"Whenever I'm with him, I find myself comparing him to my ex. I complain about many things, which isn't fair. At times, I become selfish, only thinking about my own happiness.
I recall asking him why he likes things a certain way, why he's so organized, and why he only shows his vulnerability to me. I grew tired of hearing about his heartbreak and struggles. It was exhausting.
When he cried in front of me, I felt awkward. I couldn't stop him, so I offered some comfort by patting his head. Instead of accepting his flaws, he tried to convince me that he'd become a better person in the future.
But when I left him, he stayed behind, and I expected him to move on. Little did I know that I'd end up attending his funeral. Everyone's faces were tear-stained, but I wondered if their tears were genuine.
His ex-wife was there, crying too. I couldn't help but judge people's emotions. When I heard about his divorce, I felt relieved rather than sad. It sounds harsh, but I was happy.
As I stood there, looking at his picture decorated with flowers, I felt a pang of disappointment. My tears didn't come, and I didn't know why. I had loved him in the past, but that love wasn't enough to make me cry after hearing about his suicide.
Then, a little boy appeared and called his mother 'mama.' I felt a surge of jealousy. After turning 38, my love life had disappeared. I couldn't even recall the last time I fell in love.
My life goes on – I work, make money, and travel alone. But now, I find myself craving the boy who held his mother's hand. I told myself not to think too much, btw I wouldn't kidnap him.
His mother's eyes met mine, and she gave me a piercing stare. I wasn't afraid, though. Even in the past, when my boyfriend's ex threatened me, I ignored them instead of fighting back.
I couldn't stay there any longer, so I left and sat in my car. I desperately wanted to cry, but my sadness was hidden deep within. I tried to find it, but the darkness consumed everything, leaving only a smile on my lips."