The library was completely different at night. During the day, students and brothers of the church rushed from one room to another while others crowded the desks, studying the many tomes to prepare for the exams.
Now, Matin walked among the seemingly endless bookshelves alone. Thankfully, the place was well lit. The candles of old, replaced by strongly glowing lyth stones. These stones emitted energy and could power a myriad of different things and give off light. A recent discovery that had made study by night much easier.
Occasionally, he would come across a brother on some errand or a wayward student pulling an all-nighter, but for the most part he was alone. As this was the week leading up to exams, the library was a chaotic mess of books and writing materials. The colors of the leather bound books clashed as they lay in unorganized piles on the wooden tables and stone floors.
Once again, he had lost track of time. He had been engrossed in a rhetoric problem involving the construction of waterways through a protected religious site, and before he knew it he was alone in the classroom.
"Really wish I could have talked about it with Sophia," he whispered to himself.
She had a way of seeing things he couldn't. Dean had spoken to him earlier, suggesting that he go find her, but his mother's arrival made such an action dangerous for Sophia.
A lot had happened during the day with his mother's sudden arrival, but it was his brief interaction with Sophia that bothered him most of all. Why wasn't he able to do something as simple as have a conversation with her? All he could to was splutter like a beached fish. If he couldn't speak to a girl, how could he become the great leader he aspired to be?
As he made his way down to the ground floor, he recalled what had happened just after his mother had left the classroom.
*
"That's it. It's over. Say goodbye to your youth, everyone!" Dean said dramatically as the door slammed shut.
After a few choice words with the students, Marianne went to visit Methaeus, the abbot and headmaster of the academy.
Matin, who had been deep in his studies, had been pulled out of his reverie by his mother's appearance and now stood with the rest of his friends around their desks.
"Oh, stop being so dramatic, Dean," Addi said. "But I do feel a little sorry for you, I guess." She finished with a mischievous smile.
"Yeah. It's got nothin' to do with us, does it, Addi?" Maria said with a smile of her own.
Dean, Nicolas and Rosetta all looked slightly paler than usual. Rosetta's eyes were even red and on the verge of tears. Matin wasn't sure how to feel. This was his mother. He felt awful that her mere presence brought about such a reaction in his friends.
"That she-wolf's going to make it her mission to make our lives a living hell." Nicolas said, putting his face in his hands. "It'll be the academy entrance exams all over again."
"What?" Rosetta said, placing her hands over her mouth in shock. "Nick, she stayed at the monastery for two months back then. She even used the cells in the catacombs for…"
Rosetta didn't finish her sentence and simply squeezed her eyes shut.
"She's usually pretty nice and easy to talk to, but when it comes to exams or rather, Matin taking exams, she turns into a true monster." Dean said with a nervous laugh.
"Like a screaming forest wraith." Maria laughed.
Matin did his best to smile pleasantly as the rest of his friends shared a laugh. His mother wasn't at all like one of those mindless creatures that wandered the deep forests of Mount Moore. She just had a lot of problems to deal with, that's all. Looking around the classroom, he felt as if it were too crowded. Too many other students were listening in on their conversation for sure. Was Sophia listening in?
Their faces. Was that scorn, fear or pity written on them? Were they directing their anger at him by any chance? There were just too many people here. He felt trapped and constricted. So as not to make his friends aware of his inner thoughts, he simply continued to smile.
"Come on, guys," Addi said, looking at Matin with concern. "We all know she started sending students to the catacomb cells because Dean had put a lizard down the back of her dress. So if anyone is to blame, surely it's him?"
Dean snorted at the memory but nodded.
"Yeah, sorry. She's your mother after all, shouldn't be talking about her like that." he said.
The polite smile remained on his face, not faltering even once.
"Oh, it's fine." He said, waving his hand. "I can understand where you're coming from. She can be a bit much sometimes."
"That's an understatement." Maria said with a laugh.
Matin laughed along with her. It was the expected reaction after all. He didn't feel at all like laughing.
"It probably is, isn't it?" he said.
Matin cast a glance back at his books and then towards Sophia. She seemed distracted, staring off into space. He wondered how he could ask her to study with him this evening without letting his mother find out.
"Oh, trynna get away from us again, are you?" Maria asked.
"No, I…"
"You were staring at Sophia again!" Rosetta accused. "You need to stop wasting time speak with her Matin. she really looks up to you, you know."
He felt a lump grow in his throat, and he tried to swallow it down. She looked up to him? How was that possible when she was clearly better than him in every way? She was top of the class now, and she never had to put in half the effort he did. He was happy for her. He truly wished her the best.
