The moment the smoke cleared to reveal a small army of 'Narukos,' Raimon felt his non-existent heart skip a beat. This wasn't the cheeky, censored transformation from the anime. This was… a fully realized, spear-wielding vision that was an assault on the senses!
It was no wonder the Third Hokage and Iruka-sensei had immediately short-circuited, their noses geysering blood. This technique wasn't just a prank; against a male opponent, it was a weapon of mass psychological destruction. Against a female like Kaguya, it was a hard stun. It was, in its own bizarre way, genius.
Phew~
Raimon let out a long, steadying breath and walked over to the real Naruto, giving him a sharp flick on the forehead.
Poof! The legion of Narukos vanished in a collective puff of smoke.
"This kid… he probably hasn't actually seen one, has he?" Raimon muttered to himself. "No wonder his transformation comes with a 'spear' included. He's working off pure, misguided imagination."
It was a sobering thought. Naruto, with no one to guide him, had survived and even thrived through sheer, unadulterated instinct. It was a miracle he hadn't turned out completely twisted.
"Alright, Naruto," Raimon said, his tone serious. "Let's put a pin in the Sexy Jutsu for now, okay?"
"Why, Uncle?" Naruto asked, genuinely confused. "It's my strongest technique, dattebayo!"
Raimon rubbed his temples in exasperation. How could he explain that if he ever tried that on someone like Zabuza, the resulting… feedback… from the dispelling Shadow Clones would be a traumatic experience he wouldn't soon forget?
"Just… trust me on this. For now, let's focus on something more fundamental. You're going to learn the Rasengan."
Naruto's eyes lit up. "The Rasengan? Is it super powerful?"
"Of course it's powerful. It's a technique you can use for the rest of your life," Raimon confirmed. "And it's also incredibly difficult to master."
It was the quintessential Namikaze problem-solver. When in doubt, use a Rasengan. If one doesn't work, use a bigger one. Raimon operated on the same principle, just with drills. He refused to believe any enemy's backside was made of adamantine.
He began explaining the basic theory of the Rasengan. Given that Naruto's academic intelligence seemed to have been a casualty of his lonely upbringing, he decided to skip the complex chakra theory and go straight to the practical, hands-on method Jiraiya had used in the original timeline. He pulled a water balloon from a storage scroll and tossed it to Naruto.
"Here. Your first task is to inject chakra into this and make it pop from the inside."
To demonstrate, Raimon picked up another balloon. With a brief surge of chakra, the balloon instantly burst with a satisfying pop.
"Like this?" Naruto asked, clutching the balloon tightly in his hand. He scrunched up his face in concentration, pouring raw chakra into the rubber. "Hnnnng… HNNNNNG!"
He strained, his face turning red, but the balloon remained stubbornly intact. He was just flooding it with chakra, lacking the all-important rotational force. It was never going to work.
"It seems you need a more… tactile demonstration," Raimon concluded. Sometimes, feeling was better than imagining. He extended his index finger, and a tiny, harmless-looking, pale blue orb of chakra spun into existence above it.
He certainly wasn't going to use a drill on his beloved nephew. Instead, he gently pressed the mini-Rasengan against Naruto's backside.
FWOOP!
Naruto let out a yelp as the rotational force sent him spinning through the air, landing with a splash in a nearby stream.
"UNCLE! What was that for?!" he sputtered, climbing out of the water.
"Remember that sensation!" Raimon called out. "I want you to really feel the rotation! A bartender has to know what his own brew tastes like!"
Soaked and shivering, Naruto sat on the riverbank, cross-legged and eyes closed, trying to recall the unique, spinning impact.
"Hmm~ Hmm~" he hummed, his face a mask of intense focus. After a long moment, his expression was still one of pure confusion.
"Uncle! I need more data! Hit me again!"
Without hesitation, Naruto formed a hand sign. Poof! Poof! Poof! Ten Shadow Clones appeared, all lined up and presenting their backsides to Raimon, awaiting their fate. The clones' sensations would be transmitted back to him; it was painful, but efficient.
Raimon shrugged. "If you insist."
In a flash, ten of his own Shadow Clones appeared, each wielding a mini-Rasengan.
FWOOP! FWOOP! FWOOP!
A chorus of pained yelps echoed across the training ground as the clones were sent flying and dispelled in mid-air. The sensations flooded back into the main Naruto, who was now clutching his own backside and writhing on the ground.
