The news of my "research date" with Aiwa hits our apartment with the force of a tactical nuclear strike. I make the rookie mistake of mentioning it to Rina, thinking that framing it as a "nerdy research outing" will make it sound harmless.
I am wrong.
"A DATE?!" she shrieks, her voice echoing through the apartment. "You are going on a date with her?! Alone?!"
"It is not a date!" I insist. "It is a platonic, research-oriented excursion to a themed cafe!"
"That is what they all say!" she wails dramatically. "First it is a 'research excursion,' then it is 'sharing a romantic parfait,' and the next thing you know, you are married and have forgotten all about your poor, lonely little sister!"
My mistake is compounded when Kenji, who I had to tell about the plan, lets it slip to Haruka. The next thing I know, my "research date" has become the primary topic of an emergency meeting of the "Grand Alliance."
"This cannot be allowed to proceed unsupervised," Haruka declares, her tone that of a general planning a counter-insurgency. "Matsuki is an unknown variable. Her motives are unclear. After a week of ignoring him, this sudden invitation is clearly a calculated maneuver. Letting her get Rui-kun alone is a strategic error."
"She is right!" Rina agrees vehemently, conveniently forgetting that Haruka is a girl. "He is too pure! Too naive! She will bewitch him with her shy, purple-haired ways!"
And so, "Operation: Sabotage the Date" is born.
The 'Starlight Paladin' collaboration cafe is a paradise of nerdy, nostalgic joy. The walls are covered in concept art from the show, the speakers are playing the soundtrack, and the menu is full of themed dishes like "Princess Astra's Starlight Parfait" and "The Dark Knight's Black Curry."
Aiwa and I are actually having a nice time. The atmosphere is so overwhelmingly nerdy that some of the awkwardness between us begins to melt away. We are just two fans, geeking out over the details.
"They even got the pattern on the coasters right," I say, admiring the hero's crest.
"The parfait is the exact same color as Astra's dress," Aiwa adds, her eyes sparkling with a genuine, happy light.
She seems to be working up the courage to ask me something important. I can see it in the way she keeps fidgeting with her pendant. This is it. This is the moment.
And then, the sabotage begins.
From behind a ridiculously large potted plant in the corner of the cafe, a familiar voice booms, "WAITER! MORE 'POTIONS OF HEALING' FOR MY COMRADES AND I!" It is Kenji, wearing a fake mustache and sunglasses, sitting with Miki and Hana, who are both trying to become invisible by sinking into their menus.
Aiwa and I both jump, startled. We pretend not to see them.
A moment later, a waitress "accidentally" trips near our table, sending a tray of water glasses crashing to the floor with a deafening noise. The waitress is wearing a ridiculous, oversized hat and sunglasses. It is Haruka.
"My sincerest apologies!" she says in a high-pitched, fake voice, before shooting Rina, who is hiding behind a newspaper at another table, a triumphant look.
The date is a complete and utter disaster. Every time Aiwa seems about to ask her important question, a new, "accidental" interruption occurs. Kenji starts a loud, one-man 'Starlight Paladin' trivia contest with the entire cafe. Rina, in a different disguise, "mistakes" me for an old friend and launches into a long, boring story about her pet hamster. Haruka "accidentally" spills a salt shaker on our table, creating a superstitious crisis.
Miki and Hana just sit at their table, their faces buried in their hands, radiating waves of pure, second-hand embarrassment for all of humanity.
The constant interruptions completely derail any chance of a serious conversation. The date ends not with a revelation, but with a shared, profound sense of exhaustion and frustration.