"I'm sure he wants to do way more than just speak with her," Maria said with a grin.
"Maria, why don't you go flirt with Nicolas?" Dean said, stepping up to defend Matin.
Matin relaxed a little as Dean confronted Maria. Nicolas, upon hearing Dean's words, scowled slightly.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked.
"Oh come, we can all see it, right, Addi?" Dean asked, looking towards her for support.
"Yeah, and it happened so suddenly too. Why don't you tell us more?" Addi asked, her voice uncharacteristically flat.
It appeared to Matin as if she was suspicious about something, but it could have just been his imagination.
"Nothing's happened," Nicolas growled as he glared a hole into Dean and Addi. He didn't notice Maria creeping up behind him.
"Oh, Nick, you're gonna break my heart!" she shouted as she jumped onto his back.
Nicolas let out a squawking noise as the two began what could only be described as some sort of complicated wrestling routine.
Matin laughed. It felt like the first good, genuine laugh he had had all day.
"Sophia really did want to talk to you, though." Dean whispered. "Try to meet her in secret if you can. It'll be good for your studies, trust me."
Matin nodded. Dean clasped him on the shoulder as he turned back towards the group, ready to join in Nicolas' torment.
As the others were distracted, Addi walked up to him and pulled on his sleeve. She was only a year younger than him, but she was still much shorter and had to look up at him as she spoke.
"You should talk to your mother and then get some rest." She suggested, her red eyes filled with concern. "Stress has a way of piling up before you even know it."
Matin's mouth hung open slightly. The words of concern were unexpected. Everybody else had wanted him to speak to Sophia, so Addi's words, suggesting he speak to his mother, seemed odd and had caught him off-guard.
"I'm fine. I'm used to how mother behaves." He replied quietly with a smile he hoped would put her at ease.
"No, you're not fine. You're smiling, but your eyes are full of pain. You can't lie to me, you know."
There was something different about the way Addi was speaking to him now. She sounded weary and was looking right into his eyes. It was as if she was aware of something even he himself wasn't. Full of pain? Surely that was an exaggeration. He felt no different from how he usually did.
They were eventually interrupted by a frazzled-looking Layota who asked them to return to their seats and for Addi to return to the Cathedral. With one last worried look at Matin, she departed from the classroom. After that, their regular studies resumed.
*
Matin continued down the stairs of the library alone. His friends had returned to their dorms hours earlier. He had promised to spend time with Dean and Nicolas, but there was something else he had to do first.
He left the library through its heavy wooden doors. The building had once been a defensive fort, and its architecture reflected that. At night, the doors closed, and he had to open them himself to get out. An endeavor that took a lot more strength than you'd think.
"Oh," Matin said in surprise as he stepped out into the courtyard.
It was snowing. The white flakes were illuminated by the lyth lamps at either end of the stairs leading down from the entrance. The snow was early this year, as autumn had just begun. Hugging his fur cloak closer to his body, he hurried across the white courtyard and towards the student dorms.
Luckily, the snow had not piled up too much yet, and he got inside again with little trouble. His destination was the large room on the second floor, intended for important visitors. Most of the rooms were taken up by students, but the building had once been a guest house and therefore had many types of rooms.
He turned left when he got to the second-floor landing. He didn't have to ask which room she had chosen. It was the same every time she visited and practically belonged to her at this point.
As he stood in front of the door, he hesitated. His fist had frozen just as it was about to knock. Why had he stopped? Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he knocked.
"Matin, dear? Is that you?" came Marianne's voice from within.
"Yes, it's me, Mother," he replied.
"What are you waiting for, dear? Come in."
Doing as he was told, he stepped inside. The room was easily four times the size of a student's room with a canopied bed, two sofas separated by a low table and an ornate desk. There was even an attached washroom. His mother, who had been sitting at the desk, got to her feet and rushed over to embrace him.
"It's great to see you again, darling." She said as she held him close.
Matin struggled to find the breath needed to reply.
"It's good, to see, you, too… mother." He gasped.
She pushed him away slightly and peered into his face, holding his cheeks in her slightly chilly hands.
"Here, let me get a look at you. Have they been feeding you right? I told you to eat fish every day. Have they been offering fish during lunch hours? What about breakfast?"
Matin waited for his mother to get all her questions out, answering each with an affirmative when she gave him the chance.
After a long while, she seemed to relent, allowing him to ask a question of his own.
"What brings you here, Mother? I thought you were busy back home?"
It was harvest season, and that usually meant a busy time for the noble lords as they organised their lands and tenants.
"Oh, I left that to our stewards. I couldn't very well leave the last weeks of your education to those old fools at the church now, could I?"
