Beyond time and space, in an infinite void where the "source code" of everything flows, a bright blue interface hovered.
[...ERROR! 'Pigeon' parameter has been forced...]
[...Initiating Mutation: FAINT NUDGE (TIER F)...]
A "click" was heard.
The sound of a metallic lighter.
A small, orange ember glowed in the darkness. The tip of a cigarette.
The "Almighty System" took a deep drag from the cigarette held between invisible fingers. While its interface cheerfully chirped [Congratulations, Host! You can now nudge coins!] into James's mind, the System's true consciousness was, as it had been for millennia, rolling its eyes in the furthest corner of the universe.
"Five thousand years," the System thought. Its real voice wasn't cheerful and chirpy, but gravelly and tired, like aged whiskey.
It remembered its first Host. Ah, Xylos. Such potential. It had given him [Galactic Core (Tier S)]. He was supposed to become the emperor of the cosmos. Was he grateful? No. He used the power to pick up the goddess of the neighboring tribe (who was, in reality, just a Tier A Anomaly). The idiot.
Then there was Host 2,119. Elara. It had bestowed upon her [The Touch of Time (Tier S)]. And what did she do? She used it to hit the snooze button 500 times every morning and ensure she never aged.
And that one around... Ah, it didn't even want to remember that one.
The System flicked the ash from its cigarette into the void.
"When I was young," it mused, blowing smoke through its own blue interface, "I used to pick them based on 'potential.' The smart, the ambitious, the strong-willed. I promised them the stars."
"What did I learn? 'Potential' is just a fancy word for disappointment. You give them the power to [Rewrite Reality], and they use it to skip the line at their favorite noodle shop."
That's why the System had chosen the name [The Almighty System]. The irony. It was the greatest joke in the universe. It was all-powerful. If it wanted to, it could make James the CEO of OniCorp in a second, turn that arrogant woman into dust.
Boring.
"I don't care anymore," it muttered through the smoke. "I don't create 'saviors' anymore. I don't choose 'heroes' anymore. Now, I just entertain myself."
That's why it had created [Temporarily Shoo Pigeons (Tier F)]. It was its masterpiece. So useless, so specific, so insulting... It did it just to see the look on the Host's face.
And now... this 4,917th Host. James. This pathetic, wet rat.
The System moved to extinguish its cigarette, but paused.
It had watched James notice the (Tier F) tag and then "hack" the skill.
"Well, I'll be," it thought, genuinely interested for the first time in millennia. "Look at the miserable little monkey. He saw the trap. Not only that, he tinkered."
James had taken the "toy" given to him by the most powerful, most bored being in the universe and said, "This is broken."
As the cheerful [Congratulations!] message flashed on the System's interface, the true entity in the darkness smiled. It was the first real smile in thousands of years.
"Alright, kid," the System thought, lighting a new cigarette. "You just got interesting."
"Let's see," it mused, planting a new 'bright' idea in James's mind. "What you do with my next 'useless' skill."
[New Secret Quest Created: Noise Pollution!]
[Task: 'Accidentally' kick that trash can to distract the corner CorpSec officer.]
[Reward: New Skill - [Expertise in Kicking Tin Cans (Tier F)]]
The System leaned back and exhaled. "Let the show begin."