I felt a little better when my toes touched the ground.
I hated flying. It made me queasy.
Some nights, I woke in a cold sweat from a dream where my chi suddenly cut off while I was soaring over a mountain and I plummeted to my doom.
Suppressing a shudder, I checked myself to be sure I was in one piece.
My clothes were little more than rags. I'd lost my belt buckle and was forced to hold my pants up with one hand.
This had made killing the last cultivator a bit of a challenge. He had been close to breaking through to Fourth Stage, I suspected. His punches were wreathed in flame, and he'd shaken the very heavens with his roar.
Very respectable stuff.
His body was a bit of a mess now, though.
I couldn't see where his head had landed.
Which was a shame. I had promised him I would kick it like a football. I hated to go back on my promises, but it wasn't my fault I couldn't find it among all this rubble.
"Husband!" My wife flew down from the sky. She was a pretty woman who looked to be in her twenties while I looked every inch my twenty hundreds. Her fingers were slick with blood. Whose, I don't know. I scratched my head, trying to remember who she'd been fighting. She dropped down beside me, her eyes wide and caring as she plucked at my rags and checked my slim body for any wounds. "Are you okay? Do you need a Healing Pill? I have one for you. It's a 12th Grade Great Sage Art Healing Pill, too!"
"Get off, woman," I growled, batting her hand away. "If he'd managed to touch me, then I, Ten Cent Wey, deserve to bear the scar! It would be a great dishonour to remove it."
"Husband is wise," she said, nodding with a sigh. "But also old. You should look after yourself. Fighting young cultivators is not good at your age."
"At my age?" I rounded on her. "What are you blithering on about?"
"Husband," she said, gently stroking my bare chest through the holes in my clothes. "Please calm down. I care for your heart. Come, I will make you some rice and soup while you take a rest."
"Rest? Pah!" I spat. "I don't have time for your nonsense."
Without waiting for more of her nonsense, I swaggered through the ruined compound towards the Great Hall which still looked to be mostly intact.
A few disciples cowered in the corners, but I couldn't feel any killing intent from them so ignored their presence entirely. The dragon cares nothing for the ants. A giant of a man swayed on his feet near the entrance of the Great Hall. His mail armor was broken.
The heavenly grade sword he'd tried to cut my wife in two with was shattered.
His left arm was about thirty leagues west, while his right was about thirty leagues east.
His helmet was on the floor. His head wasn't in it.
He squinted at me through the curtain of blood flowing from a cut above his brow.
I pointed my finger at him. He heaved a big breath.
"Pew pew," I said.
He dropped to the ground with a heavy crash and his soul went back to the Resurrection Wheel.
"Eep!" My wife squawked from behind me, shocked by the noise. Despite everything, she was a delicate and sensitive girl. She clutched the back of my shirt and buried her face in my shoulder. "Husband, I'm scared!"
I reached over to pat her on the head and kept moving.
I had to kick a few heavy beams out of my way.
And walk over a couple of dozen corpses.
Then use my heel to break the doors open.
Inside, an old man perched on a heavy throne. Beside him, two young men. One tall. One short. Both identical otherwise.
His sons, I thought.
The Sect Master had his eyes closed. He was trembling. No doubt holding his aura in so mere mortals like myself and my wife weren't affected by it. He was very considerate, and this made me feel happier about my decision to come here today.
His sons, though, looked a bit too pale.
I wondered if my wife had any pills they could use. They really looked sick.
A guard lunged at us from the shadows. He was shrouded in shadows himself and might have taken my head off if I was a little slower.
I lifted my arm and his sword clanged against my wrist.
It sort of hurt.
Kind of.
I mean, it made the bone resonate with the ringing of the steel blade.
Which was a bit like pain in a way. If you think about it.
"How dare you hit my husband!" My wife shrieked, slapping the man with the back of her hand and sending him crashing to the ground. "That's the hand he gives me head pats with! Husband, is it okay? Do you need a Healing Pill now?"
"Hmph," I grunted, flexing the joint. It seemed fine. But it was a 12th Grade pill she'd offered. "Yes, I think so."
She dug into her spatial ring and pulled out a small glowing pill, which she handed to me with a proud smile that lit up the room with its radiance.
"Here, Husband! Please receive my treasure."
I looked down at it.
Then back at her.
"That's not a 12th grade pill," I said.
"It's 4th grade," she acknowledged with a nod. "He only hit your wrist. And he was very weak."
"But I feel it all the way up to my elbow! I am sure I need the 12th grade healing pill."