He wanted to remind her that it was the church's duty to oversee education, but he knew it wouldn't be right to challenge his mother, so he simply smiled and nodded.
"Thank you for looking out for me," he said politely.
"Anything for you, dear." Marianne replied, ruffling his hair. "Methaeus is much too old to have such an important duty. It's clear from what I saw earlier that the academy needs a stronger hand when it comes to leadership. Especially during an important time such as this."
And there it was. That dangerous gleam in his mother's eye that Matin was all too used to.
"Are you going to be taking over again?" He asked quietly.
Marianne closed her eyes in thought for a moment.
"I may not have to go so far this time. However, I will be sitting in on your lectures and study sessions just to ensure everything is going smoothly and that there are no interruptions like today."
"I've been continuing my studies just as you said, mother, there's no need to go out of your way for my sake." He whispered, hoping to placate her.
If he could show her that there were no problems, then she would leave and the peaceful life at the academy would remain as it was.
"Oh, there is surely a need. Any distractions need to be dealt with swiftly. And I know you've been distracted. You're no longer top of your class, are you?"
That last question had been asked in a tone colder than ice. Matin felt a sudden urge to flee the room. He tried to speak in his defense, but no words came. Throwing himself into his studies had resulted in many sleepless nights, clouding his mind and making it difficult to think.
"I've heard about her, you know. This commoner girl in your class. She must be using some underhanded methods to reach the top. That or one of our rivals is seeking to defame us," Marianne said, adopting a look of deep thought.
So she was here because of Sophia. Matin felt himself panic, though he did a good job of hiding it. He didn't want his mother to harm Sophia. That's why he had been studying even harder than usual. If things continued going in this direction, if his mother took over and expelled Sophia, then all his effort would be wasted.
"Not only that, there's Oscar's bastard, Nicolas. That runt has also been nipping at your heels, hasn't he? I wonder what tricks Oscar's been pulling to get that fool so high up the rankings."
If this continued, his mother could end up confronting Oscar himself, the man who ruled the empire with fear and military might. All for an exam. He had to say something. He had to get better and study more, or else everything would fall apart around him.
"It's ok Mother, there's another mock exam tomorrow. I'll get the highest marks, I promise. Then you won't have to trouble yourself.
Marianne looked at him with those sharp eyes of hers.
"Well, that goes without saying, my dear. I'll just be keeping an eye on things for a while. There's no need to be concerned about me. Looking after you is no trouble at all."
Matin's smile faltered for just a moment. He needed to go back and study. Or maybe he could talk to Sophia about it and warn her? He felt like a horde of ghouls were charging towards him, and there was a ball and chain around his ankle.
"Now come dear. It's been two weeks since I got your last letter. Tell your mother all that's happened. Has Dean been well?" She asked as she made her way to the sofa.
Matin followed her, resigning himself to another lengthy conversation. He wouldn't be able to return until she was satisfied after all.
An hour later, Matin half walked, half stumbled from the room. He felt utterly exhausted as he made his way down the corridor. He had one more place to go tonight before he could get back to studying. It would have been far smarter to return to his room and sleep, but he knew that wasn't going to happen, regardless. His mind was a racing mess, and focus or relaxation were out of the question.
It was almost ten o' clock when he knocked on the door to Dean's room. He heard voices from within, followed by the door opening.
"You're late." Dean said.
"Sorry," Matin replied, scratching the back of his head and smiling apologetically. "Mother wanted to talk to me for a little longer than I expected."
Dean shrugged as he stepped aside, letting Matin into his room. It was much smaller than the room Marianne was staying in, with a single bed and simple wooden desk. There was a large shelf full of books and a collection of wines and spirits resting on the desk. Nicolas sat on the chair next to the desk, snacking on some grapes.
"Knew she'd be keeping you a bit, surprised she let you go at all, actually," Dean laughed.
Matin took a seat on the bed and caught a grape Nicolas tossed towards him.
"I Got the liquid version too." Dean said, holding up a bottle of wine. "There's lots to discuss at today's meeting."
"You're just using it as an excuse to drink the wine." Nicolas muttered.
"Hey, that wine is my way of saying sorry for ruining all your notes. The grapes too, actually," Dean said, finishing his sentence in a low mumble.
"My notes were worth five bottles at the very least," Nicolas muttered, taking the bottle from Dean and pouring some into three glasses that had been placed on the desk.
"I now proclaim the start of this weeks men's only meeting!" Dean declared loudly as he raised his glass.
