The shock and self-doubt of that night rippled through Lu Zhao's heart like a stone tossed into a deep pool, sending out layer upon layer of undulating waves that refused to subside.
He tried to analyze the chance encounter rationally: Perhaps it was just another persistent attempt by Jiang Jin, and Gu Xun happened to be in a good mood that day—or maybe he simply couldn't be bothered to refuse? Two roommates grabbing a meal near campus was perfectly normal; he'd overreacted.
But even he couldn't convince himself of this explanation. Jiang Jin's cautious expression, Gu Xun's rare, guard-down calmness, and those two opened bottles of beer on the table... These details combined painted a picture utterly different from his understanding. Gone were the familiar resistance and pressure; instead, there was something... incomprehensible, almost "harmonious."
This "unknown" unsettled him more than any explicit conflict. It shook the psychological defenses he'd painstakingly built over the past months—the line separating "normal" from "abnormal," 'safe' from "dangerous," now blurring into indistinctness.
Uncontrollably, he began revisiting details from his freshman and sophomore years. Jiang Jin's overly intense gazes, the gifts coldly rejected by Gu Xun, the subtle tension that permeated the dormitory, making him instinctively want to flee... Interactions he had once simply dismissed as "Jiang Jin being too enthusiastic" or "Gu Xun being too aloof" now took on entirely different meanings under the new lens of "same-sex affection."
A belated, overwhelming sense of absurdity enveloped him. Had he truly lived blindly beside such obvious emotional entanglement for two years, completely oblivious? Or had he subconsciously sensed it all along, only to deliberately ignore and suppress those signals out of inner resistance and fear?
This doubt about his own perceptiveness plunged him into deeper confusion.
Meanwhile, the hardships of real life showed no sign of easing amid his inner storm. On a bitterly cold morning, the water heater gave up the ghost. Shivering under the icy stream, he felt like a fool abandoned by the world. Group assignments stalled again due to miscommunication; his messages in the group chat went unanswered, leaving him drowning in frustration and helplessness.
On impulse, he tapped open the dorm group chat, nearly forgotten in his message list. The last activity dated back to summer break. Staring at Gu Xun and Jiang Jin's profile pictures, his finger hovered over the screen, hesitating to send a plea for help—whether about the coursework or the broken water heater. A strong, unwelcome sense of dependence stirred within him.
But in the end, he didn't press send. Pride, and the fear of receiving a cold response—or worse, being confirmed once more as an "outsider"—stopped him.
He immersed himself in part-time work and studies, numbing his nerves with exhaustion. Yet loneliness followed him like a shadow. In the packed subway car, in the noisy home of his tutoring student, in the late nights returning to his silent rental apartment—he acutely felt every connection to his surroundings severed. The "island" he had built for himself had now become a cage imprisoning him.
Meanwhile, that chance encounter had also cast pebbles into the hearts of the other two.
After that night at the barbecue stall, Jiang Jin was visibly unsettled. Several times he picked up his phone, intending to send Lu Zhao a message, only to type and delete repeatedly before ultimately not sending anything. He felt a pang of regret—not because Lu Zhao might see it (deep down, perhaps there was even a secret, faint hope of being seen), but because of Lu Zhao's reaction: that panicked, frantic escape as if encountering something terrifying. That reaction felt like a thorn lodged in his heart, a stark reminder of how "abnormal" his feelings might appear to others. He grew more restrained in his actions toward Gu Xun, even adopting a deliberate aloofness, as if trying to prove something to some unseen audience.
Gu Xun, however, remained as calm as ever—at least on the surface. He made no mention of Lu Zhao's flight and seemed oblivious to Jiang Jin's subtle shift in attitude. He continued shuttling between the lab and classrooms, though occasionally, returning to the silent dormitory late at night, he would stand by the window. His gaze would rest on the distant cluster of scattered lights belonging to the off-campus rental houses, his expression serene, lost in thought. Lu Zhao's departure felt to him like merely removing an insignificant variable from his life, restoring everything to the pure order he controlled best. Yet within that order, a new, deeper emptiness seemed to linger.
Time slipped away in an eerie, mutually suppressed atmosphere. Lu Zhao received no inquiries or concern from anyone, dashing the faint, secret hope that had lingered in his heart. In its place came deeper disappointment and self-mockery. Jiang Jin and Gu Xun maintained an unspoken silence, as if that chance encounter had never occurred.
Until the end of the semester crept near, an inescapable reality—like a final whistle—pierced the fragile calm: they needed to form teams for the semester's most crucial major course assignment.
The grade for this course was paramount, and the task was demanding, requiring teams of three or more. Undercurrents swirled through the class as top students formed powerhouse alliances and popular peers quickly banded together. Lu watched the constantly updated pairing notices in the group chat, feeling like a forgotten pawn cast aside in the corner.
He stared at the computer screen, the cursor blinking on the blank document like his own empty mind. He knew he had to make a choice. Should he cling to his pathetic pride, risking being left without a team or even failing the course? Or should he set aside that laughable ego and face the person he'd been desperately trying to avoid?
Outside the window, the winter sky hung heavy and gloomy, mirroring his mood. He took a deep breath, as if gathering resolve, and with trembling fingers, clicked open the long-silent dorm group chat.