"Husband!" She let out a laugh which was like a delicate bell. "You are funny! You are not even bleeding! Please accept my pill."
"I don't want it now," I growled, noticing the man was trying to rise to his feet. I gave him an irritated kick and he dropped back down with a groan.
If only he'd been strong enough to break my skin, I might've gotten a 12th grade pill!
"Oh? You activated your Healing Art?" Her eyes widened as she looked down at the man groaning in front of us. "He must be Stage Five Cultivator! Maybe even Six!"
"Don't be absurd," I hissed. "I didn't activate it!"
"Then take my pill!"
"No!"
"Take it!"
"No! I don't want it!"
"What?" Tears glistened at the corners of her eyes, still cupping the pill like it was the most precious thing she'd ever owned. "You don't want my pill?"
I glared at her.
I knew what she was doing.
She knew what she was doing.
I held out my hand. "Give it to me then," I seethed.
She dropped it into my palm and smiled meekly. "Your wife is obedient."
"My wife is a pain in the ass," I muttered.
"Pardon, Husband?"
"I said, my wife is an Alchemist, First Class."
She squinted at me, then patted my cheek. "Eat my pill."
"I will save it for later so I can cultivate while absorbing it for full benefit."
"Eat it now, Husband. I care for your wrist."
"I care for my tongue."
"Eat it," she said, folding her arms. "Or I won't make soup."
"Promise?"
She showed her tears again. "What are you trying to say, Husband? Do you not like my soup?"
I popped the pill into my mouth.
The acid taste burned.
It tasted of rotten eggs, decaying fish, and fermented cherry.
I hate cherry. She knew how much I hate cherry!
The foul flavour made me gag.
Eventually, I swallowed it, grimacing fiercely at her as I did so.
"I added some berries for you," she said sweetly. "So, it would taste delicious!"
I squinted at her. "Yes, I can taste the cherry."
"Oh, I wouldn't use cherry, Husband!" She put a hand over her mouth and giggled. "I know you hate cherry. Is your wrist better? Do you need another pill? I have another."
"It's fine," I grunted.
She patted my cheek. "You are a good boy, Husband. For taking your wife's medicine."
"Pah," I growled, turning away from her and back to the Sect Master. I stepped over the groaning man, taking great care to stomp his kidneys, as I swaggered toward the old one on the chair. Then lifted my head to shout as respectfully as I could; "Ten Cent Wey greets Sect Master!"
The two sons flinched.
"Sect Master greets Ten Cent Wey," The Sect Master said, his voice like crisp paper. He sounded very wise. I knew I couldn't afford to play games with him. I would need to be honest or he would see right through me. Then we'd be in trouble. This was a very precarious situation. "May I enquire as to why you have come to our humble sect, Great Elders?"
"Elders?" My wife peeked out from behind my back. "Did he call us Elders?"
"He did."
"Hey! Old man," she shouted, raising her finger. "I am still young! Look at my skin! It is smooth and supple. If my husband wasn't a gross pervert, I would be called a maiden! How dare you call me old!"
I frowned at her "Gross pervert?"
"You use me for dual cultivation," she pointed out.
"I use you?" I felt my face redden with outrage. How dare she call me a pervert! "I have seen brothels in the Imperial City which had purer maidens than-"
"Than what, Husband?"
"Than…"
"Yes?" She fluttered her eyelashes at me. "Please enlighten your little flower about the many times you have been to brothels."
"I didn't say I had been, only that I had seen!"
"So, you were looking at them."
"In passing!"
"You were interested."
"You can't miss them! They're gaudy places!" I glared at her innocent fluttering and then turned back to the Sect Master. "My apologies, Sect Master. My wife has no sense of decency. Please forgive her."
"Great Elder," the Sect Master sighed. "And Junior Miss…?"
My wife beamed at him and patted my arm happily. "He's so polite, Husband. I like him."
"Please enlighten us as to why you have come to my poor sect, attacked our gate, and slaughtered our people."
I blinked at him.
"You make it sound like a bad thing when you put it that way," I said, scratching my armpit. "This is a demonic cultivation sect, isn't it? We're all demonic cultivators here. Might is right, yes?"
The Sect Master gripped the arms of his throne and I had a feeling he was about to run out of patience. Although he did look almost as pale as his two sons.
I thought I should hurry up and get to the point before he blew a gasket.
"Great Sect Master," I said formally, dropping to my knees and planting my head against the floor. My wife followed suit, her voice a soft echo to my own. "This humble one begs you to please take us as your disciples!"