Marine Headquarters, Marineford.
The atmosphere in the Fleet Admiral's office was completely out of sync with the bright sunshine and the lively chants outside.
A mix of shock, absurdity, and an indescribable headache hung thick in the room.
Sengoku had already read through the detailed battle report, encrypted and sent by Vice Admiral Gummir through a Den Den Mushi, then compiled by the clerks, three times.
His brows furrowed tighter each time, to the point they could crush a passing Sea King.
Vice Admiral Tsuru sat elegantly across from him, sipping her tea with poise. Yet if one looked closely, her fingers lingered slightly longer than usual on the cup's handle.
They weren't alone in the room.
Garp was sitting cross-legged on the floor with no regard for formality, a small mountain of rice crackers piled before him. Strangely enough, he wasn't eating; instead, he stared wide-eyed as Sengoku read the report aloud.
Kizaru leaned lazily by the window, hands in his pockets. His trademark sunglasses reflected the sunlight outside, hiding his eyes, but the slight curl of his lips showed deep amusement.
"...And that," Sengoku finally said, "is Vice Admiral Gummir's complete report on the battle against the Giant Axe Pirates."
He set down the few sheets of paper, light in hand but heavy as lead, and removed his frog-shaped glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose hard.
The office fell into an uneasy silence.
"Pfft-"
Garp was the first to break it, bursting into explosive laughter so loud it shook the room. He clutched his stomach, pounding the floor.
"Bwahahaha!! Hahahaha!!! One sentence! Just one sentence and everyone fell asleep?! Even that shit Owen couldn't resist?! Gummir's face must've been priceless! BWAHAHA! My stomach hurts!!"
His roaring laughter echoed absurdly in the serious atmosphere of the Fleet Admiral's office.
A vein popped on Sengoku's forehead. "Garp! Quiet!!"
But Garp couldn't stop, tears leaking from his eyes as he laughed uncontrollably.
Tsuru finally set her cup down with a crisp clink, the sound enough to make Garp tone it down a little.
She looked at Sengoku, her calm tone carrying a trace of curiosity. "The report says Owen initially resisted the drowsiness and even threw his axe?"
"Yes." Sengoku picked the report back up, pointing to a paragraph, his tone increasingly complex.
"Then it says, 'Captain Renzo seemed quite annoyed, muttering something about how annoying flying objects are.' Right after that, Owen's axe, which was thrown with all his strength and could've ripped through ship armor, suddenly... 'lost all kinetic energy,' 'fell like a lump of iron,' and 'dropped into the sea.'"
He read each word slowly, and with every word, the absurdity in the room thickened.
"Lost all kinetic energy?" Tsuru repeated, eyes glinting with realization.
"It seems his ability doesn't just affect living beings. Even objects, and perhaps their energy, can be influenced, made to become 'lazy.'"
"That's just cheating! Puhahaha!" Garp burst out laughing again.
"How are you even supposed to fight that?! The guy's the worst kind of opponent, you lose the will to fight, and even your weapon can't be bothered!"
Sengoku ignored him and looked to Kizaru. "Borsalino, what's your take?"
Kizaru turned lazily, dragging out his words: "Mmm~ what a terrifying ability~~~ completely unreasonable, isn't it~"
He tilted his head as if in thought.
"Compared to just putting people to sleep, making attacks themselves 'too lazy' to work sounds even trickier~~ After all, someone asleep can still be woken up, or hit by a stray bullet."
"But if the attack itself becomes ineffective..." He clicked his tongue. "That means conventional methods won't work on him at all~~ Even getting close could become quite the 'bother'~"
His comment struck the heart of it, Renzo's ability came with near-perfect defense.
Sengoku sighed deeply. His headache worsened.
He had originally assumed Renzo's power was mainly for large-scale crowd control. He hadn't expected it to come with near rule-level defensive effects.
"This report is highly valuable," Tsuru summarized calmly.
"It confirms several key aspects of Renzo's ability: mass psychological influence, effective weakening of strong enemies, and near-impenetrable passive defense. More importantly," she paused, looking at Sengoku, "it reveals his behavioral pattern, he despises trouble and will use his power 'efficiently' to remove it."
"Efficiently," Sengoku repeated with a bitter smile.
"Oh, he's efficient, all right. He completed the entire mission without a single headquarters Marine lifting a finger, taking down a pirate crew worth 190 million in bounty... but then..."
His tone turned helpless. "According to Gummir, he refused to take part in the post-battle operations, skipped the prisoner transport, and just slept in the cabin the whole time!"
"How do we handle commendations for that? What about morale? Are we supposed to rely on him for every mission from now on? What will the other officers think?"
That was the real problem, Renzo's power disrupted the balance, but his personality clashed completely with the military system.
"Ehh~ isn't that fine?" Kizaru drawled lazily.
"If he hates trouble so much, why not tie his 'comfort' to headquarters' 'goals'? Like this mission, make the Navy the most peaceful, least troublesome place for him. Then anyone who disturbs that peace, say, pirates, will naturally become his 'trouble' to eliminate~"
Tsuru nodded in agreement. "Borsalino is right. Renzo can't be managed by normal means."
"He's not a weapon to be tightly controlled. He's more like... a comfort zone that automatically exterminates nearby pests, provided you maintain it properly."
Garp finally finished laughing and wiped his tears. "Anyway, this kid's hilarious! Next time there's a show like that, count me in, I wanna see it live!"
Sengoku looked at the three before him, one treating it like a joke, one looking for ways to slack off, and one already drafting a long-term 'maintenance' plan.
He let out a long, weary sigh. His career as Fleet Admiral had just reached a new, absurd level of difficulty.
He picked up his pen and wrote in Gummir's report.
"Ability confirmed. Evaluation: Strategic-level. Continue with current 'containment' plan. Grant top-tier logistical support. Credit and rewards to be handled solely by Vice Admiral Tsuru and converted directly into material compensation, no standard procedures required."
Setting the pen down, he told Tsuru, "When he gets back, tell him his 'performance' this time was excellent. From tomorrow onward, the Headquarters Canteen's 'Secret Menu' is permanently open to him."
Tsuru smiled faintly. "I believe that's the reward he'll appreciate most."
Just then, the adjutant knocked and entered with another document.
Sengoku took it, and his face grew even stranger.
"What now?" Tsuru asked.
He handed it to her, his tone complicated. "The Science Division's preliminary analysis... of the retrieved giant axe."
Tsuru skimmed the report quickly, surprise flashing in her eyes.
Garp and Kizaru leaned in curiously.
It read: Upon inspection, the material composition of the recovered axe showed no abnormalities, but its internal structure appears to have undergone some 'conceptual impact.' All microscopic 'activity' and 'energy conductivity' have drastically diminished. The object has become unusually inert.
In short, the weapon that had once accompanied Owen through countless battles seemed to have grown "too lazy" to be a weapon anymore.
Kizaru pursed his lips, giving his classic verdict:
"Truly... terrifying~~~"
Even weapons could become lazy...
Sengoku leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. It felt less like he'd recruited a soldier and more like he'd brought back a god who could rewrite the rules of reality, a God of Sloth.
Silence returned to the office, broken only by Garp's occasional quiet chuckles.