The night sky was oddly bright, stars twinkling against the pitch black backdrop, defiant in the face of the expanse threatening to swallow their light.
The array must have truly distorted my perception of time, it hadn't felt like hours had passed but apparently reality proved different.
Hah.
I laid there on the ground, sprawled out, too emotionally drained to even move, but in all fairness it was not like I had anywhere to be. I could afford to stare at the sky.
The gem laden sky, littered with jewels, that twinkled oh so bright.
I could lay here forever, far away from the problems that plagued me, far away from the decisions that I would have to make.
If only I could just rise, rise up into that sky and forget it all, becoming one of the celestials, the bodies of Heaven.
I let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding all this time and came back to the present.
Bliss was oh so short lived.
And that made it so very addicting.
But I still got up anyway.
I had to move on.
I dusted my rags off, doing my best to make myself somewhat presentable as I moved towards the stairs, climbing down one at a time. When I reached the bottom I was greeted by the sight of Outer Disciples mingling amongst the dim torch light, eating, drinking, laughing the stresses of the day's training away. Some red faced boys running off after being rejected by their female counterparts, others a bit more successful in their attempts to flirt.
It was all so calm, so peaceful, so normal.
It felt cozy.
It felt right.
And I felt out of place.
A stranger.
So I left.
I walked away slowly, following the winding path until I reached the infirmary. I approached the door, the window near it revealing Tang Wei and her son Tang Lou's forms standing side by side in front of a table. She washed bandages while he wrung them out, leaving them out to dry, a gentle smile one would never associate with a man of his nature spread on his lips.
It was an intimate moment.
Knock knock knock
I rapped politely on the door, waiting to be let in. She opened up, her eyes lighting up as she saw me, ushering me inside.
"There you are dear, I was so worried when you disappeared. Tang Lou told me you and Little Lan were playing near the library but no one could find you there. Where on earth had you gone?"
"My apologies auntie…"
She let out a small gasp and gave me a mock slap on the arm.
"How old do you think I am young man, calling me auntie? Call me Miss Wei."
"My apologies aun…Miss Wei. I was inside the library and I suppose I must have lost track of time."
My statement brought a look of puzzlement on both mother and son's faces.
"Inside the library?" Tang Lou asked.
"How is that possible? None of us can even figure out how to open the door."
Huh?
"What do you mean?"
"The doors are locked with some kind of puzzle that no one but my father knows how to solve, are you sure that you didn't just get lost somewhere?"
"I'm pretty sure I went inside," I said, getting slightly frustrated by his dismissive tone.
"And I'm telling you that just isn't possible, you must be lying to try and impress us."
"Tch, Tang Lou, how many times have I told you not to be rude to others, yes the poor boy has been through a lot, he probably got a little confused, no need to call him a liar," scolded his mother.
"And I'm telling you both that I went inside," I hissed, thoroughly incensed by now, "I even met Elder Lin."
This silenced both of them.
"Dear," Tang Wei said, her tone different, almost…deadly.
"How do you know that name?"
"Elder Lin?"
"Yes dear, please start explaining."
The hairs on my neck raised, goosebumps breaking out on my skin. Her eyes had narrowed, the gentle smile on her face a thing of the past. Even Tang Lou, standing beside her looked taken aback at her change in demeanor.
"I'm telling you Miss Wei, I went inside the library, went through this confusion array, and met this man who called himself Elder Lin, we had a conversation and eventually I found myself outside. That's it."
I stared into her eyes, watching her every movement, her every twitch, like a prey caught in the cross stares of an apex predator.
I needed her to believe me, if for no other reason than for my own safety.
Eventually she let her shoulders drop slightly and softened my gaze. I let out a sigh of relief knowing that I was probably in the clear although most likely not off the hook yet.
"I believe you might be telling the truth dear. I don't exactly know what or how what happened but since Elder Lin let you out, I think we can safely say you're a good apple."
Finally some good news.
But who was this Elder, the knowledge of whose existence could draw out such a response? Tang Lou didn't take his eyes off of me even once throughout this entire process, he watched me like a hawk, curious, observing.
Wondering.
I would do anything to know what was running around in that head of his.
