally fell."
The patrol ninja looked at each other, then at the wall that was over two meters high, and then at the chaotic sounds coming from inside. They felt that things weren't that simple.
But since Lord Hokage had said so, they didn't dare ask further questions and could only stand guard outside with serious expressions.
After a good while, the bathhouse door opened.
A white-haired brat, his face bruised and swollen, covered in lumps, and wearing only a loincloth, was dragged out by the bathhouse owner like a chick and thrown to the ground.
The owner bowed to Sarutobi Hiruzen.
"Lord Hokage, I'll leave this brat to you!"
"Thank you for your trouble," Sarutobi Hiruzen nodded gently.
Jiraiya lay on the ground, feeling like he was about to die.
His whole body ached, especially his face, which was swollen like a pig's head.
He groggily lifted his head, and when he saw clearly that the person standing before him was the new Third Hokage, he was scared out of his wits.
It's over.
It's really over this time.
Caught peeping into the women's bathhouse by the Hokage himself. The punishment for this crime would probably be direct execution, right?
He was already beginning to imagine himself tied to the Konoha Memorial Stone, being publicly executed.
However, Sarutobi Hiruzen didn't scold him, nor did he show any sign of anger.
He just walked over, crouched down, and patted Jiraiya's shoulder with the complex expression of someone who's "been there."
"Does it hurt?"
Jiraiya nodded, trembling, unable to speak.
"It's a good thing to have aspirations," Sarutobi Hiruzen said earnestly.
"But the method has to be right."
"Doing things this way, you'll never accomplish anything great."
Jiraiya was dumbfounded.
Aspirations? What aspirations?
What was Lord Hokage talking about?
Sarutobi Hiruzen looked at his foolish, pig-like face, stood up, and cleared his throat.
"In view of your actions tonight, which have seriously disrupted the public order of Konoha and caused great mental distress to the villagers..."
"I have decided to assign you an 'S-rank' punishment mission."
S-rank!
Hearing this, Jiraiya's legs went weak.
At his age, he had barely done any D-rank missions, and now he was getting an S-rank punishment?
Was he going to be sent to assassinate the Raikage?
"The mission content is simple," Sarutobi Hiruzen said slowly, his hands behind his back.
"Within three days, write a ten-thousand-word report and submit it to the Hokage's Office."
"The report's title is, 'On the Character of Heroes and the Will of the Ninja'."
"If you don't finish, you don't eat."
Jiraiya's mind went "buzz" and completely shut down.
Ten... ten thousand words?
Write a report?
What kind of punishment was this?
For him, this was more terrifying than being asked to fight an Iwagakure jonin one-on-one!
"Lord Hokage, I... I'd rather clean the Memorial Stone for a year!" Jiraiya cried, on the verge of hugging Sarutobi Hiruzen's leg.
"Or... or make me run a hundred laps around the village!"
"No," Sarutobi Hiruzen refused flatly.
"A true ninja must not only have great strength, but also a noble mind to match."
"You have a problem with your thinking."
"When you've figured it out, then you can come talk to me about your 'aspirations'."
After speaking, Sarutobi Hiruzen paid him no more mind and turned to leave.
He left Jiraiya alone, wearing only a loincloth, feeling the malice of the entire world in the shivering night wind.
Ten thousand words...
He couldn't even squeeze out a five-hundred-word essay!
Watching Sarutobi Hiruzen's retreating back, Jiraiya wanted to cry but had no tears.
Meanwhile, Sarutobi Hiruzen, walking down the road, was laughing his head off internally.
The only way to deal with a perverted, hot-headed fool like you is to torture him with academics.
Transfer your passion for watching women bathe to contemplating life and philosophy.
This stubborn stone needs to be carved properly, can't let it grow crooked.
He looked up, his gaze turning towards another part of the village.
That was where the Senju clan once resided.
"One down, next to go."
"Tsunade should still be grieving over Great-Granduncle's death right now."
His figure once again melted into the night.