The trip back home feels longer than usual, every step is heavier than the last. My thoughts are only making it worse. The path looks the same, but they feel empty now without Raya.
Her voice is still loud in my mind, the look on her face when I ask her to come with me, hurts more than I imagine.
"It's not that simple," she says but her eyes give her all away.
Raya never wears that look, when she talks about me. My wolf shifts restless inside me, it yearns for her scent, her face and everything about her.
It wants me to turn back and drag her away from that place, if I have to. I remember the way she look me straight in the eyes and said No! I squeeze my fists and walk faster.
The word has never been heavier than it is today. When I reach the borders, a few guards step forward to greet me.
"Alpha Kael," one of them says, bowing slightly. "Welcome, let me help you with your things."
"Get out of my way before I slice you into two!" I order, pushing past them. My time is harsh and uncalled for, making them scared. But I don't care.
I hear whispers from behind me as I storm off.
"He must have fought with Raya again."
"He always gets like this after seeing her and she pisses him off."
I know deep down that they are not entirely wrong, Raya is the only one that gets to my nerves.
I get inside the tent, lay down what I am carrying. I kick the chair away and start pacing with my fingers under my chin.
"How did Rex do it? How did he get into her head so fast? I groan inwardly.
I picture him sitting next to her, fucking her hair behind her eyes and looking at her the way only I should. Anger surge through me and I punch the table hard, the sound echoes through the tent.
"For crying out loud!"
The flap opens, and Richard walks in scanning the room like he owns the place. He's the only one apart from Raya who isn't scared of me when I'm like this.
"Hey Kael," he calls out carefully."What happened?"
With my eyes glue to the table, I continue pacing. "I don't know."
"Kael…"
"Don't you understand what I don't know means?!" I thunders. "I don't know anything. I don't know what's going on in her head. She refused to come with me, Richard. She look straight into my eye and said she's staying."
Richard quietly looks at me for a brief moment, unsure if he should talk or not.
"The High Council gave an order for Raya to go Rex as his mate. You know what that means…"
"I don't want to know what the Council ordered!" I bark, turning around to face him. "Don't you get it? Whatever they say, is really none of my business. Who they are has nothing to do with me. I'm not one of their stupid subjects. We are rogues. We bow to no one."
Richard sighs and comes closer, sitting on the small bench by the wall. "I know that," he says quietly. "But they're powerful, Kael. They're not the kind you fight head-on. You need to think before you act."
"Think?" I laugh bitterly. "You feel I haven't thought about this? I've been going over the thought since the moment I saw her leave. Since I saw her eyes. They weren't hers anymore. Something's off."
He looks at me for a long second. "Off how?"
"She's different. Her eyes used to burn when she got angry. But now they look lost. Empty. Like she doesn't want me again."
Richard wraps his hand around himself. "Maybe she's tired, Kael. Maybe she's finally letting go of the fight. You should too."
That sets something off inside me. I walk over and slam my hand against the wall beside him. "Don't you ever tell me to let go again. You don't understand."
He doesn't move and he's not scared. He just looks up at me.
"Then make me understand. Because right now, you sound less like a leader and more like a man chasing a ghost."
I take a step back, breathing hard. "I can't lose her." The words come out small, almost broken. "Not after everything. I trained her. I fought beside her. I kept her alive. She's…"
"She's not yours," Richard cuts in, his voice firm but not cruel. "She's her own."
I freeze. The truth of it stings worse than any blade.
Richard keeps talking, his tone softer now. "You love her, I know that. We all do. But there's a thin line between love and obsession, Kael. And you keep crossing it."
I glare at him. "You think I'm obsessed?"
He nods slightly. "Yeah. Because you can't see her clearly anymore. You only see the version of her that belonged to you."
That hits harder than I expect. I look away. My throat feels tight, my chest heavier.
"She's being manipulated," I say finally. "Rex is doing something to her. Maybe it's magic, maybe it's a curse, I don't know. But she's not thinking straight."
"If he's hurting her," Richard says, "she'd tell you. You know she would."
I shake my head. "No. Not this time. There was something in her eyes. She's scared but pretending not to be."
Richard stands up now, crossing his arms.
"Kael, listen to me. She has lunar blood. She's not powerless. If she's still there, it's because she chose to be. You have to accept that."
I look at him, feeling the anger twist with helplessness. "You didn't see her face, Richard. She wants to come back. She just doesn't know it yet."
He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a breath. "You're wrong. She's not yours to save anymore. She's doing something bigger than you and me. Maybe she's meant to be there."
I laugh, bitter and hollow. "So what, I should just sit here and do nothing?"
"Yes," he says simply. "For once, you should."
Something inside me snaps. "Get out."
"Kael!"
"I said get out!" My voice is louder than I mean it to be. The tent shakes slightly from the force.
Richard watches me for a long moment. Then he nods slowly. "Fine. I'll be outside if you need me. Just… don't do something you'll regret."
He walks out. I stand there for a long time, staring at the ground, trying to calm the pounding in my chest.
But it doesn't stop.
Raya's face flashes before me, her eyes when I said her name, her silence when I begged her to come. The bond we built over the years feels like it's being ripped apart.
No. I can't let that happen.
I grab my bag from the corner, sling it over my shoulder, and storm out of the tent.
Richard is by the door, his expression tired but calm. "You're not seriously…"
"I am," I cut in. "Don't try to stop me."
He steps aside, watching me with that look that says he's seen this before and knows he can't change it. "Then go," he says quietly. "But if you go after her, you might lose yourself this time."
I meet his gaze. "Then let me."
I walk past him, ignoring the eyes that follow me, ignoring the whispers that rise again. The night air hits my face, cold and sharp.
The moon hangs low over the hills, pale and unblinking. I start walking toward the woods, the path that leads back to her.
Raya needs me. She might not know it, but she does.
And until she says otherwise with her own voice not his, not the Council's, I'm not giving up.
Not yet.