I wandered around my room like someone searching for something they couldn't name. I wanted to help Rafael… needed to help him. But the more I thought about it, the emptier I felt. No ideas came, no words felt enough.
And still, a strange courage began to grow in my chest. I don't know where it came from. I just know that when I noticed, I was already going to the nightstand, grabbing my phone and my earphones as if that would solve anything.
I went down the stairs slowly. The ground floor was quiet, but the landlord was on the porch, sitting and watching the street. He lifted his eyes at me, and that look was almost a push.
— He's still in his room.
I nodded. I didn't even have a voice to answer.
When I stepped inside the house, my footsteps echoed more than they should have. I walked down the hallway and stopped in front of Rafael's door. I took a deep breath and knocked once, softly.
Nothing.
I tried again.
Silence.
I leaned closer, almost pressing my mouth to the wood.
— It's me… can I come in?
Still nothing.
My heart tightened, but that strange courage — the one I still can't explain — made me try anyway. I turned the doorknob slowly, and the door opened.
And there he was.
Lying on the floor, curled up on the rug beside the bed. The entire world compressed into a body that looked like it was trying to disappear.
I froze in the doorway for a few seconds. Then I moved, not because I knew what to do, but because I couldn't stand still.
I put on my favorite song on the phone. I lay down on the floor beside him, slow and careful. No touching. No talking. Just letting presence exist.
Gently, I placed one earphone in his ear. The other in mine.
We stayed like that for a few songs. Time felt like it melted.
Until he spoke, quiet, voice rough:
— You're going to stay here all day?
— Probably — I answered, playing with the earphone cord. — I don't have anything better to do.
He opened his eyes slowly and stared at the ceiling.
— Are you hungry?
— I feel like I'm going to starve to death.
— Then go eat something.
— Only if I can share it with you.
He let out an irritated sigh. Not real irritation — the kind from someone fighting something much bigger than a simple request.
I shifted on the rug, crossing my arms.
— A human being can survive a few days without eating, you know?
He turned his face to me. His eyes were red, hours of crying lingering in them.
— Today is my mom's birthday.
My chest sank inward.
— I don't want my dad to see me like this — he continued. — But I also don't have the strength to pretend I'm okay. So… — he closed his eyes for a moment, as if weighing every word — just… help me not make anything worse, okay?
I took a deep breath, absorbing everything without knowing where to store it.
— Your dad doesn't need to see anything, Rafael — I said softly. — We can leave. Stay out the whole day if you want. Somewhere calm, somewhere beautiful. I think… I think your mom would want to see you comfortable today. Not hurting.
He stared at me. Longer than I could hold. My face warmed, but I kept his gaze.
— Is that really what you think?
I nodded.
He was the one who stood up first. Then he leaned down and offered me his hand.
When I took it, he pulled me gently to my feet.
— Okay — he said. — I'll trust you. And maybe… maybe that'll make my dad less worried.
I smiled softly.
When I mentioned that the landlord was outside, I told him he didn't need to say anything, that I would handle it. Rafael didn't answer. He just grabbed the jacket hanging over the chair, movements slow, heavy.
While he put it on, I went to the corner, grabbed his sneakers, and set them neatly on the floor in front of his feet. A small gesture, silly even… but when I looked up, I found his eyes on me.
He sat at the edge of the bed and tied his shoelaces. He had barely finished the second knot when I grabbed his hand without thinking and tugged.
Rafael stood without protest.
I walked down the hallway with him behind me, his steps following mine. His hand was cold, rigid, but he didn't pull it away.
When we reached the porch, the landlord lifted his eyes from the newspaper, worry barely hidden in the wrinkles on his forehead. Before he could say anything, I spoke:
— I'm kidnapping Rafael for the day — I said with a small, forced smile. — You don't have to worry. He'll be in good hands.
He stared at me for a few seconds. Then he simply nodded, slowly, in a gesture of trust I wasn't sure I deserved.
Rafael didn't say anything, just stood beside me like he was waiting for the next instruction.
So I tugged his hand again, firmer this time.
— Let's go.
We stepped through the gate.
We walked only a few meters. Rafael followed behind me quietly, not asking where or why, just holding my hand like that was enough. I had no idea where to go either, until I saw a bus pulling into the terminal. The same bus I had taken with him before. I squeezed his hand and started running. He came with me without hesitation.
We got on the bus in silence. A few stops later, we got off. I kept thinking: please, don't let me be choosing wrong. We walked through the higher streets of the city. Houses faded behind us as we climbed the hill.
Only then did he break the silence.
— You're taking me to the overlook? — he asked, voice too quiet for the distance I felt inside him.
My cheeks burned.
— I… — I breathed, trying not to sound as lost as I felt — I barely know this city. But when I think of a beautiful place… one that gives me good feelings… I remember this one. And I thought… maybe it could work for you too.
He looked at me. A look so vulnerable it made me want to hold his face in both hands.
We reached the top. The overlook was empty, the whole city stretching ahead of us, quiet, distant. I silently thanked the universe for the solitude. He didn't need crowds… he needed air.
I led him to the stone bench and sat beside him for a moment. He didn't say anything. Just stared out at the view, like he was trying to anchor himself to it.
— I'll leave you here for a second — I murmured, leaning closer. — I saw a little bar down the hill… I'll grab something for us to eat and come right back.
He didn't look away from the horizon, just nodded slowly, too lost for any reaction.
I released his hand—the same one I'd been holding since his room—and placed it gently on his knee, a small, almost silly goodbye gesture.
— I'll be quick, okay?
No answer. No change in his face. Just his silence.
I took a deep breath… and went.