(Present Time)
A ragged sigh escaped my lips, the throbbing in my head, a constant reminder of the accident, threatening to split open with the sheer force of my thoughts. I shifted in my chair, trying to find a position that offered some semblance of comfort, when my phone buzzed insistently on the desk. It was Carl.
"Yeah?" I answered, my voice tight, bracing myself for whatever news he had to share.
"He's back," Carl's voice was low, almost a whisper, a thread of caution woven into his tone. I straightened, my muscles tensing, then leaned back against the cool leather of my chair, the silence stretching between us.
"And he's with someone," the words resonated in my mind, a cold dread settling in my stomach, a premonition of the pain to come. "What do you mean?" I pressed, my throat suddenly dry, the question barely audible. A beat of silence stretched between us before he finally spoke, the weight of his words palpable.
"Akeshia is back."
The words hit me with the force of a physical blow, stealing the air from my lungs, leaving me gasping for breath. She's back? My heart hammered against my ribs, a frantic drumbeat against the sudden, suffocating silence.
Without conscious thought, my feet were moving, carrying me out of the office, a desperate urgency overriding all reason. I practically sprinted to my car, the engine roaring to life as I peeled out of the parking lot, the city lights blurring into streaks of color as I sped through the streets. I didn't care about the speed, about the risks. I needed to see her.
I arrived at my parents' house, my heart pounding in my chest, spotting Carl by the gate, his expression a mixture of concern and apprehension. I slammed the car door shut and strode towards him, stopping abruptly just a few feet away.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked, his voice low, his eyes searching mine for an answer I didn't have. I couldn't speak, couldn't articulate the chaotic jumble of emotions swirling within me.
As if on cue, the gate swung open, and she emerged—the woman I had secretly yearned for, the woman whose memory had haunted me for four long, agonizing years. Akeshia. She was truly here, standing before me, a tangible presence after years of existing only in my dreams. She had changed, subtly, almost imperceptibly, her figure even more slender, her curves more pronounced, her face more refined, highlighting the captivating allure of her almond-shaped eyes. I missed her. God, I really did.
Her eyes widened in surprise, then her face lit up with a radiant smile, and she rushed towards me, throwing her arms around me in a joyful, crushing embrace. I closed my eyes, inhaling her familiar scent, the scent of sunshine and jasmine, a scent that had been etched into my memory for years. I missed this. I missed this kind of hug from her, the warmth, the comfort, the sense of belonging. From my first love.
"I missed you so much, baby L!" she whispered, her voice a familiar melody that tugged at the deepest corners of my heart.
I pulled away, feigning annoyance at the old nickname, a weak attempt to mask the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. "Akeshia, I'm not a kid anymore, so stop calling me that, Ae," I chided, forcing a playful tone, but she only laughed, a sound that resonated deep within me, a bittersweet echo of happier times. "Whatever! I really missed you. Come on inside, Asher's probably missed you too." The casual mention of my older brother's name instantly deflated my excitement, a familiar pang of resentment twisting in my gut, a sharp reminder of the reality that separated us.
Carl went in first, his shoulders slumped slightly, followed by Akeshia and me, the space between us a chasm of unspoken emotions. Seeing her again, walking beside her, brought a flood of memories rushing back, vivid and bittersweet, a constant reminder of what could have been. Our memories. We headed towards the garden, where my mother greeted us with open arms, her face beaming with joy.
"Glad you're here, son. Your brother really missed you," she said after I kissed her hand in greeting, her words a gentle reminder of my familial obligations. I forced a smile, the effort feeling strained, unnatural, a mask that concealed the turmoil within.
"Oh, look who's here! My favorite baby brother. No hug for your Kuya, L?" Asher's booming voice cut through the air, his easy charm a stark contrast to the turmoil churning within me. He opened his arms wide, inviting an embrace, his smile radiating genuine warmth. I walked towards him, but instead of returning the hug, I simply took his hand and gave it a brief, perfunctory shake. "Good to see you too, Kuya," I replied, my voice carefully neutral, devoid of any genuine emotion.
He gestured towards the table, laden with food and drinks, inviting us to join them for a celebratory meal. They had set up a small gathering in the garden, a picture of domestic bliss that only served to amplify my own sense of isolation. But my attention was solely on Akeshia. I watched her discreetly from the swing, where I had settled, pretending to rest, my gaze drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She was laughing, her eyes sparkling with joy, and it made my heart ache with a bittersweet longing, a painful reminder of what I could never have. I missed her smile, her scent, her laugh, the way she used to look at me, the way she made me feel. I missed everything about her.
"L, stop it," Carl said, his voice low, breaking through my reverie. He suddenly appeared beside me, carrying a glass of orange juice, his expression a mixture of concern and understanding. He sat on the adjacent swing, his presence a silent offering of support. "Oh, right, the company called. They said the applicants arrived. They're asking for you. Are you going back?" he asked, his voice carefully casual, giving me an easy out. I stood up, my gaze still fixed on Akeshia, my heart torn between duty and desire. "Maybe," I replied, then walked towards her, drawn by an invisible force.
"Are you going back?" she asked, her voice soft, her eyes searching mine. I forced a smile, trying to project an image of lightness, of nonchalance, a desperate attempt to conceal the emotions that threatened to consume me. "Would you want me to?" I teased, tilting my head playfully, trying to gauge her reaction. "Oh... stop being so cute," she laughed, playfully pushing my arm, her touch sending a jolt of electricity through my veins. Even now, after all these years, she still saw me as the child she had once cared for, not a man, not a potential lover. I was about to say something, to try and break through that ingrained perception, to confess the feelings I had harbored for so long, when Asher arrived, his presence a solid wall between us.
