(Two weeks later)
The air was hot and a hotter body clung to his body, his body was sticky and he felt like he would choke to death.
Bei Shang swallowed before putting his fingers around Mitch collar and pulling him.
"Mitch…Mitch it's too hot for a hug"
Mitch raised his head " What? I don't feel hot"
Bei Shang lips twitched. The boy saying he didn't feel hot , had beads of sweat running down his face and his hair were glued to his forehead, his collar was so wet , he could drain water from it.
He rubbed Mitch's cheek " You have never been this clingy. What is happening?" he raised a finger when Mitch opened his mouth " The truth Okie dokie ?"
Mitch bit his lip , it took a full minute before he answered " Dad told me that you are a man"
Bei Shang blinked " huh?"
"Dad said you're a man , I didn't understand it but he said it goes a long way in making you comfortable "
Bei Shang wasn't expecting Nick to ever tell Mitch the truth about his gender, he had resigned to his fate that he will be considered a woman to Mitch till he leaves or dies.
"Did he say anything about xingfu?"
"Huh ?" Mitch tinted his head "Who is xingfu?"
It turned out He haven't told Mitch about his real mom yet, but at least half of the problem was solved already.
"Did Nick mention anything else?"
"Who is xingfu?" Mitch asked again
"She's a important person, that's all I can tell you "
"Why can't you tell me more?"
"Because I can't tell you yet"
There was a thick silence between them before Mitch slowly nodded, his thoughts unknown.
"Oh okay"
Bei Shang felt his suspended heart fall down back into his chest.
Mitch sniffed and placed his head back on Bei Shang chest " Dad said that when you wake up , I shouldn't let you go out no matter what. He also said I should keep you safe , I should make sure you eat your meals and I should make sure you don't get injured"
Bei Shang rubbed Mitch's hair, the hair have reached his shoulders already, Should he help the little boy to cut it or should he let it grow out like Nick's own? "Anything else?"
Mitch lips tightened into a grimace and he covered his face " Dad just wanted me to ummm"
"Hmm I am listening"
"He said I should watch you …mom are you smiling?"
Nothing had changed, before Nick nosiness would have been a source of distress , now he couldn't help but embrace this side like a warm blanket.
Bei Shang lowered his lips to Mitch's ear "Mitch, do you want to cut your hair?"
Mitch shook his head "No"
He looked around and cupped his hand around Mitch's ear, Mitch couldn't help but let out a chuckle.
"Mom …it tickles"
"I know… Do you want to go to the northern border with me?" he tilted his head and smiled with a air of mischief " We should pay your dad a visit?"
💖💖💖
They left without informing anyone. Bei Shang had packed three large bags filled with dry rations, water, and spare clothing. His Dao was beginning to circulate again, and surprisingly, the demon realm had an abundance of Dao energy, making it convenient for him to absorb. Even if they went days without finding an inn, he planned to reserve the essentials for Mitch while relying on meditation to replenish his energy.
"Mom , when will we come back?"
Bei Shang adjusted the bags on his shoulders then grab Mitch's hand in a protective stance " In a month "
"Won't aunty Kate be worried?"
"She will but I already left a letter " he tugged on Mitch's hand and he followed quietly" Good boy"
The Huli Jing clan was guarded but he had used the blind spots to leave with Mitch. They will probably get a scolding from Kate but he was assured that they won't get killed. Kate was a bit more rational compared to her brother.
He didn't want to stay in the palace, the palace reminded him too much of his first life , he also didn't want to see King Winter for now, he can't help but associate Xue Xin who caused the chaos in the first life with Winter who cares for Nick in his third life.
Most importantly, he wanted to see Nick. He wanted to hold him , touch his face and run his fingers though his hair. He wanted to reassure himself that Nick had came back.
He hurt Nick a few times but Nick was a forgiving person, he would apologize and maybe…
"Mom"
Bei Shang blinked and rubbed Mitch's hair "Yes? Are you hungry?"
Mitch shook his head " No , I just wanted to say that we can board a carriage, I see people entering carriages since we got here "
" Oh yes " he smiled and rubbed the soft hair gently again " Good boy"
"Mom , is everything okay?"
Bei Shang nodded " Okay"
Perhaps it was because of the carriage , the journey didn't take a long time. It took three days on foot and carriages , and there was inns on the way to ask directions as well as rest.
Mitch was well behaved, following at his side and providing for his self care needs. He still called him mom but he used male terms now to talk to him.
His thoughts went to Nick . He now has a family in this life and he wasn't isolated anymore, he managed to have a well behaved son , a caring sister , a concerned dad and the post as a demon general. Yes there are hiccups on the way , but he was cared for.
He doesn't need Taohua again.
