"I think you should try playing a game."
The woman with soft brown hair and a puppy-like face, Psychological Counselor Shin Ara, said this as she fed me a cupcake.
Caught off guard, I accepted the cupcake and responded with a steady, unwavering stare.
In short, my expression clearly conveyed, "Are you out of your mind?"
"O-of course, I understand that it's scary! But wouldn't it be better to try it for the sake of your treatment?"
"To confront my trauma?"
"Exactly. Ms. Victoria, your trauma began when you became possessed by the game, right? If you can learn to distinguish between the game and reality, your condition will definitely improve."
"So... you're saying I should treat those four years on the Eastern Front as if they were just a game?"
"Ah, no! I didn't mean to dismiss Ms. Victoria's dedication and efforts as mere games. I simply meant we shouldn't treat the reality we live in now as being on the same level as the reality within the game. If my words offended you, I apologize."
"...It's alright. I should be the one apologizing."
Once again, while playing the game, I clearly distinguished between the nightmare and reality.
If things went as smoothly as I hoped, this might not be a bad method after all.
After all, I was still doubting whether this place was truly reality.
As Shin Ara said, my mind had completely lost the ability to differentiate between the game and reality.
But the biggest problem remained fear.
If, by some remote chance, I were to become trapped in the game again, I would surely lose my mind without being able to endure even a moment this time.
"What if I get possessed again? What if I can never return to reality?"
"I'll keep a close eye on you. If anything happens, I'll force you back. Don't worry."
"Forced logouts can't be good for my brain health."
"Oh, is that so? Then I'll call a technician to log you out safely."
Shin Ara's confident response stirred complex emotions within me.
In essence, she was saying, "I'll be your safety net. Go to the battlefield without fear."
At this point, I couldn't tell if she was genuinely concerned for me or just tormenting me.
They say too much kindness can be burdensome, and Shin Ara's gentleness was exactly that.
But I couldn't simply dismiss her proposal.
Living day after day trapped in this room, haunted by nightmares, might be worse than giving up and dying.
"Sigh... Fine. I'll try it just once, as a test."
"Yes! I'll watch over you like a hawk, Ms. Victoria!"
"That's too much pressure. And please, speak casually. You're older than me, after all."
"Oh! Is that okay? Then Victoria can call me 'Unnie' too!"
"...That's too much."
I shuddered at the word "Unnie" and stood up.
Seeing Shin Ara's determination to get me to play the game, I decided to give in out of sheer resignation.
Truth be told, a part of me was also curious.
If Shin Ara's plan succeeded, I might finally reclaim the ordinary life I'd always dreamed of.
If I get possessed again, I'll just kill myself.
Having steeled myself with this somewhat pessimistic resolve, I approached the VR device.
The girl reflected in the pitch-black visor wore a dark expression, her face clouded with fear and tension.
To survive, no matter when or where, one must take the first step.
Drawing on my battlefield experience, I opened the VR device's visor.
"W-what is this..."
"Hmm? Victoria? Is something wrong?"
"Ah, no! It's nothing!"
But I had to stop as soon as I took that first step.
The moment the visor opened, I was confronted with a shocking sight.
Charcoal briquettes?
Inside the armchair-shaped VR device sat a pot filled with charcoal briquettes.
The charcoal briquettes were completely burned, reduced to a pristine white ash, as if they had fulfilled their purpose.
My mind went blank for a moment before I frantically slammed the VR device shut.
I turned to Shin Ara, who was peering in from behind, and began to stammer an awkward explanation.
"Um, well, you see... I'd rather play games when I'm alone, if that's okay?"
"Huh? But what if something happens? It would be hard to help you then..."
"Then... I'll give you the door lock key. If you lose contact with me, you can just come back then."
"Victoria... you shouldn't just give your house key to anyone like that..."
"It's not like you're going to stalk me, Ms. Shin Ara... But I'm sorry, I'd really appreciate it if you could just go home today..."
Shin Ara's eyes narrowed at my sudden order to leave.
But I had no choice but to drive her away, even if it meant abandoning all pretense of politeness.
After all, there was a charcoal briquette inside the sealed VR device.
Anyone who saw it would inevitably conclude that "the past Victoria attempted suicide."
