When I gained consciousness I realised that I am indeed what they call fracked — I was a bioengineered raging wall of green muscle. Yep, I'm an Ork from 40k, and if what I'm looking at is correct we are in the warp and I hear the fighting from here. As I hear it, my heart thumps faster and faster.
Let me tell you: falling from a wall is not all that it's made out to be in those fanfics. Moving on — I've realised I've grown to about 6'6" (2 metres) tall. Now, disregarding that, I've got a load of schematics in my head, so yeah — I'm guessing I'm a Mek boi, which means I'm going to make everything else in this galaxy suffer with me. Not out of some emo retribution, just 'cause. I can already feel my Ork 'ed bouncing up and down at the idea.
And with that, I think it's time I get some Boyz on this space hulk.
Timeskip — 4 months.
Sooo yeah, turns out we are heading to Armageddon — you know the one, the biggest producers of chimeras in the Imperium, with hundreds of mechanised divisions, the Steel Legion, and the man, the myth, the legend himself: Commissar Sebastian Yarrick. So yeah, I've been up to some shit. When I look around I see my massive workshop where I've made a little bit of order in this hull of chaos — ha. But no, I've got under me 65 thousand Boyz with all types of specialists. I've of course taken all the Mek Boyz and made them work on my projects, like the thing I'm wearing, for example. It's a mishmash of different parts from Imperial and Eldar tech and pure orky ingenuity.
I've made it so that I can comfortably go against a company of Space Marines. But that's not all — I've been training. Yes, I've been hitting the gym, thanks so much for noticing. But all seriousness: because of the way the WAAAGH works, my Boyz believe it, and thus I've been getting improvements. Now I'm a towering beast of metal and power. I've also fixed my hunch: early on I found some grots and made them pull a rope around my neck till it clicked, and boom — I'm no longer a hunchback.
But that's not all. I've made a training inducer that makes any ork who goes through it get better at fighting. It's basically making it so that the orks under my command can listen to complex orders. I've already tested it in a massive fight for a piece of Necron tech — a doomsday cannon — which I've fashioned onto my Mega Gargant. So, now let's move onto that: it's the biggest Gargant in the whole space hulk, so much that it's attracted its own Mek bois to maintain it, and of course they submitted to me. It's got so much dakka; its main weapon is a giant laser that takes parts of the doomsday cannon to rip atoms apart. I've made an atomic laser that is almost self-sustaining.
And the coup de grâce — it's got an anti-orbital platform where I've made it so even something as strong as a Battle Barge can and will be wiped out if it comes anywhere near me. It's also got giant driller vehicles on its back that are thrown and land into the ground, disgorging massive stores of orks and vehicles. It's gonna break open a hive city as soon as we get to Armageddon. Not just that — all my Boyz are in full armour, got scopes and nobs under me. As we are now, we can probably hold a hive city.
And to make things even worse for the Imperials, I've gotten my hands on a Tech-Priest's corpse. I've cut him up into a brain-in-a-jar that's constantly disrupting comms, and with the amplifier I've made from screaming grots, it's gonna be a bad time. But yeah — time to land, as this little monologue of mine has done me 'ed in.
"ALL RIGHT YA GROTS, IT'S TIME FOR SOME DAKKA AND WE IS GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM ZOGGING HUMIES! YOU GET THAT, YOU WASTE OF TEEF?" I bellow, and I see the whole camp lighting up as they grab their gear. They shout back, "FOR DA BOSS! FOR DA WAAAGGHHHH!"
We are suddenly in realspace where the hulk is coming in fast. I explode parts with other orks on them to make it look like we all died, but the parts have rokkit boosters that will shift them toward Imperial hive cities. We are headed to Hive Volcanus.