'What is the point of living?'
It was a normal day at the end of Spring, the classroom was filled with students whose faces I didn't recognise, even after going to class with them for almost two years.
Every day was about the same. I woke up late and got dressed. Went to school and didn't listen to the teacher. If I was scolded, I looked down to the ground and said I would change.
"Hirone," said the teacher. "You need to think about your future..." something something... "I'll let you off today."
"Yes," I responded, and nodded my head in the least bit of courtesy.
I did not want to be here. But it's not like I had anywhere better to be.
It's like I can close my eyes and ten years will have gone past.
Eventually I will close my eyes for the last time.
I wonder what comes after death...
...
In a week there is a class trip.
The classroom dynamic is not at all unique. There are cliques, and everyone gets along.
But for some reason, I am still an outsider.
Well, it's not like I care.
"As you know, there is a class event on next Thursday." said the teacher. "Now, I've divided everyone into groups..."
We saw the pairings on board, and then instantly, I heard the three classmates who I believed were written next to my name.
"Eh, is he really going with us?"
"It's a class event, it's not like we have a choice. "
"Don't be rude..."
...
They kept on talking, but as soon as they saw I was listening, they went quiet.
I've always been disliked.
It's in my nature.
My nature is to be alone. I've always been obsessed with those kinds of characters. But I know, I know. I still have things to do, I still have life.
But I want something more...
I don't know why.
I wish I was in another world.
I might be a bit delusional currently, as I just finished reading a really long light novel.
But damn it! All those worlds seem so simple and easy. It's just to level up, get stronger, and everything good just instantly happens.
It's not like life is here.
There isn't a mystery here. There isn't a system here. There isn't anything, really.
'Ah,' I thought. 'I want freedom.'
...
After being gloomy for a whole day and not talking to anyone, I went home. I noticed a watching pair of eyes about twice, which is to be noted.
I got home and ate a microwaved meal and got out an old book I borrowed from the library.
"Why?" You might ask.
It's actually a very good answer!
I don't want to stay on earth anymore.
Look, look. I know I'm being delusional when I say that, but it's true.
I think I'm meant for greater things.
Even if I say that I seem really cringe, and even if I say that I am cringe, that doesn't make me any better.
But really.
I think I can do great things.
But I can't do them here.
Whenever I speak out, people scoff. When I start training, or learning something, I feel like I am lost.
I want to be like the characters of novels. I want to be a character!
So, two months ago I started visiting the library, and borrowed old manuscripts about sorcery and witchcraft.
Some were very unpleasant, but they were easy to find. Duh, it doesn't work.
But I have to try.
'In another world,' I kept muttering to myself.
In another world.
...
Late night. I couldn't sleep. I sat by my desk going through the book.
'Huh, if I could study like this, I wouldn't almost be failing every subject...'
I'm real good at obsessing over something.
It's lucky I wasn't picked up by some religious cult, because I'm a real fanatic.
But it's for nothing currently.
So I understand why I'm so bored.
Hours passed indiscriminately.
I looked through everything I could online.
Manifestation. Reality Shifting. Mandela Effect.
Everything that had to do with separate realities.
But for some reason, I shut my laptop and opened the book again.
I checked the clock, and it was 3:39 in the morning.
Fuck, it's late... I know it's a school night. Friday morning....
But still, I opened the book, and then just felt the corner of the book, along the rough pages, and opened a random page in the middle of the book.
The latin was hard to pronounce, but the translation below was easy to understand. The content of it, was indecipherable, on the other hand.
Dead tired I said the lines aloud:
"The Celestial Body is Watching You,"
"The Stars Are Alive and They Are Watching You."
"We are praying to you, O God Almighty"
"The Stars Are Alive and They Are Watching Us."
Witchcraft is a strange subject. It's so much about self and about the world. I think I read in another book, also one I happened to stumble upon, that the first step is ego dissolution. Whatever that means. But now that I was tired, I didn't feel like I was much of an ego.
Ha-ha-ha...
But as I finished saying it, I felt strange.
Like waiting for something... flinching before it happens... a strange premonition...
'Was it going to work?'
Ha... I hope so.
I did not sleep well that night.
Whenever I got close to falling asleep I would wake up suddenly, but it didn't feel like I was falling, it felt like I was being stabbed.
It was like I was being stabbed over and over again.
For some reason I kept on muttering that phrase in latin:
"Stellae Vivunt Et Nos Spectant... Stellae Vivunta... Stellae Vivunt..."
I finally fell asleep, and came to school bitter with bags under my eyes.
...I did not want to be here. The same halls. The same irritatingly happy crowd. Everyone is so god damn sure of themselves... Who they want to be... What they want to do... No one's even doubted if this place is right for them.
I put words in their mouths, but they couldn't do the same to me. They have no idea what I'm thinking. I'm stupid.
It was then that it happened... just after entering the classroom... It was like I had entered hell... Everyone was looking at me, pale faces and glossy eyes... Every single head twisted to look at me... And I did nothing... I stood still...
I wasn't just tired, this was delusional...
But the visions wouldn't stop... Gore filled my vision until I closed my eyes... But even when I closed them, I could see it. Bloodshed, visages of war... Hell... That was all I could see.
"Stellae..." I whispered beneath my breath... Reality seeming to be back to itself again.
"Hirone is muttering something strange," said a soft spoken voice.
"Hm, he's not going to disturb the class today?"
"Probably not, he probably spent too much time wasting away."
...There wasn't a warning.
There wasn't even a sound.
One second there and the next second gone.
All I saw was void.
Humid and cold at the same time...
Emptiness.
...
It felt like I had been buried alive with all my senses intact.
I spent time whirling around in that eternal cage.
Long enough to understand that something wrong had happened.
But in that void never once did I feel calm.
Something was watching me.
Something far in the distance.
...Not anything I could put in words.
"The stars are watching,"
The phrase came to mind.
Who was I praying to?
It seemed much darker, but more incomprehensible an answer.
But I was far too weak to ask it.
Far too meek to find out.
...So I did what anyone else would do.
I begged.
"Help me..."
Then suddenly I was in another place.
...what I would soon understand was another world entirely.