Ever since I heard what Carlos said to me, I couldn't get it out of my head:
"If you only keep talking to them because you're afraid of being alone, you'll end up pushing them away anyway."
That sentence echoed in my mind over and over again—like an insistent whisper I couldn't silence.I kept replaying every conversation, every fake smile, every automatic comment I made just to maintain the image of someone sociable and pleasant.Suddenly, everything I thought I was doing "right" felt like a lie—and the truth… hurt.
As I got ready for school, I wondered how I should act today.Should I ignore Carlos?Or should I keep pretending to be cheerful and normal, like everyone expects me to be?I had no idea. My mind was full of doubts, and a knot of anxiety twisted in my stomach at the thought of facing him.
When I walked into the classroom, I saw him from the corner of my eye—Carlos Galván, as calm and composed as always, walking to his seat with that serene expression that always unsettles me.I decided not to approach him. Not today. Today, I would just be "normal."
I sat down and tried to focus on my classmates—their laughter, their chatter.I smiled, laughed when I had to, answered the teacher's questions… and yet, deep inside, I felt empty.Every positive gesture was mechanical, not something I truly felt.
The more I pretended, the more exhausted I became.Every word, every laugh, every reaction took effort."Why can't I feel what they feel? Why does everything I do feel like a mask?" I thought.
During class, I tried to focus, but my mind kept circling back to Carlos's words.I listened to my classmates talk about video games, shows, homework, and weekend plans, but nothing really interested me.Every interaction felt automatic, just a reflection of what I was supposed to do to fit in.
When the bell rang for recess, I felt a momentary relief. I needed to breathe.I walked toward the back courtyard to get away for a while—to escape the constant pressure of pretending.
And that's when I saw him.
Carlos was sitting on a bench, eating with another guy from a different class.The other guy was talking nonstop, full of energy, gesturing wildly as if he'd known Carlos forever.Carlos listened with that calm expression of his, but from time to time, he smiled—small, genuine, effortless.They talked about video games, about how their classes were going, even joked about the time Carlos let him copy his homework and they both got scolded for it.
My chest tightened.It was the first time I'd seen him smile like that.It was real.A genuine connection—something I'd never felt before.
A strange mix of envy and longing welled up inside me.Not a bitter kind of envy, but a deep desire to experience what they had: a real bond.I wanted to feel something like that… and I never had.
The rest of the day passed with my thoughts spiraling.Every conversation I had with my classmates felt emptier, more robotic.I smiled, talked, listened to music—but nothing was real.Everything I did was just part of a routine to avoid rejection.And the more I thought about it, the more it hurt to realize that the mask I wore was keeping me away from the thing I truly wanted—authentic connections.
When the final bell rang, as always, Carlos was one of the last to leave.I sat on a bench facing the door, watching every student leave, waiting for him to appear.
When he finally did, I took a deep breath and stood up.I walked toward him, trying to keep my composure.
"Mafer…" he began, sounding a little nervous. "I wanted to apologize for what I said yesterday… maybe I was too blunt—"
I interrupted him before he could finish."It wasn't rude," I said, my voice trembling. "What you said hurt… but deep down, I know you're right. I don't know how to make real friends. I can't seem to feel the kind of bond that others show so easily."
Carlos listened in silence, as he always did, carefully taking in every word.
"I get it," he finally said. "I didn't mean to hurt you yesterday. I just wanted you to know."
I took a deep breath, gathering my courage."I saw you today with that guy… you two seemed close. And I— I want to have something like that too. I want to learn how to make real friends. Without pretending, without forcing it. Could you… teach me?"
Carlos looked at me for a moment, and then a small smile formed on his face."I don't think that's something you can teach," he said. "But I can help you learn to accept and show your real self to others. The rest will come naturally."
My sad expression softened, and a small, timid smile crossed my lips."Thank you… really," I said.
He smiled back and added, with a lighter tone,"Get ready this weekend. You'll have your first friend by Monday."
My eyes widened in surprise.My mind raced.As he pedaled away on his bike, a spark of excitement lit up inside my chest.
"So… he's going to be…" I thought, my heart pounding fast.A wave of nerves, hope, and fear ran through me.For the first time, I felt that maybe—just maybe—I could change. That I could learn to build something real.
And as I watched him disappear down the street, I knew that this time, I wasn't pretending.This time, my desire to feel and connect… was genuine.