i opened my notes app and started writing.
~
It's hard. Harder than I ever admit. To stay silent.
I've always wanted to be there for him. Just there—no expectations, no labels.
But he already has people he loves, and maybe that makes my love look smaller.
And still, every time I see 11:11 on the clock, I make a wish for him.
Sometimes for his happiness, sometimes for his peace, sometimes for his success.
And sometimes, selfishly, for myself—but even that wish includes him.
Yet, believe me when I say this:
I never wished for him to be mine.
Never.
All I've ever wanted is for us to be okay—for him to smile, for us to stay good friends, for me to still mean something to him, even if it's small.
Because sometimes, loving someone means knowing when not to ask for more.
Maybe this all sounds dramatic, or poetic, or both.
But it's real. I'm not exaggerating anything.
The things I've written for him—they don't include those three words everyone uses so easily.
Because I think those three words will never be enough.
Not for what I feel.
It's me, Lizzie.
2:45 a.m.
19th August.
Writing for someone who has no idea how much space he takes up in my heart.
Someone who's just… amazing as he is.
Not perfect for everyone—but perfect for me. Absofuckinglutely.
Imagine the person you love sitting right in front of you—smiling, laughing, just breathing—and you can't look away.
That's how it was for me.
Whenever he talked, wrote, smiled—God, I had to remind myself to breathe.
I used to hide my stupid smiles, whisper under my breath, Oh no, not again. How can he be this beautiful?
He probably never noticed, but I did. Every tiny thing.
The way he walked. The way he talked.
The way he ran a hand through his hair, only for it to fall back perfectly into place, right over his eyes.
And every single time, I swear my heart stopped.
There's one moment I'll never forget.
We were talking, and he flipped his hair the way he always does—effortlessly.
And for a second, I just… stared.
Because nothing, absolutely nothing, had ever looked more captivating.
I remember biting back a smile, whispering focus, Lizzie, focus, while every part of me screamed otherwise.
Because in that one second, I didn't just see him.
I felt everything I'd ever tried to hide.
~
i closed my notes app and slept at 3 am.