Ethan knox - September 2120
"Are you going to say something?" Kai asks quietly.
He's perched on the edge of the bed like a nervous puppy, hands fidgeting, eyes flicking everywhere except at me. And of course, the second I see him like that, guilt slams into my chest. My heart is practically yelling at me to just forgive him already, but my brain is still sulking in the corner with its arms crossed.
Since we walked into the room, I told him to sit. And I've been standing here, arms folded, staring down at him dramatically like I'm in some soap opera.
"Do you have something to say?" I ask, because I need him to actually admit it.
"Erm…" Kai glances up at me then back to the floor.
The silence stretches until he finally whispers, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" I ask.
"For… joining your revolution without telling you." His voice is so small I almost feel bad for breathing too loudly.
"And?" I press.
"And? … erm…" he trails off helplessly.
Of course he doesn't realise why that's not okay. To Kai, throwing himself into danger is just… another day. He's so used to getting hurt that he doesn't even see it as something worth mentioning. And that is the only thing he does that genuinely annoys me.
I sigh and lean closer. He leans back a little, bracing like something bad is coming.
"You are unbelievable, you know that," I say, exasperated and soft at the same time.
I reach for his cheek to keep his eyes on mine, but the second my hand lifts...
He flinches.
It's tiny. Barely there but I see it and I swear my heart splinters.
I pull my hand back immediately, guilt burning through me. I turn away so he won't see the look on my face, but before I can even take a full step he stands up and his hand shoots out to grab mine.
"Wait, Ethan!" His voice cracks. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not telling you and I'm sorry I don't even know what I'm supposed to be sorry for."
He stares at the floor like he's bracing for punishment I would never give him.
I turn around and pull him into a hug so tight I nearly crush him. He sinks into me instantly, forehead on my shoulder like he's scared I'll disappear.
"Don't leave… I'm sorry," he murmurs.
Oh, that does it. My whole chest twists painfully.
I stroke his hair gently. "Hey… I'm not going anywhere."
He stiffens a little at my touch, so I pull back to look at him. His eyes are heavy, unsure, my sweet boy who doesn't know how to be cared for.
"You should know by now," I smile softly, "I'm never going to leave you."
"Even if I don't tell you everything?" he asks quietly.
That hurts a little because I do wish he trusted me with all of him. But he has shadows he's been living in for years. Some secrets aren't secrets, they're scars.
"Even if you don't tell me everything" I say gently. "Though I'd prefer if you did." I nudge him playfully with my nose.
He gives a tiny nod. "Can you tell me what I did wrong... so I can understand?"
I cup his face again, slowly this time and he doesn't flinch. His eyes soften at the touch.
"You're too kind" I tell him with a teasing sigh. "That's why I'm annoyed."
He blinks, confused, adorable, so painfully Kai.
"erm... I don't understand," he says honestly.
"Of course you don't." I smile and take both his hands, letting him lace our fingers together like it's the most natural thing in the world.
"I'm annoyed because you're too kind and too willing to help, even if it puts you in danger. You don't even think twice about it."
He looks down guiltily.
"You didn't have to risk yourself for us," I continue softly. "Or for me. I just wanted you to be safe here. I want you to be happy... Free."
"I am happy here" he whispers again. "but the only thing I really care about is keeping you safe. And if joining your revolution is what it takes… then I'll do it."
My heart quite literally melts. My face heats and my ears burn. I lean into his chest to hide the chaos happening in my ribcage, but that was a big mistake, because I can feel his heart racing too, which only makes mine go completely feral.
I push him gently by the shoulders, walking him backwards until he lands on the bed with a soft thump. He looks up at me with wide, pleading eyes, like I'm the sun and he's hoping I won't burn him.
"Well…" I say coyly. "It's too late to go back now. But you still owe me a proper apology."
He rubs his thumb over my hand in small soothing circles, he does it every time he wants to calm me down and opens his mouth.
"Ethan, I'm really sor-"
I immediately press a finger to his lips.
"Nope," I grin mischievously. "I don't want a 'sorry'."
He looks utterly lost. It's adorable.
"I want you to do something for me instead," I say, leaning closer, letting the grin spread across my face.
And watching that confused, slightly flustered look on his face.
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"Do I really have to do this?" Kai asks, and his voice has that tiny waver of uncertainty that makes my heart flip even before I've turned around.
"Yes," I say, grinning even though he can't see it. "You said you would."
"Just… tell me when I can look," I add, covering my eyes with my hands and facing the window like he's about to unveil some ancient treasure.
Behind me, he lets out a long, suffering sigh, the kind that says 'this is stupid but I love you and somehow this is my life now'.
"…You can look now," he says, but he sounds like he already regrets every choice that led him to this moment.
I drop my hands, spin round and my heart just stops.
