Bones did his best to avoid the fireball of rage that flared in his bosses eyes. He should've thought up some lame ass apology beforehand; of course, he knew playing porn throughout the intercom would set her off... he just didn't care... at the time. However, now that she was standing in front of him, he realized how much of a drag the upcoming conversation would be.
"How are you today?" Bones tried.
"Don't fucking talk to me while you're dick is out, and covered in whipped cream."
He considered that for a moment. "So if my dick was out and it wasn't covered in whipped..."
"Put some fucking clothes on Bones or I swear to god I will fuck you in the ass! And not in a good way."
"I mean.."
He sensed that his life was in danger and just barely had enough time to avoid the pirate sword aimed for his fun bags.
"Point taken captain." He laughed nervously as he picked himself up from off the ground and grabbed his pants from off her table. "Where did you even find a pirate sword?" He mumbled under his breath, sticking one leg inside.
"What was that!?" Lightning struck right next to his foot, and he almost jumped out of his skin.
"I asked, where did you even find a pirate sword!" He cried, deciding not to add, "you crazy bitch!"
The fireball that burned in her eyes shifted to a moon. "Oh." But as quickly as it had turned, it had turned back just as quick. "You will be taking the team on another hunt today, and you will do both this hunts paperwork and the paperwork that you neglected to do the last time.."
Bones was about to argue about how unfair that was and the fact that he was more of an inside slave than an outside one when lightning struck again, and he got the distinct impression that she didn't want him to talk.
".. And you will do so without complaining, or I'll order the fattest, most greasy, prostitute I can find, and I'll make you say three nice things about her body."
"Hey now," Bones threw up his hands in surrender, dropping his half hanging pants to the ground. "I understand that I crossed a line, but I thought we were friends."
Her eyes changed again. A sun with diamond encrusted triangles replaced the fireball of death, and she smiled. "What friend wouldn't exploit her friends hatred of fat people for her own personal gain. Especially when that friend is the biggest tool she knows."
"Hey! You take that back. Vanessa is a way bigger tool than I am!"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm assuming you did this big stunt because you already knew that I had another case for you, which would mean that you already know the details?" He found it weirdly hot that she knew him so well. She noticed his partial, and she made a nasty throaty sound and didn't wait for him to respond.
"Get out of my office. Lose the partial. Do your job.." She emphasized that last part. "And for everyone's sake. Put Some Clothes On!"