"I'd say croquettes qualify as a type of nabe meal," Kamijou Touma explained to Index who was walking next to him.
They had left the sukiyaki restaurant, split away from the rest of his classmates, and were headed back to the dorm. They had stopped by a convenience store, so they weren't with the guys who lived in the same dorm building (And he didn't want anyone to find out Index lived with him, so they had needed a time delay).
"See, it's the most delicious when you put a cassette stove on the table, put an oil-filled pot on that, and put the ingredients in the oil with breadcrumbs already on them. It can take a while to cook, but you can fill that time by eating other food until the croquettes are finished frying."
"But doesn't any food taste better right when it's made?"
"Well, yeah, but…"
"Ah!? Then food is the best if I eat it all while you're making it right in front of me!? Wh-what a discovery!!"
"Screw that!! You would deprive me of getting even a single bite of that delicious food!?"
Kamijou gave the same excellent objection anyone would, but Index and the calico cat did nothing but sulk and mew.
Kamijou was casually counterattacking by saying he didn't feel much like cooking so they would only have frozen food for breakfast the next day when he saw a taxi stopped on the road they were heading along. Its yellow blinker was flashing, the back door was open, and the upper body of a woman who looked college-aged was sticking out onto the ground.
A middle-aged man who appeared to be the driver was arguing with the woman who was partially sprawled on the ground.
"I told you not to open the door and get out like that!"
"What'd you saaay!? Are you challenging the All-Japan Half-Open Door Alliance!"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you're the only member of that whatever alliance, so quit talking about it and please get back in your seat."
"That's it… Now I'm not getting back in no matter what. Heh hehhh…"
This conversation where both sides seemed to be talking about completely different things reached Kamijou's ears.
(Wow. What a horrible customer!!)
Kamijou seriously began thinking about going down a different street.
It wasn't the conversation that woman was enjoying; she was the kind of person that enjoyed having people look after her. If he got wrapped up in dealing with her, he would definitely continue getting wrapped up in trouble until she sobered up in the morning.
Since Kamijou was indelibly stained by misfortune already, he was the last person who should deal with someone like that.
"Hm?" The drunk woman said as she turned her head towards him.
Her lower body was still inside the taxi and her upper body was still on the ground.
"Ahh ahh ahhhh! It's Kamijou-kun! It's Kamijou-kun!!"
Kamijou shoulders gave a large jump.
(Why does she know my name!?)
Kamijou looked at the drunk again and realized it was Misaka Misuzu who he had met during the Daihaseisai. She was the mother of Mikoto, that electrified middle school girl.
"…Well, I guess this is about right for someone in her family."
That was a rude thing to say, but, when Misuzu heard it, a relaxed smile appeared on her face.
"The earth sure has a lot of gravity, doesn't iiit?"
"Hah?"
"Misuzu-san doesn't need anything ellllse. I'll just go to sleep here. Nighty niiiight."
That was followed by what really sounded like the breathing of someone asleep, so Kamijou was unsure if he should wake her or not.
But then Misuzu's eyes suddenly opened.
"Oh, no. I haven't done my stretches or taken off my makeup! Dammit. All this work I have to do to keep my skin healthy. I am a mother of a child after all!! Ugh, I'm gonna vomit!"
Kamijou swore to himself that he would never let Mikoto drink any alcohol.
It was against the law for minors to drink anyway.
Meanwhile, the taxi driver was looking towards Kamijou with sparkling eyes as if to say "I-I'm saved! Someone who knows this drunk has shown up!!".
Also, Misuzu seemed to have changed her target from the driver to Kamijou and tried to get up while having her lower body inside the back of the taxi and her upper body sticking out onto the road.
"Oof, oof. I-I can't get uuup…"
It seemed she couldn't get up, but she was adding in a lot of unnecessary motion so she looked like a seal in an aquarium.
Kamijou didn't want to approach her, but he couldn't just leave her, so he carelessly approached. That was when Misuzu grabbed onto him with all her might.
"Yaaaay!! I got a young guuuuy!!"
"Gwooooaaah!?"
If it had just been a hug, his heart would have been throbbing, but it seemed Misuzu didn't slack off on exercising because a creaking noise started coming from the area of his backbone.
"Why was Misuzu-chan wandering around so laaate? Bwaaah…"
"Gwaah! You reek!?"
"Huuhh? You don't find a mother who stinks of alcohol and has drunk eyes sexyyy?"
"None of those were positive traits!! H-help me, Index!!"
Kamijou called for help, but Index was staring at him with cold eyes and showed no sign of trying to help him. The cat in her arms must not have liked the smell of alcohol because it was struggling trying to get away.
Misuzu stared vacantly at Index.
"Heeey, who's she? Introduction pleeease."
"H-hmph. I see no reason to tell someone like you my name."
"What was thaaat!? If you don't introduce yourself, I'm gonna stick my fingers up this guy's noooose!!"
"Wah wah!! Index! I'm Index!!"
And like that, the Misuzu Typhoon blew in getting the upper hand of even Index.
"Hey, heeey. Do you know where the Dangai University database center is?"
"Hah?"
"Oh, you know…The storage facility that has a whole buncha information on programs dealing with AI and operational software…"
"N-no, you don't have to describe the database center to me. Um, Dangai University is…"
"Oh, right! Let's exchange phone numbers and email addresses!"
"That was sudden!"
"You've exchanged them with Mikoto-chan, riiight? I want in, too. My address is…"
Misuzu carefully lined up some numbers and letters of the alphabet. Mikoto had worked hard and set up a large plan which involved getting a new phone to accomplish this and her mother had done it in all of 3 minutes.
"Okay, okaaay. I've put your number in the 'Friends' category."
"Why does talking with you remind me of Orsola's conversational pattern…?"
Kamijou suddenly felt exhausted and finally managed to tear off Misuzu who had been holding him like a vise.
"Actually, why are you here? You wouldn't have been able to get into Academy City without permission."
"Yes, yeees. Misuzu-san is a college student, so I have to turn in a report. But the data for it is only in Academy City, so I had to come aaaallll the way here."
"So that's why you need to get to the database center… It's not surprising this is the only place with a database on AI."
It seemed the taxi driver was making his escape, but Kamijou glared at him to get him to stop.
"And I thought I'd go see Mikoto-chan while I was heeere. But apparently Tokiwadai's girl's dorm is strict so I couldn't. You can't treat parents like that!"
"…Well, no one's going to believe some drunk who comes saying she's the mother of a student there. And you don't look like a mother at all."
"Oh, this guy just casually complimented meee. But it's not like that. I work haaaard to stay like this. I swim around in an indoor pool each week and put on a moisturizing cream after taking a bath. And if I slack off even a bit, it all falls apart. Kwaah! I hate you teenagers with perfect skin even though you don't do anything!!"
Misuzu started acting violently, but the alcohol must have been taking even more effect because her footing seemed unstable. This was good because Kamijou was able to grab the taxi driver who was trying to escape again and had him help get Misuzu into the back of the taxi.
"Heeey! I'm not done yeeeet!!"
"Yeah, yeah. We can finish this conversation some other time when that alcohol's had a chance to leave your system."
"Dammit! You're treating me like a child!!"
Misuzu tried to continue, but Kamijou waved his hand and the taxi driver drove off with a look on his face that said, "Is she really going to be able to pay me?". Kamijou heard the sound of the car's exhaust in the distance and sighed.
"Now then…"
Kamijou suddenly felt the presence of someone seething with anger behind him and shuddered.
The source of this presence was of course the nun holding a calico cat.
"How am I going to get out of this one?"