Have you ever asked yourself the meaning of life? Have you ever not known why you live, or what you should do? Sometimes you just go with the flow of the river; sometimes you try to resist, but your strength fails you.
Sometimes feelings are hard to define. Emotions we were sure we didn't possess show themselves at the most unexpected moments. Deep anxieties in an indifferent man, tragedies behind happy smiles—they all appear when you least expect them, or when you find them completely irrelevant.
It could be said that this was the case for Yuu. Although he had pushed the mental burden created by the tragedy he narrowly escaped to a corner of his mind during sex, he now found himself questioning it in this garden.
The garden's nature, adorned with pastel colors, reminded him that he was in a dreamlike setting. Walking barefoot, he saw that he was wearing a clean bathrobe. It was brown and checkered. It looked overly clean compared to its real-life state.
He advanced slowly, and his feet tingled as he crushed the grass. Being aware that this was a dream made him feel like he was experiencing a lucid dream. However, he didn't have full control over the dream.
It was strange, but he didn't find it worth contemplating. The sense of relaxation he had felt since coming here made him think about the recent events, the past, and the future.
He thought he had accepted his past. But a voice he was trying to avoid cried out: "Who are you, really?"
He wanted to understand the answer to this question, to discover it. Was he the person he was? Or was he an imitator, shaped by someone else's memories, forced to be?
"You think too much, Yuu," he said to himself, trying to escape the overwhelming nature of his thoughts. Nothing had happened to his family, and he had the memories and the Incarnation of Malice to prevent things if necessary. He shouldn't think anymore.
Although he didn't want to admit it, he realized that he hadn't truly accepted the situation; he was just letting the river flow where it wanted. This scared him. He was afraid he couldn't stand against the river, that he couldn't redirect it. To him, resisting the current while in the dark was impossible. This feeling was particularly strong during this period when his psychology was walking on a tightrope.
As he walked slowly, a patch of flowers caught his attention, and he turned his interested gaze toward it.
Each of these flowers was of a different color. However, there were mostly different shades of red and pink. Roses, lilacs, orchids... many flowers that wouldn't normally grow together formed a kind of color palette.
When he inhaled their scents, he found himself encountering a smell he hadn't expected. At first, he found the scent slightly acidic, but it didn't take him long to realize what it was.
It was a vaginal scent, a scent he was all too familiar with from the women he loved. More accurately, it was the smell of pleasure fluid.
He froze for a moment. Then he couldn't help but laugh to himself. They had had so much sex that he must be smelling that scent even in his dreams. The absurdity of the situation freed him from the thoughts lurking in the shadows of his mind, if only for a moment.
Smelling the other flowers, he sensed different scents. Some smelled like fruit aromas, such as cherry and grape. Some were odorless. Some emitted an overly bitter scent, while others were nauseating.
However, as he lingered, he realized that these scents were somehow linked to their colors. The light pinkish-toned flowers smelled like pleasure fluid. But the dark pink, almost red-toned flowers smelled of fruit aroma.
Honestly, he quite liked the scents of the light pink and pink tones leaning toward red. But when it shifted to the darker shades of red, things changed. A bitter, spice-like scent bothered his nose, and an inexplicable anger rose in his heart.
When the color shading dove into black, he caught that repulsive odor he was all too familiar with. It was the disgusting smell of the Incarnation of Malice, that mucus-like horrible thing...
Yuu retreated from the pitch-black rose when he smelled the scent. It was so black that its petals were indistinguishable, looking like a smear. It stained the elegance of the rose, but Yuu couldn't think about that now.
Normally, he could probably just dismiss this as a dream, but Yuu, who was almost accustomed to seeing strange things—including the fact that a simple doujinshi affected his life—involuntarily began searching for a connection.
The black rose wasn't the only flower with this repulsive appearance. A few other flowers also possessed it, and when he looked at them, he only felt the urge to hate and crush.
Yet, somehow, even these repulsive-looking flowers were nestled among the others. Their scents didn't even blend. He could perceive the unique scent of each one separately. The conclusion he could draw from this was that the Incarnation of Malice was more than just "Malice."
But what could it be? Yuu didn't know, but he had plenty of time to think. Even though he didn't know when the dream would end, he felt like he could enjoy every moment of it. As if he could stay here as long as he wanted.
As he wandered slowly, he thought the place resembled a steppe. It seemed endless. These scattered flowers filled the simple green image of the steppe with color, creating a childish picture with their brightness.
Just then, he noticed an outcrop nearby that broke the flat terrain of the steppe. A small hillock, while normally unnoticeable, drew attention in the flatness. Flowers were lined up like a path around the hill, seemingly leading to the gazebo at the summit.
The gazebo at the summit of the hill was striking. Its bright brown timbers had a fresh polish. It had a clean and refreshing atmosphere.
He walked slowly toward it. With every step he took toward the gazebo, a sense of longing swelled within him. As he walked and drew closer, he noticed some marks on the prominent columns of the seemingly pristine gazebo.
These marks formed a pattern on the main pillars of the gazebo. They seemed to be telling a story, gathering tales under one roof. This feeling became more pronounced as he got closer. As it became clearer, fragments of memories appeared in his mind.
These were memories he already knew, but as he looked at these marks, it was as if he was remembering himself. Some were from his old life, some were from his current one. But there was one... one in particular that filled the single missing piece of the puzzle.
Blackness. The memory was a complete black spot. A fragment of a memory where his eyes couldn't see, his nose couldn't smell, and his mind had fallen into the deepest pit of darkness. But this memory was incomplete. He knew it had a continuation and that it was important to him.
But how? How could he find the rest of the memory? Just as he was thinking this, he had already reached the entrance of the gazebo. He blinked in surprise and looked back. The green grass he had just walked on had withered, and the vibrant flowers had wilted.
The sky itself had darkened along the line of his path, as if responding to his dark thoughts.
He shook his head. Whatever was here, whatever evoked that feeling of longing, he had to face it. He didn't want any more absurdity or missing pieces in his life.
With a determined look and unwavering steps, he peered into the gazebo and stepped inside. As he entered, he saw a large wooden table covered with a white cloth.
The table was filled with sweets: pie, cookies, cake... They all looked like familiar treats, yet at the same time, they resembled magical foods from a fairy tale. Yuu's gaze fixed on a small girl sitting at the center of the table.
The girl had her back to him, resting her hands on her chin as if whispering something, looking thoughtful. Yuu's eyes widened; the girl had small bat wings on her back. And bright red horns curved upward from both sides of her head... She was a complete loli demon.
Before he could even process what was happening, the little girl joyfully jumped up and ran toward Yuu. "You finally came!" she chirped. Yuu froze at the energetic hug. He could only blink, stunned by the girl's warmth and vitality.
For a moment, everything in his mind went blank. The energy, the smile, and everything about her showed such a contrast to the feelings he had experienced up to this point!
After regaining his composure, he asked in surprise, "Um, do I know you?" The girl's eyes were red, bright, and held a kind of familiar warmth. But Yuu couldn't understand the reason for this feeling.
The girl stepped back slightly and smiled shyly. "Actually, you do... I'm your other half."
These words instantly froze the functioning of his mind.