I couldn't let the difficulty of my psychological counseling sessions increase because of an action I hadn't even committed.
The situation was so precarious that I could easily be committed to a mental hospital. I had to hide this gruesome scene from Shin Ara at all costs.
"Is there a specific reason for this?"
"Uh... well... now that I think about it, I'd be too embarrassed if someone were watching me..."
"What's there to be embarrassed about? I'll just be watching, I won't do anything else..."
"W-what if I get so scared during the game that I wet my pants? And I also feel bad for relying on Shin Ara so much..."
"Ah... I see... I didn't think of that. If that's what you're worried about, I guess there's no other way..."
Thankfully, Shin Ara didn't insist.
As expected of a Psychological Counselor, she was considerate of her client's feelings.
However, she couldn't completely ignore me as a counselor either.
After a moment of serious contemplation, she clapped her hands as if struck by a brilliant idea and said,
"Ah! How about trying personal broadcasting?"
"Huh? Broadcasting?"
"Yeah. Victoria wants to be alone in her room when she plays games, right? But I can't feel at ease unless I'm watching over her. If we broadcast, I can indirectly experience Victoria's trauma, which would make counseling easier. Wouldn't that be killing two birds with one stone?"
"Killing two birds with one stone... Yes, I suppose so. Let's do it that way."
It seemed like a spur-of-the-moment idea, but it wasn't a bad approach.
No. In this situation, it was a perfect proposal, so perfect that even calling it the "best" felt like an understatement.
As if hypnotized, I nodded and led Shin Ara to the front door.
Then, I handed her the door lock key I'd seen earlier when opening the door and bowed slightly.
This meant I wouldn't be able to leave the house without Shin Ara.
After all, I didn't know the password to the door lock that Victoria had set in the past.
But it didn't really matter.
I had no intention of going out until my PTSD improved anyway.
"Well, it's a shame, but I should get going for today. You have to let me know as soon as you start streaming, okay? Otherwise, I might get worried and show up unannounced."
"Yes, I'll log in right away when you leave."
"Promise? And could you keep the contents of this consultation confidential? Many people have a negative view of mental health professionals getting involved in games... I won't charge you for this session. This was just a personal consultation."
"It's not like I have anyone to tell anyway... Thank you for everything. Really."
"Okay! I'll really go now! There are still cupcakes left, so make sure to eat them later!"
"Yes. Take this umbrella with you."
"Hehe. Thanks! I'll make good use of it."
Shin Ara waved until the door closed behind her.
Though we had only met today, I felt an immediate sense of familiarity, as if we had known each other for a long time.
She was truly a remarkable person who made me feel at ease whenever we were together.
Thanks to her, even the PTSD that had been plaguing me seemed to quiet down, at least for a while.
First, I should get rid of the charcoal briquette.
But I couldn't help the sudden wave of melancholy that washed over me.
The traces left by Victoria from the past carried an overwhelming weight.
As I washed the pot from the VR device, my mind inevitably grew heavy with complicated thoughts.
I didn't want to know what had happened to Victoria, who had surrendered her body to me, but I couldn't help but realize.
She must have killed herself before I returned.
She probably entered the VR device with a lit charcoal briquette, intending to end her life through carbon monoxide poisoning.
No wonder I felt like I was about to die the moment I opened my eyes after returning.
It seemed I had returned to reality at the exact moment of Victoria's death.
I hope she's gone to a better place.
If I could, I would have prayed for Victoria's soul to rest in peace, hoping to ease my troubled heart.
But unfortunately, I didn't have the luxury to dwell on the past Victoria.
I'm in no position to worry about others.
After a quick cleanup, I sat down in the VR device without delay.
I hesitated here, fearing that if I lingered any longer, my fear would overwhelm me and prevent me from moving forward.
If I were to be possessed by the game again, I might become the next suicide candidate.
Should I follow Victoria's path, or should I continue her legacy? This challenge was nothing short of a life-or-death gamble.
Initiating new user update.
A mechanical voice cut through the pounding of my heart.
I considered calling Shin Ara one last time, but it was already too late.
Despite tightly closing my eyes, my vision began to clear.
Soon, even the faint lingering smell of burnt metal vanished, and the virtual reality unfolded before me.
Welcome to another world, Universe.
Another world, Universe.
One of the countless names for hell.