Chapter 56: The Umbrella of Yesterday
The Bureau was currently operating at a "Controlled Chaos" level of 92.5%, which was exactly where Ne Job liked it. But at 10:00 Cycles, a temporal rift opened in the middle of the breakroom. It didn't look like a swirling vortex; it looked like a tear in cheap, yellowed newsprint.
Out stepped a man. He wore a crisp, un-singed trench coat, a hat without a silver plume, and he carried a perfectly mundane black umbrella. He looked 100% like Ne Job, but his face lacked the weary, battle-hardened "7.5% Sparkle" of the current Commissioner.
This was Chapter 1 Ne Job. And he looked absolutely horrified.
"What," the Younger Ne Job whispered, staring at the dragon Barnaby who was currently using a filing cabinet as a scratching post, "is the meaning of this administrative nightmare?"
The Paradox of the Plain
"Who invited the 'Draft Version'?" The Muse asked, her hair sparking with a confused neon-green.
"I am the High Commissioner of the Bureau of Cosmic Alignment!" Younger Ne Job declared, brandishing his umbrella like a weapon. "I have come forward in time because I sensed a catastrophic breach in 'Standard Operating Procedure.' Why is there a disco-galaxy in the archives? Why is the secretary a steam-powered typewriter? And why," he pointed a trembling finger at the current Ne Job, "are you wearing a feather in your hat? We are Archivists, not musketeers!"
"Listen, kid—or, well, me," the current Ne Job sighed, rubbing his temples. "A lot has happened in fifty-six chapters. We've had audits, edits, and existential crises. The 'Standard Procedure' got eaten by a Void Drake around Chapter 12."
The Umbrella's Secret
The Younger Ne Job wasn't listening. He was frantically checking the "Trajectory Logs" on a nearby desk. "Everything is wrong! The lines are silver! The margins are talking! I must reset the timeline to the 'Pristine Draft'! I have the Umbrella of Yesterday—it can revert any scene to its original, boring state!"
He swung the umbrella. As the tip touched the floor, a wave of "Grayness" began to spread. The neon lights flickered out, replaced by flickering fluorescent bulbs. The dragon started to turn into a very large, very confused golden retriever.
"He's deleting the progress!" Pip shouted, their goggles turning into simple wire-rimmed spectacles. "He's trying to turn the 'Legend' back into a 'Summary'!"
The 7.5% Mid-Life Crisis
"Stop it!" Ne Job roared, drawing his silver stapler. "You think you want the 'Pristine Draft'? You were lonely! You spent your days filing 'Uninteresting Commutes' and eating lukewarm soup! You didn't even know the Semicolon was alive!"
"It was ordered!" Younger Ne Job countered. "It was safe! There were no Red Pens in the sky! There were no long-distance calls from the Void!"
"There was no story," Ne Job retorted. "A story is the record of things going wrong until they go right. You're just the 'Before' picture. I'm the 'After'—and the 'After' has a dragon and a better wardrobe!"
The Temporal Staple
The Younger Ne Job lunged with the umbrella, trying to "Reset" the current Ne Job's plumed hat. Ne Job dodged and, in a move he'd learned during the "Disco of the Spheres," performed a rhythmic slide and KA-CHUNKED his silver stapler directly onto the umbrella's fabric.
The silver staple acted as a "Narrative Anchor." It pinned the Umbrella of Yesterday to the Current Moment.
The gray wave hit the silver staple and shattered. The dog turned back into Barnaby (who let out an indignant huff), the neon lights roared back to life, and the "Pristine" Ne Job found himself suddenly overwhelmed by fifty-six chapters of memories hitting him all at once.
The Integration
The Younger Ne Job collapsed into a chair, his black umbrella now permanently stained with a silver-staple mark. He looked at the plumes, the dragon, and the Hybrid Yue.
"I... I had no idea," he whispered. "I thought I was being efficient. I didn't realize I was just... empty."
"You weren't empty," Ne Job said, helping his younger self up. "You were just the first sentence. You had to happen so the rest of this could exist."
With a soft pop, the Younger Ne Job began to fade. He wasn't being deleted; he was being Integrated. His memories of the "Simpler Times" merged with the current Ne Job, providing a 7.5% increase in "Administrative Focus."
The Legacy of the Rain
The rift closed. The black umbrella remained on the floor—a gift from the past.
Ne Job picked it up. It was no longer a weapon of deletion; it was just a very sturdy, very loyal umbrella.
LOG: CHAPTER 56 SUMMARY.
STATUS: Temporal paradox resolved. Past self-integrated.
NOTE: I now remember exactly what that lukewarm soup tasted like. It was terrible.
OBSERVATION: Progress is a one-way street. You can't go back to Chapter 1, and honestly, why would you want to?
P.S.: I'm keeping the umbrella. It's 100% waterproof and 7.5% sentimental.
The Muse leaned over his shoulder, her hair back to its electric-neon brilliance. "You okay, Ne Job? That looked... heavy."
Ne Job opened the black umbrella over his desk. "I'm fine, Muse. I just realized that the only thing more dangerous than a dragon or an editor is a version of yourself that's afraid to grow."
He looked at the Semicolon. It was glowing with a deep, wise violet.
"Now," Ne Job said, "let's deal with the fact that Assistant Yue-B from the 'Department of Atmosphere' has started a 'Power-Suit Revolution' in the sub-basement."