Tang Wei turned around and picked up a set of cerulean robes that had been laying on the bed behind her. She handed them to me and snapped her fingers at Tang Lou to get his attention.
"Lou, darling, would you please show little Nei where he will be staying? I think he would appreciate some rest."
She politely scrunched up her nose, reminding me of the horrendous stench that came off my person, the accumulation of days of filth.
"And most likely a relaxing bath as well."
Tang Lou sighed and trudged out the door, waving his hand at me, bidding me to follow him. I did just that as we cut across the courtyard, crossing the river to eventually reach the row of huts we had passed a few times earlier. He stopped in front of one, pulling a wooden plaque out from under his robes and tapped it on the door.
The door popped open, a locking array of some sorts, revealing a modest room, simple and clean, the walls a light amberish shade. A small bed was laid in one corner, a desk leaning against the opposite wall under a large window and an empty shelf stood beside it, perfect for me to store my belongings.
Not that I had any.
Tang Lou tossed me the wooden plaque, which I had to juggle a few times to stop it from fumbling through my fingers, and let out a deep sigh.
"The plaque is your identification mark, anyone can use it to confirm your identity as a Clan member. It also opens the door to your room and stores any contribution points. Contribution points can be earned completing missions posted on the mission board outside the disciple mess hall and then traded in for a variety of resources." he droned in a bored robotic voice, the speech evidently well rehearsed.
Wait, identity as a clan member?
"When did I become a Tang Clan member?" I exclaimed in surprise.
This caused him to let out an even more defeated sigh.
"Against my advice, father decided that since he had been given custody of you then you technically belonged to the Tang clan and thus deemed it appropriate to take responsibility for your life and make you a member of our clan. Unfortunately, and much to my dismay, I will also have to abide by this decision."
The veiled insult rolled off me as I realised the gravity of his words.
I was a Tang Clan member?
I was not part of the Lei Clan anymore?
I was free?
The realization hit me like a brick, the rest of Tang Lou's sermon felt like a fever dream , my head numb as I tried to process the revelation. I stood there robotically, letting him guide me to the back of the hut where a small outhouse contained a small tub.
He then left, his job complete.
I stared at it blankly, hot water pouring out of some sort of metal pipe.
I stripped off my rags, climbing into the tiny tub, knees pressed against my chest.
My cuts stung.
But the hot water felt good, dust, blood and grime falling off my body just like the hot salty tears that fell off my cheeks.
I was free.
The word burned through my throat like sunlight. My body didn't believe it, but my heart did.
And so I sobbed that night.
It was the first time in years that I had cried.
But it wouldn't be the last.
Unbeknownst to me just a distance ahead stood Tang Lou, paused in his place, listening to my wails. A complicated expression flashed across his face before he walked off.
I don't know when exactly I crawled into bed and dozed off but I must have because I woke up to the sun shining on my face, disturbing an otherwise peaceful sleep.
I threw off the bed covers, and sat up on the bed, a deep yawn running through my body.
Today was going to be a brand new day.
I felt unstoppable.
You know what, maybe, just maybe I could try something out. I got off the bed and sat cross legged on the floor, slowing my breathing down. I took a deep breath in and exhaled, repeating the motion in a slow rhythm.
I relaxed my mind, letting myself go loose, trying to feel Qi in the air like I used to be able to once. I soon captured a strand on the elusive energy, its concentration here much higher than I was used to, I pulled it through my skin, through every layer of muscle and fascia, guiding it into my meridians trying to eventually reach…
Nothing.
Where my dantian was supposed to be, there was still an empty void.
A reminder of its broken state.
Of my weakness.
I was not unstoppable.
I was still the same as before.
Knock Knock Knock.
A loud bang on my door jolted me out of self indulgent stupor. I opened the door only to be greeted by a tiny bush of red hair under my nose. I looked down and smiled, Tang Lan standing before me, a small pout on her face.
"Hey mister stranger, you're late for training."
I looked at her puzzled.
"Training? No one told me about any training."
"Big bro Lou should have told you about it, it started under the Fireoak tree ten minutes ago."
Ah shit, I was going to be late on my very first day.