Matin hid his slight embarrassment at Dean's dramatics while Nicolas openly cringed. They never could get used to Dean's energy even after a decade of having known each other. However, despite the worn-out theatrics, Matin was thankful. He doubted he could hold a long conversation with Nicolas without Dean there. It wasn't that they disliked each other, only that they were both the quieter kind of person and had different interests. Matin took a sip of his wine and savored the warm, fruity taste.
"We were going to discuss plans for after the tests today, but it looks like something even more urgent has come up," Dean said, taking a seat on his bed next to Matin.
"Marianne's come back to the academy," Nicolas added, his voice grave.
"We all knew there was a chance of this happening. That there might be a repeat of the entrance examinations," Dean said, looking apologetically at Matin.
Matin responded by giving Dean what he hoped was an understanding smile. His old friend understood that Matin might feel uncomfortable given the topic. While that was true, Matin also understood the necessity of talking about it. His mother was just that much of a force of nature. Both Rosetta and Dean had particularly awful memories of the last time his mother had interfered in their education, and this time the stakes were much higher.
"You told her that everything was going fine and that she doesn't need to interfere?" Nicolas asked.
"I did, but she says she's going to stay and keep an eye on things anyway," Matin replied.
Dean nodded calmly.
"These are the final exams after all. It's probably got her in a complete tizzy. Let me guess, she's blaming Sophia?"
Matin nodded, feeling a lump in his throat at the mention of her name. Memories of their interaction earlier today came unbidden to his mind.
"Marianne's going to take her down one way or another if Matin can't retake top spot," Nicolas said, cutting straight to the issue in his usual dry voice.
Dean cast him a disapproving look, but Nicolas just shrugged.
"What about Oscar?" Dean asked Nicolas. "Has he said anything to you?"
Nicolas took a large drink of wine, taking his time answering.
"He just told me to get a score that a Durin would be proud of, whatever that means," he muttered. "Hasn't said a thing to me since."
"Sounds like Oscar. We can assume he won't interfere like Marianne will," Dean said. "He is the emperor after all. I'm sure he's got a lot on his plate."
Matin looked at Nicolas, who seemed neither happy nor angry about the fact. He wondered what it would be like to be in his shoes, having a parent that didn't care enough. Surprisingly, part of him longed for it; to have the freedom Nicolas seemed to dislike. He knew that was crass, though. His mother cared for him deeply, and he had to appreciate that. He was lucky to be so loved.
"Matin can just warn Sophia about what'll happen if this continues and convince her to score less on purpose," Nicolas suggested. "All this will go away if she just scores below him in the exams. It's not that big a deal."
Matin felt his stomach tighten as Nicolas spoke. Memories of what Sophia had once said to him echoed in his mind.
"I can help them. Finally, pay them back for all they've done for me and with my own effort. Will you help me? I-I'm sorry for the rudeness, your lordship!"
He could still recall the hope and joy in her voice even as it dissolved into panic after addressing him so casually. They hadn't known each other as well back then as they did now.
"I want to try to convince mother before we do something like that," Matin said quickly.
How could he just turn around and tell her to leave everything behind just because his mother wasn't happy? He didn't have the right to do that.
"The only way she's gonna be convinced is if you can score highest on the mock exams. Can you really do that?" Nicolas asked coldly.
"I have to try. If I can, that will solve everything, and Sophia won't have to give up on the exams."
There had to be a way they could both participate to the best of their abilities. If he couldn't manage that, then what hope had he of ever becoming someone worthy of his mother's dream?
"You know things could get dangerous for her if you can't change your mother's mind, right?" Dean asked.
Matin nodded. He knew that better than anyone. Even so, he didn't want to tell her to give up after having worked so hard over the last several years.
"Well, if anyone can convince Marianne, you can," Dean agreed, putting a hand on Matin's shoulder.
Dean was already on his second glass of wine. Matin had barely touched his. Being reminded of the glass in front of him, he picked it up and drained its contents in one go.
Both Dean and Nicolas' eyes widened as they watched.
"Never seen him drink like that," Nicolas said in surprise.
Matin smiled back.
"Sorry, guess it's just one of those days," he breathed.
"Look," Dean said, leaning forward with a concerned look. "No matter what Marianne tries, you gotta stand up for yourself. You're a man grown now, and she can't dictate what you do anymore. You're smart, so play every trick in the book to get her to back off."
Matin knew Dean was trying to be supportive, so he nodded his thanks.
"Don't be stupid, Dean," Nicolas said. "It's different when you're the first or only son. We don't have the freedom to just say no like you do."
"Is it really that difficult for you lot?" Dean asked, surprised as he poured himself his third glass.
Nicolas turned to Matin. Did he really have to look at people as if he were glaring at them all the time?
