With Jaehyun out of the room, I turn around to grip the edge of the cold sink, the coolness of the porcelain feels like the anchor to reality that I need.
Is this it?
Is this what I have become- A pitiful comedy show for the first son of the enemy clan?
In just one week, everything I have built and fought for has crashed to the ground and is burning up in glorious flames that only my enemy and I can see, a private bonfire of shame and agony just for us two.
I take a deep and ragged breath, shaking from the intense pain I am trying my very best to supress as I run my fingers through my messed up hair.
Nothing makes sense to me, how did I go from winning over Jaehyun in every silent match to becoming his footstool?. How did Yunah go from being a loved child to becoming a tool to use in a game of thrones?
The thought of my sister makes my heart ache even tighter. Guilt fills my entire being- crawling up my throat until it is hard to breath and it dawns on me- this is all my fault, every single thing that has gone wrong is my fault.
If I hadn't followed Jaehyun the night of the attack into that elevator, if he hadn't seen me going into heat in that elevator- maybe it wouldn't have triggered this chain of events.
If I hadn't presented as a weak and useless omega, if I had been the strong Alpha my clan deserves- maybe I would be enough to keep my family powerful and Yunah...my precious little sister wouldn't have to be bidded off like an animal.
A sob rips through my throat and I slap my hand over my mouth. How dare I cry? Isn't that just proving everything that my father has said of me?
I stare at myself in the ivory framed bathroom mirror and the man staring back at me is a stranger not the man I have spent my early morning hours training myself to look like.
My usually cold brown eyes glisten with tears of frustration from the crippling helplessness in my chest- suppressed and silenced omega blue threatening to break through. What is wrong with me?
I want to shout out every ounce of agony in my chest, I want to cry without restraint, I want to express the raw pain, but how can I do that when I am Choi Yujun the Alpha son of the superior Choi clan?.
"Hwang Jaehyun!" I shout as I punch the mirror, "Arghhh!" punching the mirror again and again without stopping even as shards of broken glass digs into my skin and draws blood, I don't care- I need the physical pain to silence the inner one.
I shout one more time with every bit of turmoil inside of me, then the bathroom door bust open with three men, betas, in suits rushing into the bathroom to grab my arms and twist them behind my back till my shoulder hurts.
"What are you doing?" I snap, offended at the sudden roughness. "Sir calm down!" one of them says but it only adds to my frustration, "do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?!" I shout.
"Yes, young master Choi, we know who you are" another one of the three men said, "then you have a death wish?!" I growl deeply in my chest- imitating the intimidating growl of an Alpha that I've perfected from years of pretense.
"I will make sure you regret this, all three of you" I spat out with hostility.
"Forgive us sir, we are only doing our job, you are damaging the hotel's property" the first one replies, "Shouldn't we let him go..." The third man mutters with uncertainty.
"Master Hwang said he is mentally unstable" the confident one, the first one whispers to his work partner, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut.
Of course he did.
Of course, on his way out, wearing that cool composure and his charming smile, he spoke of a mentally unstable Choi Yujun.
I want to bite back and deny it but then I catch a glimpse of myself in the shattered mirror and my shoulders drop as I realize, I have made Jaehyun's lie their reality.
I truly look mentally unstable, with messy hair, rumpled suit, wild eyes and bloody knuckles. This is not the Choi Yujun that I have spent years projecting.
I drop my gaze from the mirror, humiliated by the way I am held down like a criminal. Crushed, I take a deep breath to compose myself and smile at the men as best as I can.
"I apologize for making your work difficult. I will leave quietly now" I say to them and they eye me carefully before letting my arms go.
Once free, I rub at my shoulder, I make no complaints about the pain to them as I bow in apology, "I will pay for the damages I caused" I mutter to them, unable to lift my eyes to look at them.
"Yes young master" they say in unison and bow simultaneously. I check myself in the broken mirror, trying to make myself look presentable and sane as best as I can.
There is not much that I can do. Even if my outer appearance can be fixed, my omega is whining and restless inside me- trying to break to the surface and comfort me, this is something that has never happened before.
Pushing my omega down like I have been used to, I plaster the fake look of confidence, gracefulness and power. "Let's go" I say to the men and open the bathroom door for me.
The moment we step out and I lift my eyes from the floor, I see Jaehyun leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face.
"Tonight you work, don't sleep too deep" he says.