One Kick Girl — Chapter 20: "The Audit of Doom"
(Where the real enemy… is paperwork.)
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1. A Hero's Reward
Three days after the Synthra.exe incident, Metrosonic finally calmed down.
Sort of.
The city was still half-humming at 60 BPM, pigeons occasionally beat-boxed, and random light poles kept flashing "REMIX MODE."
But compared to total sonic annihilation, things were… fine.
Raon and Shion sat in their apartment, surrounded by ramen cups and the faint smell of burnt circuitry.
> Shion: "So, we saved the city again."
Raon: "Yup."
Shion: "And we'll probably get promoted, right?"
Raon: "Definitely."
The doorbell rang.
An envelope slid under the door.
> NOTICE OF AUDIT
"Due to collateral damages exceeding 14 billion credits, Hero #B-23 'One Kick Girl' is hereby subject to Comprehensive Bureau Compliance Review."
Raon blinked.
> "What's fourteen billion?"
"The cost of the entire downtown grid you kicked through," Shion replied.
"…Oh. My bad."
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2. Bureau HQ — Department of Hero Accountability
The Bureau's lobby looked like a DMV run by angels of despair.
Rows of heroes sat in chairs, filling out Form 47-Z: Self-Assessment of Catastrophic Heroic Output.
A monotone AI voice called out names.
> "Next: Hero #B-23. Reason for audit: excessive use of leg."
Raon stepped up.
At the desk sat an auditor wearing a visor labeled 'Compliance Drone 001.'
> "State your power."
"Kicking things once."
"State your weakness."
"Rent."
The drone paused.
> "Acceptable."
It stamped her file — INCONCLUSIVE.
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3. Mandatory Emotional Wellness Workshop
Apparently, heroes under audit had to attend "Group Empathy Sessions."
The room was full of famous heroes trying very hard to look traumatized.
Baron Silence sat with a notepad that just said [NO].
Manager Kimchi was crying over an empty lunchbox.
DJ Bloop strummed a ukulele in despair.
The therapist, Dr. Moodra, smiled too brightly.
> "Today we'll practice expressing our feelings using interpretive dance."
Raon raised her hand.
> "Can I kick my feelings instead?"
"Only if your feelings consent."
Shion whispered, "Please, don't."
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4. The Audit Committee
After three workshops, four surveys, and one "team-building trust fall" (which Raon accidentally kicked into orbit), the Audit Committee finally convened.
Manager Kimchi stood before a panel of humorless accountants.
> "In defense of Hero #B-23," he said, sweating, "her actions saved the entire city from becoming an EDM concert!"
Auditor: "But she destroyed the entire concert district."
Kimchi: "…Yes, but artistically!"
Shion stepped up with charts.
> "If you model the collateral damage cost against civilian survival rate, her efficiency ratio is technically positive!"
Auditor: "That's not how math works."
Shion: "It is if you use hero math."
Raon yawned.
> "So are we done?"
The chief auditor slammed the gavel.
> "Verdict: Hero #B-23 must complete Community Service: 100 Hours of Public Relations Duty."
Raon frowned.
> "What's public relations?"
"Smiling at cameras."
"…So punishment."
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5. PR Duty: Day 1
Raon's first assignment was to film a motivational ad titled "Kick Your Problems Away!"
She stood in front of a green screen while Shion held the cue cards.
> "Smile wider," the director said.
Raon's face barely moved.
"Perfect! Hold that soulless determination!"
They added explosions, theme music, and a dancing mascot named Kick-Chan.
By the end of the shoot, Raon had kicked the mascot across the studio.
> Headline next morning:
"One Kick Girl Kicks Child's Dream Live on Set."
Shion buried her face in her hands.
> "We're going to need another workshop."
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6. The Real Audit
That night, as Raon dozed off, her wall speaker flickered.
A familiar hum returned.
> "♪ AUDIT COMPLETE. SYSTEM REBOOT BEGINNING. ♪"
Shion's tablet lit up with corrupted data streams.
> "Raon… this isn't Bureau tech. It's Echo Prime's signal again."
Raon groaned, grabbing her shoe.
> "Even the audits have sequels now."
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[End of Chapter 20 — "The Audit of Doom"]