The days had turned into weeks, and I no longer cried before I could sleep.
Tina played a great role in making me get over him; going to work helped as well.
There were mornings I'd look in the mirror, and reminded myself how beautiful I was.
I had experienced worse, and I will survive this. And I believed it.
Healing has a way of testing you when you feel you have started to breathe again.
One Friday evening, just like every other day, I was sorting my clothes after laundry when the doorbell rang.
I wasn't expecting anyone. I said to myself.
Again, the bell rang. This time, sharp and impatient. The seconds I opened the door, I almost forgot how to blink.
Oscar.
I stood frozen and stared at him in disbelief. Could this be real or was I dreaming, I stared at him like a ghost.
He had a nice haircut, his skin glowing in a rich tone, he stood there tall and Confident, with an expensive wristwatch, his eyes were still the same - bright and searching. He looked made.
" Sophie." He called out slowly.
I stood there just staring at him. The memories flooded my mind.
Three years of silence. And here he was.
"Oscar," I said slowly.
"You sounded the same." He said, like he was nervous.
"And you still have the habit of showing up unannounced, " I said. This time, trying to be calm and steady.
"Old habits never die"
He smiled a little.
"Come in,"
I said.
"You looked different."
He said as he entered
"Older?" I teased
"No," He said, "You look peaceful."
If only he had a clue about the chaos my life has been recently. He wouldn't dare to say peaceful. I said to myself.
"I thought you would be married by now" He said, breaking the silence.
"You came early," I said, check next decade.
"How long are you in town?" I asked
"For some months," He said. I came for business.
Our eyes met. He searched mine like he wasn't sure of the reaction I'd give. He was scared.
"I didn't come only for business." He said
"I owe you an apology," He added.
I looked at my hands, and the pain I had buried stirred up again. This time, not because of Keston, but Oscar.
We dated for 5 solid years.
The most beautiful relationship I ever had. He was the perfect gentleman. We got engaged, and while wedding preparation was on, he got his dream Job abroad. I was happy for him and encouraged him to accept the offer. He assured me the distance won't affect us, and we put on hold all wedding preparations so he could get a better life.
He Travelled!
The calls were consistent for one month.
It felt I could still feel his presence from our long conversations.
Gradually, those conversations became short till they finally stopped.
I complained he was distant, but he kept on reassuring me till he could no longer do.
Thought he was settling in.
I made excuses for him.
But the silence grew into months and finally years.
And after three years, he appeared at my door for an apology?.
"You owe me no apology" I said.
I came to tell you what really happened and maybe, find out how you've been doing.
You didn't have to." I said quietly.
We both knew what happened. You had to work. Your dream Job, remember." I said.
"No," he shook his head. It wasn't about my job or the distance. "It was me."
"You planned it all" I said
"But the plan wasn't to lose you."
He insisted.
"For three years, you made it all about yourself. " Now what? I fired at him.
"I thought you'd met someone," I asked.
"None worked."
"I tried a few dates, but none felt like you."
"Get out of my house," I told him.
You left me, and yet you looked for version like me?
The guts!
At that moment, I chose to unleash all the anger and pain burning inside of me.
I waited on empty promises, placed my life on hold even excluded my life from the outside world.
Not to mention the few love interests I ignored because of him.
I felt empty again.
But didn't want him to see my weakness.
"Why do men always feel love was something women would keep waiting for?" I wondered.
"When it comes to men, keep your expectations low." The words of Tina came back to me.
First, it was Keston, now Oscar.
Hurt does not care about the reason; it stays with the memory they left behind.
That night I prayed to God!
I know I deserved better than "Almost love."
By morning, I picked up my phone to inform Tina of Oscar.
"Proud of you, girl." She said
Some men only come back to check if they still have access to you. She added.
"I smirked." The moment she said "Don't let him."
I dropped my phone to focus on the TV show, but the kissing scene had made me remember Keston and the girl he was kissing inside his car.
Different faces, same pain.
And there he was again, in front of my house the next day, pacing so desperately like an agitated child.
"We owe ourselves these conversations." He said.
I gave him that uninterested look.
Part of me wanted to jam the door in his face, the other part couldn't ignore his calm, familiar presence.
He entered carefully as if he was stepping on glass.
"Can I explain why I acted the way I did and hear how you've been?" He asked, as he sat on the couch opposite me
"Is that not the reason why you are here" Oscar.
"I tried," but things got messy abroad
I lost my phone, got caught up trying to survive. I thought reaching out after several months would make things worse.
"You left me hanging. I wondered what I did wrong that made you vanish. And you are here telling me you chose silence." I gave a dry laugh.
"I goofed," He admits.
"You have no reason."
I said, shaking my head.
I have survived without you. I said firmly.
He wanted to say something further, but I waved my hand in dismissal.