The day started with yelling.
And clanging.
And a suspicious explosion coming from the kitchen.
"Who the hell used all the hot water AGAIN?!" Bradley's voice thundered through the apartment.
"Relax, muscle-head, your abs don't need a sauna," Lucien yawned from the couch, flipping through channels like he owned the place.
"You think this body maintains itself with cold showers?!"
"i think it maintains itself with ego."
Bradley grabbed a frying pan.
Lucien grabbed a spoon.
The war began.
Meanwhile, Valerie was already in the kitchen — hair tied, arms crossed, and very visibly done with everyone.
"Lisa. You don't put sugar in omelets."
Lisa looked down, shyly holding the frying pan like a child holding a puppy.
"But… it's sweet… and happiness tastes sweet…"
"So does chaos," Valerie muttered, tossing the pan away and taking over.
Lucien, who had been watching them from the couch, grinned.
"Aww, you two already sound like sisters!"
Both turned toward him instantly.
"SHUT UP, LUCIEN!" they yelled in perfect harmony.
"See? You're already getting along," he said with a cheeky smile.
The DKA's sleek white hallways echoed with the team's bickering.
Ethan had his hands on his temples.
"Lucien, you're late. Again."
"I arrived fashionably late. That's different."
"You arrived after the mission briefing."
"Exactly — skipped the boring part!"
Mcgruffin strutted in wearing sunglasses indoors.
"Ladies and gentlemen, behold — punctuality personified."
Ethan side-eyed him.
"You live five feet away."
"And yet I still managed to be on time. Talent."
Hana, walking in behind them, sighed deeply, rubbing her temples.
"It's been three days… three. How are you already driving me insane?
Lucien shrugged, grinning.
"It's a gift."
The team assembled at the field.
"Alright," Hana said, trying to sound like a responsible leader, "today we're focusing on teamwork."
Lucien immediately raised his hand.
"Oh, I'm allergic to that."
Bradley cracked his knuckles.
"Perfect, I'll just train through you."
Valerie and Lisa were supposed to be paired for a synchronized attack exercise — which ended in Valerie's fireball nearly singeing Lisa's hair.
"Oops. My hand slipped."
Lisa blinked nervously.
"Y-you almost cooked me…"
"Then stand still next time."
Across the field, Ethan was giving Mcgruffin weapon-handling advice.
"The safety's on, genius."
"I knew that. I was just testing you."
Seconds later, a loud BANG! echoed.
Ethan's eye twitched.
"You almost shot my foot."
"Good reflexes, see? I'm training you too."
Lucien, sprawled under a tree, laughed his ass off.
"We're like the most dysfunctional bunch of people on Earth"
By nightfall, the apartment looked like a war zone.
Someone's training shoes were on the dining table.
Mcgruffin was singing karaoke terribly.
Bradley was flexing for no reason.
Lucien was stealing everyone's snacks.
Hana stood in the doorway, her expression dead inside.
"I… give up."
She turned off the lights and walked out, muttering,
"If anyone asks, I live alone."
Hours later, the bickering had died down.
Everyone was exhausted.
The lights were dim.
Lucien sat on the couch, Valerie on one side, Lisa on the other.
Ethan was cleaning his gun silently.
Bradley scrolled through his phone.
Mcgruffin snored upside-down on the couch armrest.
After a long silence, Lucien spoke up softly, his usual smugness fading.
"You know… for a bunch of annoying, loud, chaotic weirdos… I don't totally hate living with you guys."
Valerie smirked.
"Wow. That's the nicest thing you've ever said."
Lisa smiled shyly.
"I-I like it too… even when it's loud."
Ethan looked up from his gun.
"I wouldnt talrade this lace for a quiet on with many guns, I like quiet but quiet's boring, I like it here"
Bradley grinned, tossing a pillow at Lucien.
"You're still my rival though."
Lucien caught it and smirked.
"Wouldn't have it any other way, bro."
Even Mcgruffin, still half asleep, mumbled,
"Love you guys… now shut up, I'm dreaming of girls."