"GYAAAAAH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
It wasn't the pain of tearing flesh, but the intense, concentrated heat of high-speed friction. It felt like he'd sat on a spinning stove-top.
Watching his reaction, Raimon idly wondered if he should develop a flaming drill variant. The drill would do the initial damage, and the searing heat would cauterize the wound. It was efficient.
After this… unorthodox… learning experience, something seemed to click for Naruto. By the afternoon, he picked up a fresh water balloon, focused, and with a sharp POP!, destroyed it instantly.
Seeing his rapid progress, Raimon decided he was ready for the next stage. He tossed Naruto a bag of uninflated balloons.
"Here. Blow these up yourself. Your next task is to inject your chakra and make the balloon rotate without popping it. You need to maintain the rotation and compress the chakra at the same time."
Naruto's face scrunched up in confusion. "Huh? But you just told me to pop it! Now you don't want me to pop it? Why?"
"Why do you have so many questions?!" Raimon barked, feigning irritation. "Just do it!"
As the sun began to dip below the horizon, Naruto was already able to maintain the chakra rotation for a few seconds without the balloon bursting. For a single afternoon's work, it was remarkable progress.
"Alright, that's enough for today," Raimon announced, hearing Naruto's stomach growl like a caged beast. A growing boy needed his fuel.
...
Just then, a familiar figure limped into view from a side path. It was Sasuke, clutching his own posterior with a pained expression, his walk a delicate, stilted waddle.
Is this… really training? Sasuke thought miserably. His backside was on fire, and his pants were torn, forcing him to use his shirt as a makeshift loincloth to cover his reddened flesh. Propelling oneself using only gluteal muscles was a full-body workout of the most humiliating kind, and every step sent a fresh jolt of agony through his system.
"Yo! Sasuke-teme!" Naruto called out, also clutching his own sore behind.
Seeing that Naruto was in a similar state did wonders for Sasuke's mood. In an instant, he forced his pained limp into his usual, cool-guy swagger, hands sliding into his pockets as he approached.
"Yo. How's the dead last progressing with his studies?" he asked, his voice dripping with his trademark arrogance. He had, after all, awakened his Three-Tomoe Sharingan and survived a day of training with Konoha's Green Beast. He was riding a high, sore backside or not.
Naruto curled his lip. "Tch~ I've already learned an A-rank ninjutsu!"
He thrust out his right palm, and a faint, shimmering blue orb of chakra began to form. It sputtered, spun wildly for a second, and then dissipated with a pathetic fizzle.
"Heh… hehehe~" Naruto laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. The attempt to show off had fallen just a little short.
Still, the progress was undeniable. Sasuke felt a spike of irritation. It had taken him a full month to master the Chidori.
"Alright, that's enough, you two," Raimon said, stepping between them and placing a hand on each of their heads before their bickering could escalate into a butt-kicking contest.
"Naruto, you still have a long way to go. Sasuke here has already mastered chakra nature transformation. But you'll get there."
Hearing this, Sasuke crossed his arms and looked up at the sky with a smug, forty-five-degree angle tilt of his head.
"Stuck-up Sasuke, damn it!" Naruto yelled, hopping up and down. If Raimon hadn't been holding him back by the head, he would have launched a kick aimed squarely at Sasuke's already injured pride and backside.
"Let's go. My treat," Raimon declared, releasing them and starting to walk towards the village center.
The two rivals instantly stopped their squabbling and fell into step behind him, both still subtly clutching their sore rears.
"Tch~ You're not so great yourself," Naruto muttered, spotting the tell-tale redness on Sasuke's exposed skin.
"Tch. You're one to talk," Sasuke shot back, refusing to acknowledge his own discomfort.
And so, bickering and shoving each other playfully, the two boys followed Raimon towards Ichiraku Ramen, the shared agony in their backsides forging a strange, new bond of mutual suffering.
When they arrived, Teuchi, the ramen chef, greeted them with his usual warm smile.
"Little Naruto! Welcome! And Sasuke-kun too! Come, have a seat!"
The two boys exchanged a glance, then remained standing in silent, painful solidarity.
Teuchi's smile widened when he saw Raimon. This man had given him countless pieces of business advice back in the day, which had dramatically improved his shop's success. It was also a key reason he'd always looked out for Naruto over the years.
Since his Edo Tensei body couldn't eat, Raimon ordered for the boys.
"Teuchi, get these two a bowl of your spicy mapo tofu to start!"