Kai stands there, awkwardly folding the cuffs of a crisp white shirt, wearing the same shirt-and-trousers outfit he'd worn on my birthday. His hair is pushed back from his face, slightly messy, but unfairly perfect, and he glances down at himself like he's not sure how he's meant to feel.
"I'm… not sure how this is supposed to make it up to you," he says quietly, adjusting the cuff again.
He has no idea. None. My brain actually short-circuits.
"Wow," I breathe, because my vocabulary has abandoned me entirely.
The last time he wore that outfit, I barely got the chance to appreciate it. We were interrupted and the day was slightly ruined before I could even stare properly. But now he's standing right in front of me, looking like every romantic fantasy I've ever accidentally had when he wasn't paying attention.
And my heart feels like it's trying to claw its way out of my chest just to throw itself at him.
He shifts awkwardly under my stare. "Is it… okay?"
Okay? Okay??
I think I'm going to melt straight through the floor.
I stumble forward a little, forgetting how to walk like a normal human, and just stare. "Kai… you can't do this to me. You can't just… stand there like that and expect me to be okay!" I clutch at my chest dramatically, because, honestly, that's what it feels like.
He blinks at me, a little unsure, and I swear his adorable confusion makes me want to swoop in and kiss that cute forehead of his.
"Did I do it wrong? I thought-" he starts, and I cut him off by shaking my head violently, a goofy grin spreading across my face.
"Nope. Shh. Let me appreciate this fine piece of art."
Kai huffs a little, clearly flustered, and his hand goes to the back of his neck, that classic guilty gesture that makes me want to tug him into a giant bear hug.
"You're insane," he mutters.
"I'm in a trance," I correct immediately, leaning closer. "And yes, that comes with a little insanity. But you, standing there in that shirt, like… come on! How can you be this perfect"
His eyebrows knit together and he finally looks up at me fully, and for a second I swear I can see his pulse in his neck. His eyes sparkle black and dangerous, and my stomach does a little flip.
He blushes, dark and deep, and I grin even wider. "Too perfect for your own good. And for mine." I whisper, leaning in to poke his nose gently,
Kai groans quietly but doesn't push me away, and I take that as permission to lean closer again, just enough to brush my hand across this chest.
I can't help myself.
My fingers drift over his chest like they're memorising him all over again, tracing the buttons, the fabric, the shape of him beneath it. The shirt sits a little too tight over his muscles, unfairly tight and my hands keep moving down his arms as if they've detached from my brain and decided to follow gravity and temptation instead.
When they trail back up, brushing over his chest again, his hand comes up fast and closes around my wrist.
"Ethan-" Kai breathes, barely a whisper.
I look up and completely forget how to exist.
His face is a full shade of red. His eyes tremble as if he's barely holding something back, and his teeth catch his lip like he's fighting a losing battle. The sight of him like this, all flustered, overwhelmed and just beautiful, hits me like a punch to the lungs. I'm staring at his lips for far too long, because the exact moment he notices, something inside him snaps.
His hands cup my face and he drags me into a kiss, hard.
A startled gasp escapes me, but I melt into it instantly, kissing him back with the exact same hunger. It's messy, desperate, too much and not enough all at once.
Then Kai leans forward and suddenly effortlessly lifts me... Just picks me up like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around his waist and cling to him, refusing to break the kiss for even a breath.
My heart is hammering so hard I swear he can feel it.
His hand slides up the back of my shirt, it's warm, firm, steady and I swear my spine arches into his touch on its own.
"Can you do that thing I like?" I murmur against his lips, grinning even as my voice shakes.
He tries to sound annoyed but he's breathing so hard it comes out more like a plea. "Do I have to?"
"Hmm… I think I might forgive you if you do," I tease, dragging the words out just to see that tiny spark in his eyes.
He huffs but his mouth is already on my neck, kissing, biting, tracing heat down my skin as he walks us towards the bed.
He lowers me onto it slowly, carefully, but he doesn't stop kissing me, not even once. And God, there's something so insanely hot about how controlled he is even when he's desperate.
Then he pulls back just enough to look at me.
He reaches up and undoes the top button of his shirt with one hand, eyes locked on me like he's unravelling me instead. My breath catches and my whole body lights up.
His fingers brush my cheek, softly and even though it's gentle, the moment he pulls away it feels cold.
Then, without warning, he lifts one hand and flicks it outwards.
Shadows bloom behind me.
They slide over the sheets, curl around my wrists, and tug my hands above my head before I can even gasp properly.
Which I do. Loudly.
Heat floods me so quickly I swear the bed dips with it.
God. It's so hot seeing him use his powers like this. So controlled. So confident. So him.
Kai leans over me again, the shadows holding me in place, his breath brushing my lips. And with my hands pinned, I can't reach him.
Which only makes me want him more.
Okay. I think I can forgive him now.