"Oh, are you leaving already, L?" he asked, turning his attention to me, his easy smile unwavering. "We just reunited, and you're already abandoning me?" he chuckled, his words laced with playful reproach.
"He's right. Why don't you stay a little longer?" Akeshia pleaded, her voice soft, her eyes filled with a gentle persuasion that I couldn't resist. I sighed, a silent battle raging within me, my heart warring with my head. "Fine," I conceded, my voice barely audible, the word heavy with unspoken emotions.
The world shifted on its axis the moment I saw Asher's hand casually rest on Akeshia's waist, a possessive gesture that sent a sharp pang of jealousy through me. They were smiling, their eyes locked in a silent conversation of love and shared intimacy, and I couldn't deny the searing pain that ripped through me, the bitter realization that I was an outsider, a spectator in their happiness. Yes, I loved Akeshia. She was my first love, the woman who had captured my heart and soul, but her heart belonged to someone else. She chose to marry my brother.
A few minutes later, my mother called us all to the table, her voice ringing with excitement. She stood at the head, beaming with an almost unbearable joy, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. Then, Asher and Akeshia stood up beside her, their hands clasped together, their smiles radiant, their love a tangible force that filled the air.
"Should I tell them?" Akeshia whispered to Asher, her voice loud enough for us all to hear, a playful anticipation dancing in her eyes. She giggled, playfully nudging him, her touch a casual intimacy that sent a fresh wave of pain through me. "Go on," she urged, her eyes shining with happiness.
"Umm... I know our family is already quite large, but I don't think it would hurt to add one more," Asher announced, his voice filled with pride and joy, his smile widening as he looked at Akeshia.
His words hit me with the force of a physical blow, stealing my breath, leaving me reeling. I knew exactly what he meant, the unspoken truth hanging in the air like a heavy shroud.
"You're pregnant?" Carl blurted out, his voice filled with surprise, turning to look at me, his eyes filled with an unspoken sympathy that I couldn't bear to meet. I watched Akeshia's smile grow even wider as she squeezed Asher's hand, her eyes shining with a joy that felt like a dagger twisting in my heart. "Yes," she confirmed, her voice filled with a happiness that felt like a personal betrayal, as if she were deliberately trying to inflict pain.
Their happiness was almost unbearable, their faces radiant with joy, their love a beacon that illuminated my own loneliness. Everyone rushed to congratulate Asher and Akeshia, their words of praise and celebration a constant reminder of what I could never have. I stood there, smiling, but silent, my heart breaking into a million pieces, my soul aching with a pain that was almost unbearable. So utterly silent that I knew, deep down, I was breaking, crumbling from the inside out. I should be used to this pain by now. They were getting married next month, that's why they came home, but I hadn't expected this.
And it was fucking hurting me. The pain was too much to bear, a weight that threatened to crush me. I had to leave, to escape the suffocating joy, to find some semblance of solace in the darkness.
"I have to go. My secretary just called; she needs me at the office," I lied, the words tasting like ash in my mouth, the excuse flimsy and transparent. "Aren't you staying for dinner?" my mother asked, her smile faltering, her eyes searching mine with concern. I forced a smile, trying to project an image of normalcy, of control. "I'm sorry, Mom, maybe next time," I replied, then turned my gaze to Asher and Akeshia, their hands still clasped together, their faces glowing with happiness. "Anyway, congratulations to both of you," I said, my voice surprisingly steady, devoid of any emotion, before turning my back and walking away, desperate to escape the suffocating atmosphere of their joy.
The car door slammed shut behind me, and I floored the accelerator, not towards the office, but away. My own feet, or perhaps my broken heart, seemed to guide me to a bar not far from my parents' house.
"Locan, long time no see. What brings you to my humble establishment today?" The bartender, a co-owner and an old high school friend, recognized me instantly. We used to meet here often, a sanctuary from the relentless demands of my life, but my schedule had kept me away for too long.
"Do I even need to ask?" he said, his smile knowing, sympathetic.
"As usual," I managed, the words barely a whisper, and he understood immediately. He rose, clapped a hand on my back, a silent gesture of comfort, and a moment later, placed my usual drink before me. "I heard they're getting married next month," he began, settling onto the stool beside me at the counter.
"Yeah," I muttered, and without hesitation, I drained the glass in one burning gulp.
"I've told you before, Francis," he said, his voice gentle but firm. "You need to find someone else. Your brother's fiancée isn't the woman you should be dreaming of."
"But I met her first," I choked out, the words raw and ragged. "I loved her first. I was the one who held her hand, who comforted her when Asher made her cry. I was the one always there." And just like that, my vision blurred, the world dissolving into a watery haze as tears, hot and stinging, finally spilled down my cheeks.
"But you weren't the one she needed," he countered, his voice softening slightly. "You weren't the one she wanted. You weren't the one she was looking for. You know what, Locan, just move on. Don't worry, I know plenty of women; I'll set you up," he added with a sympathetic wink, trying to inject some levity into the crushing weight of his words.
"Nah... never mind," I mumbled, quickly swiping at the tears, a futile attempt to reclaim some dignity.
"Here," he said, pushing another glass across the counter. "Forgetting."
This drink, perhaps, would offer a temporary reprieve, a fleeting moment of oblivion from the searing pain. But I knew, with a crushing certainty, that when the morning came, the heartache would return, as raw and agonizing as ever.