I initially thought that in my state—neither ghost nor human—I wouldn't be able to approach such a sacred place.
I had even imagined it might be like in TV shows, where a golden light would repel me.
In fact, cinematic depictions aren't always true.
I stepped onto the stairs with bare feet.
Each step was covered in heavy snow. My long skirt fluttered in the wind, though I felt no cold.
No force prevented me from ascending the mountain. Like Lu Shiyan, I knelt down.
I didn't know if deities truly existed in this world, or if they could hear the delusions and obsessions of mortals like us.
The previous two times, my prayers were for others. This time, I wanted to pray for myself.
I lifted my skirt, performing the three kneelings and nine prostrations, utterly devout.
By midnight, a thick layer of frost had formed on Lu Shiyan's face.
White icicles clung to his hair and eyelashes.
The driver repeatedly urged Lu Shiyan to turn back, warning that continuing like this would cost him at least half his life, if not all.
Lu Shiyan didn't listen to the driver at all. He lowered his head and whispered, "So it's this cold? How did she endure it then?"
There is no true empathy in this world unless someone has tasted the bitterness you've tasted and walked the paths you've walked.
But with different experiences and lives, how many people can actually do that?
So, those who talk without feeling the pain, those who advise you to reconcile with suffering from a god-like perspective, are either foolish or malicious.
Only by making him experience your pain will he understand the true meaning of the word 'empathy'.
Lu Shiyan once scorned that protective talisman. Now, with every kneel, he understands the weight carried by that thin piece of paper.
Just like all the hope and delusion in his heart at this moment.
"May my wife be safe and well."
"May my wife be at peace."
"May my wife return."
But alas, belated affection is cheaper than grass.
Lu Shiyan, I cannot accept your sincerity.
I perform the three kneelings and nine prostrations, only to beg for a next life for myself.
I don't know if it was due to the protection of gods or Buddhas, but before dawn, Lu Shiyan actually managed to climb to the mountain top, braving the wind and snow.
As he stepped onto the final stair, his body fell heavily.
Under the streetlights in front of Ling Mountain Temple, snowflakes danced.
He struggled to open his eyes, and my image reflected in his pupils.
"Wan Wan! You're back? I knew you would come back."
Suddenly, strength surged in his body, and he lunged towards me.
But to him, I was like a beam of light—visible but untouchable.
His body, which had just managed to rise, passed directly through me and crashed heavily onto the ground again, splattering snow in all directions.
Lu Shiyan, still unwilling to give up, reached out, trying to grab my foot.
His fingers passed through my ankle. I didn't even look back, lifting my leg to walk towards the main hall.
"President Lu!" The driver hurried forward, wanting to help him up.
Lu Shiyan grabbed the driver's icy cold hand. Though cold, it was tangibly real, unlike the air he had just touched.
With an expression of excitement and exhilaration, he pointed towards my retreating figure. "Did you see? It's Wan Wan! I told you Wan Wan was fine! Wan Wan is back! She's there, right there! I almost caught her just now!"
The driver looked at Lu Shiyan with pity in his eyes.
Rightly so. In others' eyes, Lu Shiyan seemed almost insane—so consumed by missing his wife, coupled with the cold and hunger, that he was hallucinating.
"President Lu, let's go into the temple to warm up first. Your body is almost frozen stiff."
Lu Shiyan pushed him away. "I need to find Wan Wan."
But unfortunately, he had exhausted all his strength and could barely walk.
"Help me, quickly! Otherwise, Wan Wan will leave again!"
"President Lu, please don't be like this." The driver was clearly frightened by his state, afraid something might happen to Lu Shiyan.
All his emotions were now focused on me; he couldn't listen to anyone else.
I walked into the main hall. Surprisingly, someone was sitting inside so late at night.
I recognized him; the world called him Master Mingjing.
He was the one who gave me the protective talismans the previous two times. The last time I sought a talisman for Grandma, it was autumn, and the weather wasn't this cold then.
Because my body was too weak after the miscarriage, I fainted halfway up the mountain.
I woke up in a meditation room and met this master. He solemnly handed me the protective talisman and told me that no matter what, I should not let this talisman leave my person, as it could help avert one disaster.
I nodded respectfully and thanked him. Before the wedding, I prepared it and sent it via express delivery for Grandma to keep.
At that time, I thought, if it could protect Grandma for a few more years, that would be good.
Now, thinking back, the master probably saw then that I was a person destined to die, and intended for me to keep the talisman for myself.
Perhaps it was all predestined. My death was meant to be.
He tapped the wooden fish, chanting Sanskrit Buddhist verses I couldn't understand.
I walked to the cushion in front of the main hall and knelt down.
Gazing at the immense and solemn statue of the deity, a thousand emotions surged within me.
The previous two times I came, my prayers were for others.
I never expected that the first time I prayed for myself would be under such circumstances.
Oh, exalted deities! If you can hear my voice, I only beg for one chance to start over.
I ask myself, in my lifetime, I have never committed a single heinous act. My unborn child and I should not have met such an end.
I am unwilling! Why do good people die young, while villains enjoy life without remorse?!
If you can give me one more chance, I am willing to pay any price.
Even eternal damnation, even falling into the abyss, even never seeing sunlight again.
As long as I get one chance to take revenge on my enemies, I can lose everything!
As I prayed, the sound of the wooden fish beside me grew increasingly rapid.
Like beans falling into a container, dong, dong, dong, falling urgently.
"Ai…"
A soft sigh escaped from the master's lips. I turned my head and saw the master had opened his eyes at some point.
The moment our eyes met, I felt as if I had been seen through.
Could he see me?
However, I soon realized the person he was looking at wasn't me. He spoke again: "Mr. Lu, why must you torment yourself like this? Excessive obsession leads to demonic possession."
Mr. Lu?
I turned around and discovered that three thousand eternal lamps were lit in the side hall behind me.
Who lit so many lamps?
I followed the eternal lamps and, amidst that magnificent sea of lights, saw a person.
He sat in a wheelchair, countless flames dancing around him.
I was greatly shocked. Uncle? Why is he here?
Unable to suppress the confusion in my heart, I walked towards him step by step.
With each step closer, a nameless wind blew over, making my skirt sway along with the candlelight.
I stopped before him, quietly gazing at that peerlessly handsome yet sorrow-filled face.
Lu Yanchen. This man was completely different from what I had imagined.
Suddenly, his eyes lit up, focusing intently on me as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. His voice trembled as he said, "You... you've come back..."