Cafe Blue is a quiet, comfortable place with plush chairs and the soothing aroma of coffee beans. It is the perfect, neutral ground for what I am about to attempt. I arrive first, securing a large booth in the back, and order a black coffee, needing the caffeine to fortify my nerves.
Miki and Hana arrive together, their expressions a mixture of concern and pity. They know the full, unadulterated truth of the situation, and they look at me like a man who is already a ghost. Kenji arrives last, bouncing with his usual clueless energy.
"So! What's the emergency?" he asks, sliding into the booth next to me. "Did Rina-chan finally confess her undying love and you freaked out?" He laughs, completely oblivious.
Miki and Hana both wince, a shared, painful expression crossing their faces. I just sigh and rub my temples.
"It's worse, Kenji," I say. "She's not talking to me. At all. It's been almost two weeks of total silence. She's going to photosynthesize from sheer lack of human interaction if this keeps up. I need to fix it, but I have no idea how."
I proceed to explain the current state of the Great Sibling Cold War. I leave out the crucial, identity-related details, of course. For Kenji's benefit, the story is simple: Rina saw me getting harassed by a girl I don't like (Haruka), she misinterpreted the situation, and now she's giving me the silent treatment out of a misplaced sense of sibling jealousy.
Kenji, a man of profound wisdom, nods sagely. "Ah, I see. A classic tsundere pout. You just have to break through her shell, man. A grand gesture! That's what you need. Buy her flowers! Write her a poem! Serenade her outside her window!"
"I am not serenading my sister, Kenji," I say, my voice flat. "That is the creepiest thing I have ever heard."
Miki and Hana are exchanging a long, silent look over the tops of their menus. I can see the gears turning in their heads. They know the full, complicated truth. They know this is not a simple "tsundere pout." This is a crisis of existential, forbidden love.
Finally, Miki puts her menu down with a decisive thud. She looks at Hana, who gives a slight, hesitant nod. Miki pushes her glasses up her nose and looks at Kenji, her expression dead serious.
"Kenji-kun," she says, her voice low and grave. "We cannot help Rui-kun properly unless you understand the full scope of the situation. There is something you need to know. Something very, very important."
Kenji leans forward, his eyes wide with excitement. "Is it a secret? I love secrets!"
"This is not a fun secret," Hana adds, her voice a nervous whisper. "This is like, a life-altering, brain-melting secret."
"Lay it on me!" Kenji says, practically vibrating with anticipation.
Miki takes a deep breath. She looks at me, a silent apology in her eyes. "Rui-kun, I am sorry, but this is necessary." She turns back to Kenji. "Okay. You are a huge fan of the cosplayer Ectiqa, correct?"
"A fan?" Kenji scoffs. "I am a devotee! A disciple at the altar of her divine talent! She is my goddess!"
"Right," Miki says, her expression pained. "Well… Rina is Ectiqa."
The silence that follows is absolute. The cheerful background music of the cafe seems to fade away. The clinking of cups and spoons ceases. The entire world seems to hold its breath, waiting for Kenji's brain to process the information.
He just stares at Miki, a blank, uncomprehending look on his face. Then, his eyes slowly drift to me. They then drift to the empty space beside him, as if imagining Rina sitting there. Then his eyes glaze over.
"Ke- Kenji?" I ask, waving a hand in front of his face. "You still with us?"
He makes a small, gurgling sound, like a dial-up modem trying to connect to the internet for the first time. His face goes through a series of rapid, spastic transformations: shock, disbelief, denial, a brief moment of what looks like religious ecstasy, and then finally, a complete and total system crash. His eyes roll back in his head, and he slumps sideways, his head hitting my shoulder with a dull thud. He has fainted.
"Oh my god, we broke him," Hana whispers, horrified.
It takes us two full minutes of shaking him and patting his cheeks to bring him back to consciousness. He sits up with a gasp, his eyes wild.
"My whole life is a lie," he whispers, clutching his head. "Rina-chan… the girl who steals your fries… is Ectiqa-sama, the goddess who rules my heart?" He looks at me, a new, terrifying light of awe in his eyes. "And you… you are her brother? You live with a deity?"
"Okay, let's not get carried away," I say, trying to calm him down.
But it is too late. The fanboy has reasserted control, but now it has a new, terrifying focus. He turns to me, his expression deadly serious. He grabs both of my hands, his own trembling with the force of his emotion.
"Rui," he says, his voice thick with a solemn vow. "My best friend. My brother. I am formally asking for your sister's hand in marriage."
"WHAT?!" I yell, trying to pull my hands away.
"I am not worthy, I know this," he continues, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "But I will dedicate my life to her! I will carry her props! I will brush her wigs! I will be the most devoted husband a cosplay goddess could ever ask for! Please, give me your blessing!"
"I am not giving you my blessing, you lunatic!" I shout, finally yanking my hands free. "She is my sister! And she is mad at me!"
"Right! The mission!" Miki says, clapping her hands to get our attention. "Focus, both of you!" She glares at Kenji. "No marriage proposals until after we solve the current crisis." She turns to me. "And you. Kenji-kun is a buffoon, but his core idea is not wrong. You need a grand gesture. An apology so profound, so thoughtful, that she cannot possibly ignore it."
"A grand gesture?" I ask, feeling hopeless. "Like what?"
Hana, who has been silent through most of the chaos, finally speaks up. "It cannot be just anything, Rui-senpai," she says, her voice full of a quiet wisdom. "It has to be something that speaks to both sides of her. It has to be an apology from her brother… and from her knight."
A plan begins to form, a desperate, multi-pronged assault on the fortress of my sister's anger. It is ridiculous. It is over-the-top. And it is my only hope.