They all laughed quietly — the good kind of laughter, the kind that only came from surviving chaos together.
Lucien leaned back with a satisfied sigh.
"You know what? Our new roommates suck…"
A beat.
"…but maybe that's exactly what makes them perfect."
....
The next morning began with the sound of screaming.
And clattering.
And the faint smell of smoke.
Again.
"WHO USED MY SHAMPOO?!" Bradley's roar shook the walls.
"Not me," Lucien replied, towel around his neck. "Though I might've borrowed it spiritually."
"What does that even mean?!"
"It means your hair smells like lemons and mine smells like victory."
"YOU—"
Before Bradley could lunge, Valerie stormed out of the bathroom.
"Can you both not shout at dawn? Some of us actually have skincare routines."
Lucien leaned toward her with a smirk.
"Yeah, like using anger as a moisturizer."
"You want to test that theory, flame boy?"
Lisa peeked out from behind her room door, hugging her pillow.
"Um… breakfast?"
The three turned toward her, silent for a second.
Then Bradley sighed.
"Right. Breakfast."
Lucien smirked again.
"Last one to the table eats Mcgruffin's cooking."
Mcgruffin popped his head out from the kitchen.
"Hey! My cooking isn't that bad."
Everyone stared at the scorched pan behind him.
"Okay fine, it's bad."
Ethan was already in the briefing room, polishing his gun like it was an art piece.
"You people are late again," he said without looking up.
"No, you're just early," Lucien shot back, leaning against the wall.
"I live for discipline."
"And I live for naps. We all have dreams, buddy."
Hana entered, clearly tired from just existing near them.
"Let's just get through today without any explosions, please."
Lucien raised a finger.
"No promises."
It was déjà vu.
Bradley and Lucien were arguing mid-push-up.
"You call that form?"
"I call it surviving."
Valerie was trying (and failing) to train Lisa again.
"You need to be assertive, Lisa. Command your blade!"
"M-my blade doesn't listen to me…"
Ethan was sparring with Mcgruffin — who spent more time flirting with female agents passing by than actually blocking attacks.
"Focus!" Ethan snapped.
"I am focused… just not on you."
Hana blew her whistle so hard the birds flew away.
"You're all hopeless!"
"And proud," Lucien added with a thumbs up.
That night, the apartment looked exactly like yesterday.
Clothes everywhere.
Food on the floor.
Bradley flexing for no reason again.
Mcgruffin singing karaoke — terribly again.
Ethan trying to meditate in the corner, veins popping from stress.
Lucien leaned against the counter, watching it all unfold with a lazy grin.
"You know, this is starting to feel like a routine."
"A nightmare's a routine too," Valerie muttered.
Lisa was doodling quietly on a napkin, her drawing showing all of them sitting around a dinner table smiling.
Lucien caught a glimpse and smiled softly.
"Nice art, Lisa."
She blushed.
"T-thank you…"
Moments later, Bradley tripped over Mcgruffin's guitar cord and sent juice flying all over Ethan's freshly cleaned gun.
"BRADLEY!"
"I SWEAR THAT WASN'T ME!"
"YOU'RE HOLDING THE CUP!"
"I'M FRAMED!"
Lucien just laughed until his sides hurt.
When the shouting finally died down, everyone gathered in the living room again.
Same spots. Same faces. Same exhausted peace.
Hana leaned back in her chair.
"Three days… and I still can't tell if you all hate or love each other."
Lucien chuckled softly.
"Why not both?"
Bradley smiled, tossing a pillow at him again.
"You still suck."
"You too, bro."
Valerie sipped her tea.
"You're all impossible."
"And you're stuck with us," Lucien teased.
Even Lisa giggled quietly.
"It's… kind of nice though."
Mcgruffin raised his cup dramatically.
"To the world's worst roommates!"
Everyone laughed, raising whatever they had — cups, spoons, pillows.
Lucien grinned.
"Our new roommates still suck…"
A pause.
(To Be Continued)