I were sitting in that dark spot, so comfortable that i don't wanted to leave. And to my surprise it was already dawn. Sun started to peeking up, and i understood mom gonna woke up soon. So i rushed through my room and fallen asleep fast. Because of my insomnia from the day of me being here this body health started to becoming worse. A lots of disease started to show up. Maybe that's good for me. As fast i will die, i will be free from here.
I woke up at noon as always, and staying home nothing to do. Because, i am already graduated but couldn't be able to pass the entrance exam. The state of me don't dare to take study pressure too. Few friends from my high school started to knocking me for hang out and school reunion parties as well. But I barely made friends and foes for meet up. Though few of them still cherished me after ignoring them hard but they kept insisted until i blocked them. All i just stayed with them for friends in benefit. And that's good for this firmament too, because this family barely allowed to keep friends and go out with them let alone dating someone.
It's already been three years, i were stayed in this environment. Day by day living here seemed so tough. The memory and everyday's new dreams and visions kept unlocking like i am in a quest.
My behavior and personality changed so instant that peoples kept asking and started to gossiping about me.
I started to wore black as my own style, ignoring peoples like dust, straightforward to them whom i can't bear a second and being rude to everyone. And the sudden boyish act in this girl's appearance made them more curious.
The little sister started to doubting about my less interests in food and all being that weird. She also started to kept saying that, "you don't seems like you belong here and you're completely different from my sister. You are not my sister."
She started to pouting and suddenly burst into cry while saying, "you are not my sister. Give me my sister back."
I was so stunned to reply and it was like i caught up of guard. And a guilt feeling started to spinning my head,
Sure i got no right to be act as my own, even its hard to hold. Still I can at least be good to them who even care a penny about me.
The thought of taking this life by myself popped up countless time but somehow my soul didn't let me do that upon my dignity. Because whenever i tried something stupid i imagined him and got the hope of finding him. I kept wishing and comforting myself by saying that sure i have a pure pleasure in this life. Maybe that's why god sent me here and even if it's a punishment for me still I can't punish this innocent body and the human while i am not the owner.
I also thought of leaving this home too. Once i left too, and stayed at one of my friend home but for being a girl her family called my family to pick me up the next day. Though i still wanted to leave everything behind and wanted to start a new life for living until death. Where the mom is already in too much pain for that dad here, and this family is pretty toxic also messed up. But at a time also loving that it also kept stopping my thoughts of disappearing and cut the ties.
I then left the room in silence. Because honestly i got no word for comforting her. It's my fault that i completely changed in all by myself.
After that day I started to talk with the mom and kept make jokes about that father with her, to make her mood to change enough. And also started to being free with those kids too. Though that sister is kind of selfish and the brother is way too much brat. All barking like dog enough, but its better to living with a act of being happy and satisfied. Even I started to being surprise myself, by controlling my emotions and acting all chill and okay with them. Though that sister was pretty cunning to understand the acting's sometime but i kept ignoring her for not laying low.
Another year passed like that and a clear observation of mine started to show up. And that was a feeling of someone keep staying with me, like whenever i go to that dark room something always stays with me, comforting me and making the atmosphere freezing like i barely want to come back to my room. Everyone at home started to saying they feels chilly weather here while it's pretty comfortable here claimed by me.
Suddenly it also kept noticed that someone's staring at me and more offensively those visions also stopped coming forward. Until one day i dreamt about me in that room standing in the dark, and someone like similar appearance of him. Kept calling me in that room and kept saying "Here I am."
With a shocking shiver i woke up and waited for night. Like restless. Then when the night came, i stayed that room for freaking whole time, but unexpectedly that day felt different than other nights, so empty and hot. Then when it's already midnight and I was about to leave, i felt someone was holding me for a while and i am hearing a closest pound of heart. I was unable to react or move also my tears started to came up unexpectedly that even I was so stunned.
I cried after a lot of months that day and straight for hours until its dawn. My eyes becomes barely swollen but that day it was also hard for me to look up and eyelifts felt so heavy.
It's seemed like he was there. Right in front of me, staring at me. My beloved partner my soulmate.
It's him, Xiao Lin.
But I know its sure a Mirage.