Bei Shang let out a sigh and rubbed his chest, the pain in his chest didn't go away, it stood there as if mocking him.
He shouldn't have gotten his memories back, he should have been oblivious about everything till he died , wasn't that why he sealed his memories in the first place? does he have to leave again? Won't Nick be pissed if he …
"Mom?"
Bei Shang snapped out of it and rubbed mitch hair as usual " Yes?"
"Mom , what are you always thinking about?"
Bei Shang laughed awkwardly and rubbed his nose " Nothing much , just missed your dad so much "
"But you don't look happy "
The wind carried the words into the air , it was just the casual observation of a child, but the impact on his psyche was huge.
It wasn't that he wasn't happy, he was just too worried. The Heavens have never been kind to Nick and him.
Bei Shang gave a small smile before carrying Mitch into his arms. Mitch let out a yelp before letting out a laugh.
"Mom!!!"
"This is my first time carrying you right? " Bei Shang kissed his cheek before letting out a soft sigh " You grew up so fast "
"I am only 11 years old mom"
"You were eight when I first saw you " Bei Shang smiled before raking his fingers through his hair , his voice was soft " Mitch , can I ask you for a favor?"
Mitch nod his head with enthusiasm.
" Mitch … can you promise me you will take care of your dad ?" Seeing Mitch was listening intently, he continued " Your dad …he's a good man but he can be controlling at times. Don't get angry at him , it's the only way he can show love and protection, he gets hurt easily so watch your words around him , you can be dissatisfied with him but don't say you hate him okay?"
"Your dad doesn't take it too well when he is left behind, if you ever plan on leaving at an older age , make sure you tell him. If it's possible, don't leave too early, allow him to digest the situation. When his controlling tactics get too much, get firm with him; don't hurt him but be firm with him… "
"Mom…why are you telling me all this ?"
Bei Shang eyes got blurry and he hugged Mitch to himself, his voice cracked " Mitch …ensure that you take good care of yourself. I know you are a good boy but you're prone to passive anger so make sure you learn to express your emotions, many people aren't mind readers , brush your teeth everyday and pay attention to sword practice "
"Mom …you're scaring me " Mitch hugged his neck tighter" Are you planning on leaving me again?"
Bei Shang didn't reply, he patted Mitch's back for a while before starting to walk , he didn't drop Mitch down and he didn't ask to be dropped down either.
As they came closer, they occasionally come across signs of skirmishes between border patrols and bandits. Bei Shang kept Mitch close, waking him up to eat and use the bathroom but carrying him throughout the journey.
💕💕💕
The last night in the borders, Mitch suddenly asked a question. Bei Shang had been trying to kindle fire while Mitch helps by fanning the flames.
"Mom , what is love?"
Bei Shang looked up "Love?"
"Yes"
"Love… " Bei Shang lowered his head and continued to work on the wood , his voice was soft "Love is something only you can define , nobody can define love accurately "
"What is it to you mom?"
"Add more strength to your wrist…"
"Mom!"
"I will answer, I am just collecting my thoughts " Bei Shang cleared his throat
" Love is complicated. You might be angry at someone, so angry that you sometimes cry yourself to sleep, the both of you argue all the time sometimes getting all mean and hurtful, even going to the extent of hitting each other , there's getting to know each other problems, one behavior is clingy , the other likes to be left alone" Bei Shang chuckled "Recipe for disaster "
" Still you can't imagine life without that person. Yes , you two get so angry at each other, but once you get sick , the other almost loses their head trying to make you feel better, there's arguments and fights but you starts wondering if your words are too mean , there's getting to know each other problems but you still know each other like the back of their hands "
"Life isn't complete without that person. You don't know when that person go from being a passersby to the center of your world."
A fisherman, A prince , A enemy rebel , A merman , A princess,An aristocrat , A general.
This man had appeared in front of him so many times and in different forms; Worlds apart , with personalities so black bellied they rivaled Guayin herself.
However that black bellied man still became the center of his world everytime. Bei Shang was annoyed yet he couldn't help but choose him, over his duty , over his divinity, over his very self.
The wood caught fire and Bei Shang collected the fan from Mitch to start feeding the fire oxygen.
Mitch stared at him "You and Dad's words are different yet similar"
"Huh?"
Mitch lowered his head into the crook of his arm , his voice was soft.
"Dad said love is holding on to someone even though it's hard. You said love is when someone becomes the center of your world. It's like you are both talking about each other …Do you love Dad?"
"…."
Bei Shang lowered his eyes, his voice was soft.
"Yes "
They arrived at the northern border the next day , they found a small settlement nestled between the mountains.
The settlement was guarded by a huge fortress and soldiers with armours walked around. Occasionally some women joked with the soldiers and place the blushing soldiers hands on their breasts.
