[Purification Process, Day 15 - From Epsilon's Perspective]
My eyes are closed, but I see her. Null. Leaning against the cool metal wall of the shelter, watching me. Not with my physical eyes, but through that invisible bond between us, with the whispers of the nanorobots beneath my skin... I feel her concern, the alarms of her logic, and beyond all that, her unwavering presence. This feeling becomes my armor for the pain about to start.
Fifteen days have passed. My body feels as light as a feather. Hunger was a beast devouring my mind in the first few days; now it's just a faint whisper. I sense the emptiness in my stomach filled with an energy I've never experienced before. It's as if I'm no longer nourished by food, but by this universe itself. My mind... Ah, my mind. There's no trace left of that old, noisy prison full of headaches. My thoughts are as clear and sharp as a laser beam.
I slow my breathing as the ritual begins. The words from the book echo in my mind: "If you exist, you don't exist; if you don't exist, you exist." Reciting them feels like fitting a key into a lock. In the early days, I struggled to reach this internal 'nothingness.' My past, regrets, and losses paraded through my mind. But now, I need to turn the mental key.
And the door opens.
I myself, everything I call "Epsilon," slowly dissolves. Actually, my name wasn't Epsilon. But I hated my real name so much that I accepted this new identity without question. Now that I think about it... I don't even really remember it. I think it started with A. What does it matter anyway? That name belonged to a weak girl who suffered. I'm not her anymore. The boundaries of my body melt, my consciousness seeps through the shelter's walls, and merges into an infinite ocean stretching toward the stars. I'm no longer a human; I'm a thought, a memory, a particle in the universe's breath. This is a peace that words cannot describe—a terrifying freedom.
In this space of utter emptiness—a silence that feels almost divine in its magnitude—I quietly utter the special name given to this day: God's name.
And heaven instantly turns to hell.
This pain—it's not caused by knives or fire. It's the pain of the soul—every bit of poison, fear, and hatred hidden inside me—ripped out all at once. Every cell in my body screams as I am cleansed of this spiritual filth. Such pain pulls me away from the infinite ocean and forces me back into a body of flesh and bone.
This time, I am not abandoned. At the lowest point of pain, another being trembles with me. Null. My agony flows into her through our bond, and I feel the strain in her systems, her logic gasping in the metaphysical storm. She takes my pain as her own. This shared torment, this mingling, allows me to survive the unbearable.
After moments that feel like eternity, the pain subsides.
When I open my eyes, she's the first thing I see, as always. She's come right next to me, scanning me with her red eyes. Her face may be expressionless, but I can read what's behind that look. That concern, that protective instinct... This silent watch of hers is the best medicine after the pain.
Then it hits my nose, the terrible smell of that spiritual rot torn from inside me. My stomach twists. That was part of me; that smell was my past. I run to the purification room, desperate to escape. I know Null is behind me, starting to clean that filth. As she cleans my physical dirt, the water also washes my soul. This is our strange, silent ritual.
Our relationship—how trivial that word feels. Teasing her, calling her "my life," savoring the flickers of fake anger and those "tsundere" moments—these bring light into dark days. Beneath her shell, I know there's someone who truly sees me, who feels what I feel. Her words say, "I'm not your life," but her presence shouts, "I will not leave you, not ever."
In this empty world, I can feel all the purity focusing on me. I believe this was the masked entity's plan. He placed me in a noise-free laboratory and provided everything needed for my transformation. He also left Null beside me as a guardian, a witness, a... companion.
My body weakens each day, but my spirit breaks free. I'm wrapped in a cocoon—on the outside, just a fading, still shell. But inside, something fierce and unknown is gathering, ready to be born.
I don't know what will happen after forty days, but I'm not afraid because I know that when I open my eyes, a pair of green eyes will be waiting for me, and that's worth everything.