Things between Sensei and I have been somewhat complicated ever since that day. Sensei returned to his usual self; his treatment towards me was no different form the way it had always been
It made me wonder if I'd been wrong about the look in Sensei's eyes.
Maybe Sensei had no intention of crossing the line.
I on the other hand, have been a mess.
My mind keeps drifting to that day—unable to forget it. Sensei's touches, his voice, his tenderness, the wild desire in his eyes when he kissed me, broke me—claimed me as his and his alone.
He may have forgotten about it but my body didn't. It craved him—more of him
There was no moving on from Sensei for me.
Even now as he stood infront of the class teaching, I still wanted him.
My senses had blocked out very other sound but his. What was I to do now?
I was completely hung up.
"You'd drill a hole in me if you keep staring do intently."
His voice seemed to be alot closer now, I blinked snapping out of my daze.
Sensei was right infront me yet I had no idea. My cheeks flushed my gaze turning to the rest of the class. There was no one except us.
"It's lunch break. The bell rung minutes ago. What were you thinking about?" Sensei asked.
My cheeks turned a deep shade of red. I bit my lower lip embarrassed.
"N-nothing." came my stuttering reply.
Sensei chuckled. He sounded intrigued, "Sehyun doesn't think I'd believe that right…. It's obvious what you're thinking about."
My body stiffened.
Was I that readable?
I looked at him my eyes searching his. "What does Sensei think I was thinking about?"
He walked round the table and grasped my hand. He stared at me a smile on his face. "What else does Sehyun think about aside I?" It wasn't a question rather it was a fact.
My lips parted but I couldn't find words.
Sensei's hand gripped mine as if he was never going to let go. His touch made my skin tingle—Not in a good way.
"Let's go have lunch."
He pulled me along with him out of the class.
I followed behind him my eyes fixated on our interwined hands. I could feel flutters in my belly.
Sensei wasn't walking fast, it was almost as if he were relishing the moment. I was undoubtedly aware of the passing stares as we walked through the hallway. The unspoken words that lingered.
Definitely, gossips would begin circulating.
Did Sensei really not mind? Holding my hand like this during school hours?
We arrived at the rooftop. Sensei pulled me towards the bench. "Sit." A feel of nostalgia washed over me almost immediately. I tensed up, the excitement I felt moments ago fading.
I sat.
Sensei finally let go of my hand. They dropped by side as though casted away. Sensei sat beside me unpacking the boxes.
He had packed only one box.
He passed me a chopstick with a small smile. "Eat up."
I gazed at the chopsticks, at the perfectly layered dumplings in the box then back at Sensei.
My throat went dry. Was this a farewell meal?
"What about Sensei's?" I asked trying not to sound scared but I couldn't help it. Sensei smile widened. "From now on, Sehyun, I'll be packing just one box."
I paled. The chopsticks slipped from my hand clattering on the floor.
Sensei was going to leave me?
"Why? Did I do anything wrong to Sensei?" I asked panicked. "If this is about that day then…." My eyes stung with tears. "Sensei just forget about it, I'll never bother Sensei again so please…"
My voice broke. "Don't leave me."
I sounded desperate but I didn't care. If I could be with Sensei, I'd gladly become thick skinned.
Sensei picked up a dumpling. "Open up." He said as if he didn't hear what I said.
My lips parted about to say something else, something to persuade Sensei but Sensei immediately placed the dumplings in my mouth.
"Eat up. It's layered with lots of meat."
Eh?
Meat?
How did he..
"Last time, I noticed Sehyun ate more of meaty dishes so, I stayed up all night just to prepare this." He gave me an expectant look. One I could never resist.
I chewed subconsciously my eyes glistening. This was beyond delicious. The dumpling was perfectly cooked, the meat warm and tender. Combined, it made me feel exceptionally happy. The earlier worry I had melted immediately as I swallowed.
Sensei picked another. "Here." A satisfied smile spread on his face.
I opened up once more biting down on the dumpling. My eyes carved into slits as I relished the taste.
"Sehyun, from now on, don't speak such negative words anymore. How is it that you're filled with those thoughts whenever you're with me?" Sensei asked he sounded upset.
I swallowed. "What does Sensei mean? Wasn't Sensei going to—" my voice trailed off
"Leave you?" Sensei helped me finish.
I winced.
Sensei flicked my head. "What do you take me for? I don't go around cooking for someone I have no interest in."
Eh?
I felt my heart jump. "Then why has Sensei been distant?"
"That's because…" Sensei dropped the lunchbox. He took out his phone and showed me a picture. A picture of the orbs I'd gifted him that day.
"I was searching for this. I felt bad about losing a gift you had prepared for me and I we were to go from being teacher and student to something else, then I didn't want to start on a wrong foot. I didn't want to lead you on untill I found it."
That way why Sensei seemed distant. He was searching for this.
And here, I'd thought he didn't want me.
"Sensei didn't have to go looking for this, it wasn't that important, Auntie gave it to me…" my throat constricted. I was so touched I could cry.
Sensei was this considerate.
"It doesn't matter. Sehyun gifted it, so, it's important to me."
He beamed at me. His eyes filled with a tenderness I was yet accustomed to.
Tears slid down my cheek.
I-I-I didn't deserve him at all. The love Sensei showered, I was undeserving of it.
"Sensei…I'm sorry…. I completely misunderstood…" I buried my face in my palm overwhelmed with guilt. My shoulders shaking.
"Sehyun…." Sensei voice drawled.
"Look at me."
My hands slowly dropped, my head rising to meet his. Tears blurred my vision. Sensei gently wiped them with the crook of his sleeve.
"I hate seeing you cry."
He held my chin up leaning in towards me. His eyes turning dark filled with something I failed to recognize. "The only time Sehyun's permitted to cry is out of pleasure." Sensei added his voice low and thick with an overwhelming hint of possessiveness
This version of Sensei, made me scared yet at the same time, it made me feel so safe. It made me want to entrust my entire being in Sensei's hands.
This version of Sensei was a side he'd never shown to anyone but me.
It made me feel special.
Sensei loved me. I was sure if it now than ever. I, was never going to doubt Sensei's feelings.
Ever.
My lips parted.
"Sensei, I like you a lot."
Sensei's eyes darkened further. His hands slid down to my waist pulling me closer towards him. His grip on my waist firm—so firm I thought I was going to break.
"I know."
He claimed my lips. His motions rough but his touch gentle. Like he was scared of hurting me—scared I'd run if he showed me his other side.
A side I was curious about. A side I wanted to know and understand. A side I wanted to love.
My eyes closed. I moaned into the kiss.
Sensei, I promise to love you.
All of you.