Classes had never felt so long as they did that day. The clock's hands dragged, and every explanation from the teachers seemed to come in slow motion. Notes, exercises, even coffee breaks… nothing passed fast enough.
My heart seemed to have turned into an anxious stopwatch, ticking not for the next exam, but for the moment when I could finally go to the library.
I sighed for the fifth time that morning.— Helena, what's happening to you? — I asked myself silently, annoyed.
I knew Rafael was handsome — it would be impossible to deny it. I also knew the mystery around him only made me more curious. But that was it. Or at least it should have been. There was no reason for my heart to leap every time I saw him, nor for my mind to be filled with him when I should have been buried in equations.
When the last class finally wound to an end, my hands were cold and my legs… my legs didn't seem to cooperate. The distance between the classroom building and the library had never felt so long. Either my legs were too short, or I was too slow… or maybe it was just anxiety playing tricks on me.
I grumbled in my head at every step, laughing at myself.What a silly idea. If we had exchanged phone numbers, I could already know if he's there. No need to be marching across campus like this is a marathon…
At last, I arrived. The smell of paper and silence wrapped around me the moment I stepped into the library. I looked around the ground floor, but no sign of Rafael. I pressed my lips together, remembering there was still the second floor.
I climbed the stairs, heart pounding. And then I saw him.
Right in the first row, leaning over a geometry book, completely disconnected from the world. His concentration was so intense that for a moment I thought of turning back, just so I wouldn't interrupt. But my legs carried me to him without asking permission.
— I envy you — I said, trying to sound casual. — You can focus so much on that book…
He raised his face. His expression was calm, almost serene. He didn't look annoyed, which was already progress.
I pulled out the chair in front of him, but Rafael immediately complained.— You'll end up solving math upside down if you sit there! — he muttered.
With a gesture, he pulled the chair beside him and pointed at it. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest.
I sat down slowly, trying not to look too nervous. I pulled the book from my backpack, but before I could open it, he took it from my hands — not with his usual firmness, but with a gentleness that disarmed me.
— Let's see how far you've studied.
He flipped through the pages calmly, until he stopped at an exercise.— Here. Do this one. I want to see how you solve it.
I swallowed hard. Took a deep breath and started scribbling. Within minutes, I was already lost among angles and formulas that didn't fit together. Rafael leaned closer, pointing with his pencil.
— You're making it too complicated. — His voice was firm, but not impatient. — Think of the triangle like a puzzle. If you already have two sides, the third doesn't need to be a mystery.
He explained it again, in simple words, and suddenly the equation that had seemed impossible opened up before me.
— I… I get it — I murmured, surprised. — How can you say you don't have the patience to teach, when you didn't even raise your voice at me?
The corner of his mouth seemed to threaten a smile.— A miracle. Don't get used to it.
And time passed. When I realized, the library was already emptying. I was exhausted, but also strangely satisfied. For the first time, math seemed to make sense.
We left together, in silence, until we reached home. I opened the gate, ready to go in, but Rafael stood outside.
— Aren't you coming in? — I asked, surprised.
— I have to go somewhere. — he replied, curtly.
— Then… why did you walk me here?
He took a second to answer. He looked at me with an expression hard to decipher and simply said:
— Maybe I just don't trust the world when you're in it without anyone around.
And before I could ask what he meant by that, he had already turned his back, vanishing into the night.
I stayed standing at the doorway, my heart beating unevenly. His words echoed in my mind, strong enough to follow me into sleep.