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"Huh? Why are there so many kelp here?" Ethan frowned in curiosity at the huge pile of kelp sitting by Saitama's front door.
"Uh, haha, well, the supermarket had a sale. Yeah. That's why I bought so much kelp!" Saitama scratched his head and laughed, but he looked a bit guilty no matter how he smiled.
"A supermarket sale? You don't often see kelp on discount — you got lucky, Saitama!"
"Of course. Haha, haha!"
The door squeaked open and Genos walked in. He frowned at the room full of kelp. "Teacher Saitama, the idea that eating kelp makes hair grow is false. Even if you ate every bit of that kelp, you still would not grow hair."
"…Shut up! I'm bald. So what if I'm going to be bald forever!"
At the table Ethan and Genos were eating rice with fish. Saitama, meanwhile, was chomping away at a whole basin of kelp.
"Is kelp so hard to eat? You've been gnawing at one strip forever. Don't force yourself just for the hair," Ethan teased with a grin.
"Shut up! It's because this kelp is super chewy. No matter how I bite it, I can't break it down!"
"You two won't even try some?"
"No way. Absolutely not!"
Ethan tossed a stone and smashed a nearby monster. Saitama kept hunting for jobs.
"Look, Saitama! All you have to do is take the tasks I've been telling you about every week. You don't need to run around all the time." Ethan leaned back and let the sunlight wash over him. He felt relaxed.
"Shut up! The stuff you sent me to do was garbage! You jerk!" Saitama shouted at Ethan.
"Gurgle…"
"Oh no, my stomach! I gotta find a bathroom, now!" Saitama clutched his belly and rushed off, quickly diving into the nearest restroom.
"Speaking of bathrooms, actually my stomach feels a bit off too," Ethan mumbled.
…
A little while later Ethan came back looking refreshed. "Man, that felt good."
"I-I-I still need to—hold on! Damn it, it must be the kelp. The kelp was bad…"
"Bad? No way. Even discounted stuff at the supermarket doesn't usually go bad."
"That wasn't kelp from a supermarket. I ran into a kelp monster and pulled this kelp off it!"
Ethan was speechless.
"No wonder your stomach acted up. You don't just eat things plucked off monsters. Ah—there's no paper. Saitama, toss me some toilet paper!"
"Haha, Ethan, your luck's awful. No paper in the bathroom. Hahaha… oh wait, I don't have any either…"
"Damn it! No paper? What do we do?" Saitama screamed in despair.
"Maybe wait a bit. Someone might come by and help," Ethan suggested.
"Yeah, that's all we can do…"
Ten minutes passed… fifteen minutes… half an hour… an hour…
"Nobody's coming in."
"This place is kind of out of the way."
"…So what should we do now?"
"I do have a few sheets on me…"
"Really? Hurry, hand them over!"
"They're sandpaper."
"Sandpaper?"
"It's what I use when I draw comics, to wear down my pencils."
"Saitama, here's some sandpaper," Ethan said, handing it through to the bathroom.
"I—I don't think I can use that!" Saitama's face twitched when he saw the sandpaper.
"Suit yourself. Don't expect me to bring you paper after I leave."
"Don't be that cruel. You're not actually going to make me use sandpaper, are you?"
"What choice do we have?"
Rustle, rustle.
Saitama heard the friction and sweat beaded on his shiny head. He steeled himself and braced for it.
"If Ethan could use it, why can't I?" Saitama gritted his teeth and went for it.
A while later Saitama shuffled out of the bathroom, legs clamped tight together. He took tiny, careful steps and leaned on the wall for support.
"Huh? Ethan! You didn't actually use sandpaper?" Saitama emerged and found Ethan still fussing in the other bathroom. Ethan hadn't come out yet.
"Wait, Saitama—did you just rub the grit off the sandpaper first?" Saitama blurted.
"Yeah. I rubbed the grit off the sandpaper…"
Saitama froze. He realized sandpaper actually could have the gritty stuff removed. He'd just forgotten.
"But thinking about it, sandpaper probably wasn't the best idea. Oh right, I forgot I have my phone. I can call Genos and have him bring toilet paper."
Beep, beep, beep. "Genos? It's Ethan. Please bring a roll of toilet paper. Thanks!"
Saitama's eyes bulged and he twitched all over. "Damn you, Ethan. I'll kill you!"
He lunged at Ethan to teach him a lesson, but as soon as he moved, his face changed and he collapsed to the floor in pain.
"..."
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