"Whatever Marianne decides, just humor her. Aggravating her, like Dean suggests, will only make things worse. I say you just obediently do what she says. She'll be gone after the exams are done, anyway."
"Woah, hold on. This is a good chance for him to break out of her clutches, to stand up for himself for once!" Dean argued.
"If he does that, things will only get harder for the other students," Nicolas countered.
"If he doesn't fight her now, she'll be hanging over him for the next fifty years. Mark my words, women like her live well into their nineties."
And so his friends began to argue back and forth. This was not an unusual occurrence. Dean could be very confrontational, and wine usually loosened Nicolas' tight tongue. Matin naturally fell into the mediator role when this happened. However, this time the topic concerned him directly, and he felt a rare urge to interrupt.
"Hey!"
They both turned to him as he shouted. Matin instantly felt regret for having spoken up, but with both pairs of eyes staring at him, he swallowed and spoke.
"I…I can deal with it. Nobody understands mother better than I do. I'll make sure to keep her happy. All I gotta do is score well on the next mock exam, right?"
It was such a simple solution, though one that would be difficult to reach. No matter, all he had to do was try harder and study more. He could sleep when it was all over.
Both his friends looked at him with complicated expressions. This wasn't what either of them wanted exactly, but this was his problem, and he would solve it his way. After a moment, Dean laughed.
"That's it! You sort this out in your own way and take your life into your own hands!" Dean said as he raised his glass once again.
"It'll be tough going in that direction," Nicolas added quietly. "But if that's what you want."
Matin looked at them both and felt a surge of relief. On the rare occasions he could make a decision, they always supported him.
"Now, with that all decided, let's change the topic," Dean said, rounding on Nicolas. "Care to tell us what's going on with Maria?"
Nicolas immediately tried to make himself smaller as Dean looked at him with a wide smile.
"Knew this was coming." he muttered. "Whatever's going on in my life can't be half as interesting as having the Priestess herself fawning over you," Nicolas countered, putting Dean on the defensive.
Dean frowned.
"Who Addi? You're going on about that again?"
"Yeah, haven't you noticed how she agrees with everything you say and how she looks at you? How long are you gonna keep stringing her along?"
Dean shook his head.
"No, no. She's just my apprentice. We just look that close because we've known each other for so long. Besides, she's the priestess, the leader of the damn church. I-"
Dean, for once, had a complicated look on his face and remained relatively silent. Finally, he took a deep breath and continued.
"She has her sacred duties to perform, and I can't get in the way of that. Matin, you know what I mean, don't you?"
Matin felt a little relieved at the more lighthearted topic.
"I don't know, Dean. She's always looked up to you so much. Maybe it's time you gave her the time of day instead of chasing skirts in the capital?"
Dean took a deep breath as Matin finished. It was rare for him to be on the back foot, but as Nicolas and Matin knew; if there was one way to do that, it was to bring Addi up in conversation.
"Problem is, we've known each other for a long time. I mean, it's been over ten years, for Goddess' sake. It's just easier with girls I don't know. At least with them, it's simple. I know where I stand with them. With her, it's just-"
Dean was now well into his ups, and he was starting to blubber. He shouldn't have been drinking like this just before the exams. Matin considered telling him to stop.
"You don't know whether to treat her like friend, family or a lover. You two really are a mess," Nicolas snickered.
"Yeah, I know," Dean said with an unusual smile. He took yet another large mouthful of wine.
"Dean, I think you should take it easy. The exams are coming up, you know," Matin warned.
"Yeah, you're right." Dean said, putting down the drink before turning to Nicolas.
"So about Maria?" he asked.
Nicolas' eyes sharpened, clearly annoyed that Dean had brought her up again.
"You'll have to put a few more glasses into me if you want any answers, and I don't lack self-control like you do."
Dean reached out his hand and grabbed the bottle, a knowing smile on his face. Matin could only sigh as he watched his two friends resume their head-butting. It was going to be a long night. Well, that was alright too. Being with them and just talking casually had a way of calming his mind, if only slightly.
By the time Matin returned to his room, it was well past midnight. He switched on the lyth lights in his room and looked around. His room was tidy in all places except for the desk, which was cluttered with books, quills and loose pieces of paper. Unlike Dean's or Nicolas' rooms, there were no personal touches. Anything that was not needed for education or daily life was absent. Only textbooks and daily necessities.
He gazed longingly at his bed and yearned for rest, but he knew that was not an option. He had spent too much time with Dean and Nicolas already, and he had to get to work. Not for his own sake. He didn't really care about himself all that much. All that mattered to him was making sure everyone else was happy. That's what it meant to be his mother's son.