Ten years had passed since then.
I had turned forty, and my body had grown heavy. My beard was thick, and the wrinkles around my eyes had deepened.
I'd even shrunk a little, and with my strength diminished, I could no longer manage strenuous work.
Mizukume… no, Tamamo. If she hadn't provided for me, I would have surely died long ago.
"*Cough! Cough!*"
But that, too, was a story of the past.
It was the second year since Tamamo had left. I was sick and dying.
It was as if my body had been waiting for her departure to fall ill. A coincidence, of course.
I looked around the house, a bit too large for a man living alone.
There was furniture, but no person. I had grown accustomed to the empty house by now.
"I don't even have the strength to make a meal. Had I known it would come to this, perhaps I should have taken on a servant…."
The blanket covering me, this house, the rice I ate, the clothes I wore—Tamamo had provided it all.
It was, in a word, charity. Though not bound by blood, she was repaying the debt for having been raised.
Even now, I was still living by licking Tamamo's boots.
It happened two years ago.
"Another marriage proposal has arrived. It's about time you got married. How long do you plan on staying here?"
"...I don't want to. I don't want to marry a man I barely know. I'm comfortable here at home, you know?"
"You are eighteen. I am approaching forty. How long will you spend your life caring for an old man? You need to find your own happiness."
Tamamo had become even more beautiful. She had blossomed completely by the age of fifteen, and now at eighteen, it was impossible for her to go outside without covering her face.
Naturally, hundreds of letters proposing marriage had arrived at our home. They ranged from Mitsushi next door to men of nobility.
I even heard rumors that the Imperial Court itself had taken an interest.
I read every single letter, carefully selecting only the ones who seemed the most decent.
It was for my daughter's marriage, after all. I put my heart and soul into narrowing down the candidates. I ended up with about five, and I showed her their letters.
I told her to choose from among them. If she didn't like any, I would look for more.
But Tamamo, without even glancing at me, rejected every single proposal.
"For my sake, couldn't you at least meet them once?"
"I've already told you I don't want to."
To be honest, I was angry then.
I couldn't understand her intentions. I had been gently broaching the subject of marriage since she was fifteen.
She didn't seem to think badly of marriage itself, so how could I understand why she was acting this way?
I grew angry at Tamamo, who wouldn't even make an effort to read the letters I had so carefully selected, and for the first time, I raised my voice at my child.
"If you hate it that much, then I'll be the one to leave! I raised you to live as you please, so I have no right to interfere. I'm sorry!"
"Father?"
I really intended to leave.
But what could I do if I left? Who would take in a thirty-eight-year-old man? Whether I went to a temple or a back alley, I would surely be cast out.
Then I would collapse and die alone on the street.
That's what I hoped for.
I thought it would be better to die than to be a burden on Tamamo for the rest of my life, holding my daughter back while she cared for my old body.
"...Why? Do you want me to marry another man and leave?"
"It is a happiness to have someone to rely on. Look at me now. I have no wife, no grandchildren. I live day to day, begging for the money you earn. How long can this go on? You will also grow old and weak, and when that happens, who will take responsibility for your life?"
It was heartbreaking. She had grown up so beautiful and kind, yet it was a pity to see her bound to her father.
But Tamamo couldn't understand my feelings.
And I, too, couldn't understand my daughter's heart. In a way, the tragedy had already begun.
Tamamo lashed out with an expression I had never seen before. Her face was flushed, and her voice was so high it nearly cracked.
"You said I was the most precious person to you! Are you trying to sell me off to someone who knows nothing about me?!"
"I'm not selling you… You need to start your own family! Is there any other girl your age who isn't married?"
"In the end, all the men in those letters are nobles, aren't they? Rich, strange men. Isn't the money I earn enough for you? Is it because I'm not enough?"
The words went in circles. No matter how many times I told her it wasn't about the money, Tamamo wouldn't listen.
"Even if it's not marriage, you can't do other things because of me, can you? How long do you plan on just playing with numbers at the shop? Have you no thought of using your talents to their fullest?"
"When did I ever say I wanted to do that? Why do you keep pushing me when I say I don't want to? Why do you make decisions for me when I say no?!"
My head was hot. Tamamo and I were the same.
Reason had flown out the window, and only emotion remained, fueling our ugly fight.
"You're always like this, Father! I told you not to work, but you always go looking for something to do, and then you get hurt. Wasn't losing a finger enough, do you want to lose a leg too? You look like someone who wants to die!"
"So I should just be a fool who leeches off his daughter for his entire life? These days, even without going outside, I can hear the voices of people through the window! They say an insect lives in that house! An insect that crawls on, not even knowing it ought to die!"
The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I had gone too far. But there was no taking back what had been said.
"...…I hate you."
Wiping away her tears, Tamamo ran out of the house.
And she never returned.
It was six months later that I heard news of my daughter again.
"Is this the house of Mr. Lee?"
"...Who are you?"
A man dressed in luxurious attire opened the door and entered.
He immediately pinched his nose and began to pour out criticism.
"Dreadful. It's a wonder she was raised in such a place."
"...What are you doing?"
The men who followed him began to search the house, taking only the items that seemed valuable.
"*Ahem*. I must do my duty. Listen well. The Retired Emperor Toba holds Tamamo-no-Mae in high esteem and has decided to grant her one wish. Astonishingly, she said she wished to repay the parent who abandoned her, and His Majesty, moved by this display of filial piety, has ordered that your home, and all necessities for your life, be provided for."
"Your words are an honor, but there is no one named Tamamo-no-Mae in this house."
"She said you would understand if I said 'Mizukume'. Do you know who that is?"
Forgetting the vast difference in our stations, I seized him by the shoulders.
"How is she now? Is she hurt? Any news at all…"
"Release your hands! You insolent fool!"
Two strong men rushed forward and threw me to the ground.
"Enough! This is how commoners are. I shall forgive him."
At his single cough, the men released me. I lay on the floor, unable to even think of getting up.
"Consider yourself blessed. You will live in luxury thanks to your child."
"...I have lived in luxury my entire life. What more could I possibly receive?"
"I do not know. That is no concern of mine."
I was moved to a new house. It was a lonely house, one that held not a single shred of my memories with Mizukume.
Perhaps she would come to visit me. Two years passed while I entertained such impudent thoughts.
"*Cough! Cough!*"
And now, I am dying.