Kaz stood in the guild hall, clutching his debug console like a lifeline. The place was a circus: adventurers argued over loot, a mage accidentally set a table on fire, and the bard was still stuck on "Quest accepted!" Sys hovered nearby, scrolling through her clipboard like she was checking Reddit. "Your party's incoming," she said. "Try not to cry."
Before Kaz could protest, a booming voice shook the room. "BEHOLD! THE CHOSEN ONE HAS ARRIVED TO SMITE THE DARKNESS!" A woman in gleaming armor marched forward, her golden hair sparkling like a shampoo commercial. Her cape billowed (despite no wind), and her sword gleamed with an aura that screamed "I'm the main character." The crowd parted, mostly because she was swinging her sword like she was auditioning for a blockbuster.
"Who's that?" Kaz whispered.
"Liora Vayne," Sys said. "Cursed noble. Thinks she's in an epic saga. Spoiler: She's not. Also, she's your tank—well, sort of."
Liora stopped in front of Kaz, planting her sword into the floor, which briefly glitched into chocolate syrup. "Young hero!" she declared. "I, Liora Vayne, vow to guide thee on thy quest to vanquish evil! Together, we shall forge a legend!"
Kaz blinked. "Lady, I just want to not die to a slime again. One ate my shoes ten minutes after I spawned."
Liora's eyes blazed. "FEAR NOT! FOR EVEN THE HUMBLEST SLIME SHALL BOW BEFORE OUR DESTINY!"
As she monologued, a tiny figure zipped past, leaving a trail of sparkles. It was a fairy, no bigger than a soda can, with wings like stained glass and a sack labeled "LOOT." She hovered over Liora's shoulder, snatched her cape, and stuffed it into the sack.
"Unhand my sacred mantle, winged fiend!" Liora roared, chasing the fairy.
The fairy stuck out her tongue. "Pippa takes what Pippa wants! Cape's shiny, so it's mine!" She darted away, only to crash into a hulking golem lumbering through the crowd. The golem, made of stone and moss, sighed like he'd just been asked to work overtime.
"Great," the golem muttered. "Another chaotic party. I'm Grumm, tank. Don't expect me to enjoy this. I've got a bad knee and no 401(k)."
Kaz pinched his nose. "Sys, what is this? A prank show?"
"Your party," Sys said, grinning. "Drama queen, klepto fairy, depressed rock. Now pick a quest before the guild boots you for loitering."
Kaz glanced at the quest board. A glowing sign read: "URGENT: Defeat the Rabid Squirrel of Doom. Reward: 50 gold, one slightly used sock." Below, in fine print: "Warning: Squirrel may be invincible due to Patch 3.1.2."
"This world is broken," Kaz muttered.
"Welcome to Aetherion," Sys said. "Now move, or I'll nerf your respawn point to a porta-potty."