It was like any typical solider fortress.
Bei Shang walked closer and stood at the gate. A solider looked at him, his eyes were quite friendly , compared to his aura.
"Who are you looking for?"
"General autumn"
The man looked him over before looking at the Mitch currently sleeping in his arms , there was a brief contemplation before he snapped his fingers in recognition.
"Oh you're the Princess peach blossom and his son Prince windfall?"
Bei Shang didn't know that he had already gotten his title by the commoners. Princess peach blossom? How much of a coincidence that they picked his godhood title.
General Taohua, princess peach blossom.
Bei Shang nod his head " Yes , I am "
"Are you with a permit ?"
Bei Shang shook his head " I am not with a permit. If you're suspicious you can tell Nick - I mean general Autumn to see me here "
The man shook his head " There's no need about that " he opened the enormous gate , a big smile on his face " I will take you to him "
The world behind the gates were much more communal than the world outside. Soldiers and civilians interacted freely and some were even selling wares.
Mitch mumbled some words and Bei Shang whispered and rubbed his hair , his attention now on the path.
The distance to the military camp wasn't that far , but as they came closer, Bei Shang could feel his heart starting to beat louder and faster. When they got to Nick's tent, it was so loud , he couldn't hear the man voice anymore.
If he sees Nick, then what? Should he do his part and then go away? But he just saw his lover again, does he have to leave? He locked his memories for a reason, he buried it for a reason, why did Shifu tell Demon God to open it again?
No , he can't blame Shifu, she did it because of him. He have to remember why he was undergoing this punishment , Demon God also gave him an option too , he was the one …
The tent opened.
Nick still looked the same as before. His shiny white hair have been packed into a tight knot so he couldn't assertain the length , he was wearing a copper armour like the rest of them , yet it managed to look more valiant and strong , his blue eyes were widen in confusion as he stared back into bei Shang eyes.
The long forgotten feelings welled up in his chest. It was like he was back to the first moment he saw Nick.
"Huh …what are you doing here ? Why aren't you at home? Didn't I tell them to not make you leave the house? Why is nobody with you ? " Nick moved closer and carried the sleeping Mitch into his arms, the confusion never leaving his face " Why are you carrying Mitch? Is he sick? Wait you are the one who was sick , when did you wake up ? I …I …"
It was like the thoughts vanished and all he could see was Nick.
'He can be someone important to me without it necessarily meaning love; I am not like the demons who hold affection so significantly it ruins their life, and I am not like the mortals whose affection are fickle and shallow.'
A lump was in Bei Shang throat, his eyes turned blurry.
Without a word, Bei Shang stepped forward, closing the distance between them in a single stride.
"It's been two years"
Bei Shang wanted to reach out , speak but he didn't know what to say. His voice was failing him.
Nick trembled "Bei Shang, look at me"
Bei Shang eyes turned blurry and he couldn't help but sniff.
Inescapably
His voice turned hoarse "I am sorry"
Nick lift his chin up , his eyes were also filled with unshed tears.
"Is that all you have to say?"
"I don't know what else to say" Bei Shang voice cracked and his tears fell "What else can I say?"
"You left me to handle everything alone—Mitch, the house… I had no one to scold me, no one to lean on after a long day in court." He took a shaky breath, his voice cracking . "I wasn't even allowed to grieve properly, sent to the border for over a year. My life was on the line every day."
"What took you so long?" A tear slipped down Nick's cheek as he pinched Bei Shang's chin till it turned red , his voice rising with emotion. "I even lost a tail trying to bring you back !"
Annoyingly
" I am sorry"
"Do you think sorry will fix everything?!" Nick voice broke and he broke into soft sobs " Why do you keep abandoning me ? "
At this point, they don't know if they were talking about the two years separation or their past lives. It swirled , tangling emotions and grievances.
Bei Shang closed his eyes, his body trembled "I don't want to abandon you , the heavens don't want me to be with you "
"If you think that is enough for me to let you go , the heavens are playing a joke!" His eyes swirled with dark emotions " I will destroy the heavens and earth if you leave my side "
Bei Shang had the urge to laugh despite the emotions clogging his throat.
"I know…I know that's why I ask you to trust me a bit more , I am fighting everything just to be by your side. Just… just trust me a little more "
"I will trust you one last time " Nick finally moved closer and hugged him , his grip was not too tight so as not to crush mitch , however Bei Shang could feel the emotions in it "I will trust you because I love you so much
"
Helplessly
In the first life , Bei Shang had cried , praying to the gods to hold his lover once again. In this life, he had scolded him and hurt him , the words undoing to one another.
A tear ran down his cheek as he tightened his hold on Nick Storm Park.
In love with you.