Chapter 23: Why Are You So Obsessed with That Stink Bomb?//Patreon
"Professor, what do you want to ask us?"
"Let's set my questions aside for now…"
Melvin glanced at the books on their desks, then at the notes in his own notebook. His tone was calm and gentle.
"What are you two working on?"
"Discussing alchemy problems."
"Why are you so obsessed with developing a urine stink bomb?"
"Our dream is to open a magic prank shop like Zog's Joke Shop! The stink bombs made from feces will be our signature product…"
George and Fred answered in turns.
"So you're making a urine stink bomb."
"That's right!"
"How's the progress?"
"We have a new idea."
"Tell me." Melvin leaned forward.
The twins suddenly felt the distance between them and their professor shrink. It was strange yet comforting. For some reason, they felt sure he wouldn't report them to Professor McGonagall.
George relaxed and began explaining.
"Before, we struggled to get Muggle chemicals, but then realized the idea behind a urine bomb is to disperse the stench through an explosion. Ammonia and metallic sodium aren't irreplaceable. Many magical materials can do the same thing."
Fred flipped open his notebook, showing some crude sketches while speaking with mild excitement.
"Ammonia can be replaced by dragon urine. My brother Charlie breeds dragons in Romania, and he brought me half a bottle last summer. Professor, you probably haven't smelled it before it's powerful enough to knock someone out for minutes. Much worse than ammonia!
As for metallic sodium, we can replace it with pyrotechnic fireworks. They spread widely and explode safely."
Melvin nodded.
"A very clever idea."
He praised their ingenuity but only that. "However, from a product-development perspective, your design is terrible. This urine bomb is doomed to fail."
"Why?"
George and Fred's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Muggle wisdom: to design a successful product, you must balance multiple factors user demand, feasibility, and market competition…" Melvin saw their confusion and waved it off. "Forget it. You wouldn't understand all that. I'll just explain your design flaws from two angles."
"First, cost control. Dragon urine is used for herb fertilizers or repelling wild animals. It's not rare, but it's not cheap either several Sickles per ounce. And Feliba's fireworks are high-end goods. How much would it cost to make urine bombs using them? Would you even make a profit? Regular poo stink bombs on the market sell for the same price as one of those fireworks."
"Second, audience psychology. Your customers are mostly underage wizards. You're making jokes, not biological weapons. You've considered explosion power but not psychological impact. The smell of urine isn't just physical; it's personal and humiliating."
George and Fred fell silent as the professor spoke. Gradually, their thoughts began to clear like a fog lifting.
Melvin tapped their notebooks.
"Pranks should make people laugh. Using ammonia is fine it only smells like urine, but it's not real. People can laugh it off, clean up with a spell, and keep playing.
"But real urine? Imagine getting splashed. Could you really clean it off with a charm? Even if you showered and changed, you'd still feel disgusting. Would that make anyone happy?"
He looked at them seriously.
"Light teasing is humor. Excessive offense is malicious harassment. Fecal bombs don't use real feces that's why they're acceptable. Likewise, urine bombs can't use real urine. Otherwise, how are you any different from Peeves?"
George and Fred froze.
"We're not like Peeves!" they blurted, shaking their heads quickly.
Although their design was harshly criticized, neither felt discouraged. Instead, they felt enlightened.
For years, their pranks had been guided purely by passion and instinct. They dreamed of one day opening the greatest joke shop, bringing laughter to everyone. But they never knew how to make that dream real. They lacked theory, direction and no one had ever told them what a true prank meant.
Now, for the first time, someone had given them a framework:
A good prank should be fun for both the prankster and the target.
Professor Lewynter had given them light clarity where there had only been confusion.
"The product's effect is one aspect," Melvin said with a smile, "but understanding your audience is another. I'm glad you see that. Now, let's dismantle this and redesign it."
Fred crossed out the old sketch. George blinked, then remembered their first question.
"Professor what was it you wanted to ask us?"
"I wanted your opinion on prank products."
Melvin picked up a Zog's Joke Shop catalog.
"You two know this better than anyone. Tell me are there any pranks that can affect a wizard's actions, maybe make them nervous or uneasy without harming them? Ideally, something with a slightly intimidating element."
"Something that hinders actions…"
"Something intimidating…"
George and Fred tilted the catalog so he could see:
The shop's bestseller, the Fecal Stink Bomb, explodes with a selectable stench intensity.
The Snapping Snuffbox, which violently bites the victim's nose when touched.
The Back-to-School Fireworks, which ignite on contact with water and can't be extinguished by normal spells, flying off as dragons and phoenixes.
The Clown Box, which opens to launch a spring-loaded hook…
Even after the last page, Melvin found nothing that interested him.
Too classic. Too recognizable.
Anyone who knew Zog's would spot them immediately which, in a way, proved how successful they were.
"I'm sure you two will make even better things someday," he said, shaking his head and turning to leave.
"Goodbye, Professor."
As they watched him go, George whispered,
"What he's describing sounds like a cursed dark object, doesn't it?"
"Yeah… Dark artifacts can hurt people, but maybe he means old, damaged ones like the ghoul in our attic."
"…"
Melvin paused mid-step, frowning slightly as their words sank in.
(End of Chapter)