The video continued to play.
A cheerful little tune drifted through the speakers.
Zhongli—no, Zhonglii—was running full tilt through Dadaupa Gorge, wreaking havoc left and right.
"Heh, heh, ha!"
He twirled his long spear, laughing brightly as he pounded the local hilichurls into the ground.
"Hey, bouncy bombs~~!"
Zhonglii laughed out loud, folding his arms as a colossal meteor fell from the heavens.
BOOOOOOM—!!
A giant mushroom cloud rose into the sky; slimes, hilichurls, and Ruin Guards alike were all turned to molten stone.
"This time I went with the non-fishing-nerf power-boosted version. Wiped every single one of you! Hee-hee!"
Giggling, Zhonglii dashed from Starfell Lake all the way to Dawn Winery, his long legs taking nimble little steps, unstoppable and unbothered.
But just as he was about to strut back into Mondstadt—
A graceful knightly figure stepped into his path.
"Lili, you do know the consequences, don't you?"
Acting Grand Master Jean stood there, hands on her hips, brows furrowed, her beautiful face a mask of stern disapproval.
The cheerful music screeched to a halt…
[Kaeya]: Isn't that the Acting Grand Master? She's been dragged into this too? Hahaha.
[Amber]: Pfft! This is too funny! Hahaha— bangs desk
[Albedo]: He's definitely about to get locked in the little dark room.
[Lisa]: Jean really is strict. rests cheek on hand
[Klee]: Yeah, yeah! Jean's super scary! Every time she catches me, she locks me up for ages. I'm in the little dark room right now making bombs! (sad.jpg)
[Jean]: Sigh… so tired…facepalm
[Xingqiu]: In the little dark room… making bombs?!
[Kuki Shinobu]: I still think you are scarier, Klee.
[Razor]: She. Is. Very. Scary.
[Hu Tao]: Too funny! Zhongli getting grounded? Hahaha!
[Chongyun]: My head's spinning… those close-up shots keep replaying in my mind. My Dao heart is wavering!
[Thoma]: Yeah, it's too cursed. Why put such a cute face and voice on a man's body? facepalm.jpg
[Bennett]: It's not just weird—it's outrageous!
[Tighnari]: Uh-oh, feels like cardiac arrest incoming…
[Dori]: Heart trouble is an illness, needs treatment! I've got some heart-and-kidney tonics, old customers get a 20% discount—silk stockings included~ smiling
[Eula]: Thanks. I've been struck. This grudge is recorded! @The Mishearing Maniac
The footage went on.
Zhonglii was now locked up in solitary.
The clock hands spun, and days went by in a flash…
Click.
The door opened. Zhonglii flashed a V-sign at the camera, grinning like the sun:
"Yay—!!"
He bolted out of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, dashed across the Dawn Winery bridge, and startled an entire flock of Timmie's pigeons.
"Hee-hee, da-da-da~~~"
Zhonglii laughed happily, arms outstretched, prancing away in tiny rebellious steps.
"Alrighty! Full power, poi~~!!"
Wherever he went, things exploded—slimes, hilichurls, and Ruin Guards were blasted to bits.
Windrise, Starfell Lake, Whispering Woods, Falcon Coast, Guili Plains…
The camera followed Zhonglii as he strolled casually.
Behind him: chaos, explosions, monsters fleeing in terror.
A perfect portrait of swagger.
A perfect portrait of a carefree wanderer.
A perfect portrait of a real man who never looks back at explosions.
In the final scene, Zhonglii minced his old-man steps into Liyue Harbor.
His back slowly receded into the crowd at Chihu Rock…
The screen faded to black.
Then his voice came over the speakers, inviting the viewers:
"Next time, come blow up fish with Zhonglii!"
Video end.
[La Signora]: Pfft… can't hold it in. You win, @The Mishearing Maniac.
[Childe]: Mr. Zhongli, this is too tragic! Hahaha…
[Paimon]: Three seconds of silence for this stranger named Zhongli… pfft! covers mouth
[Arataki Itto]: Hahaha, you're killing me! You're really doing it! @The Mishearing Maniac
[Xingqiu]: This video's got creativity. I've got some ideas now—though my eyes still burn.
[Chongyun]: I have to go into seclusion now, or my Dao heart won't hold…
[Keqing]: Pfft! No, no, can't laugh. Still have work to do… pfft! Hahaha… clutches stomach
[Yelan]: Was sleepy before my mission tonight. Now I'm wide awake. Thanks a lot, stranger! @The Mishearing Maniac
[Thoma]: Outrageous. Absolutely outrageous! Hahaha…
[Kamisato Ayaka]: This fan video is… a test of the eyes. bitter smile
[Sangonomiya Kokomi]: My energy is gone again… sigh
[Kujou Sara]: Thank goodness it was a little loli's face swapped in, not the Shogun's. breathes out
[Lisa]: Finally over. Felt longer than a day at the Akademiya listening to the Grand Sage lecture. exhales
[Albedo]: Agreed. More torturous than Alice… facepalm
[Kaeya]: Haha, but I rather liked it. props chin on hand, smirks
[Eula]: Just don't drag me into this. If you do, I'll go after him like Mona did! grips weapon
[Barbara]: Couldn't agree more… sigh
Back at Xinyue Kiosk, Zhongli could hardly eat his meal.
Even during the Archon War, even during the battles with Azhdaha—he'd never been this exhausted.
He could feel his erosion worsening!
The other Adepti felt the same way.
Speechless. Vomiting blood. Furious beyond words…
They could all sense the terror of "fan-made content."
If they ever found the mastermind behind it, nothing else mattered—Xiao, at least, would absolutely go for the kill first!
Meanwhile, the public chatroom of the Seven Nations was just as chaotic:
[Goodwin]: My eyes! My eyes! I'm going blind like Glory!
[Ruhavi]: Fish: "You're amazing, you're noble."
[Ekaterina]: Haha, so Zhongli got run out of Mondstadt and fled to Liyue?
[Rocky]: Liyue: "Stay away from us!"
[Dongsheng]: This video is way too freakin' cursed!
[Bolai]: Ouch, my old back—almost snapped from laughing!
[Anxi]: That close-up of Zhonglii smiling at me just scarred me for life!
[Tarik]: Same. Never want to see that face again!
[Tide]: I'm blind. How am I supposed to pick up girls now?!
[Kurisu]: I can't imagine what mental state the The Mishearing Maniac was in making this video!
[Chang the Ninth]: This is pure underworld stuff! Is this the true weight of the Wangsheng Parlor's Consultant?!
[Uesugi]: Both Wangsheng and the Knights of Favonius have gone silent!
[Zheping]: What did I do to deserve seeing this video?
[Serius]: Everyone knows "fan works" kill us twice over!
[Tiantiezui]: Too cursed. Someone let Azhdaha kill him!
[Asfard]: Thanks to supermod The Mishearing Maniac for creating a fan video that ruined my dinner!
[Dina Zedai]: Feels like my illness just got worse… sigh.
[Dehya]: Miss, please take care of yourself!
…
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