Chapter 28
"But the rest Ed… That's not something to be proud of, to be happy with." Al protested, trying to deny the slight easing of the burden he carried. Something had gone right but it wasn't enough to outweigh the rest of his mistake.
"I'm not happy to be back here? Where do you get that from, Al? You brought me home, to where everyone I love is. To where you are. How can you not be proud of that?" Ed smiled at her brother. "So yes, you can take the blame for that one too. Al, I am so proud of you for what you achieved."
Al frowned moving away from Ed by leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms but was unable to break the eye contact. "And the arm and the gender change? Can you honestly tell me you are happy with them? I know what you're doing Ed, and it won't work. You can't talk me out of this."
"But I can Al and you know it. Look at you, you're all defensive now." Ed paused and then carried on. "My arm? Yes, I am happy with it. It's convenient, it's saved my life so many times and this one is much lighter than the last one. It's a reminder of all we did, of the prices we paid and it reminds me that we succeeded, Al. If this arm is the cost of all we have been through then no I don't regret having it at all."
Here was the hardest part. Brutal honesty was needed here and Ed was not about to shirk it. Only by being so open could he hope to shift the guilt from Al. They usually preferred the beat each other up method simply because talking like this hurt more.
"The gender change? I can't say that I am happy with it and you know that, but neither can I say that I am upset with it. I'm not going to hide from this, Al. If this is irreversible then I will accept it the way we've always accepted things and keep going. This is not going to break us, Al. I have learnt so much this last month and there's still so much more to learn." Ed looked soberly at her brother and grimaced slightly. "It's not so bad being female, Al. At first it was very uncomfortable but I'm getting used to it and all that goes with it. It can be a pain at times and it's hard not to compare to what I was before but honestly Al, I'd rather be stuck this way forever than not be here at all. I told you that when you brought me back and I still mean every word."
Al looked at Ed. He knew Ed was telling the truth. He could see it in her eyes and the slight twitch of her shoulders. The one rule, the only rule of this method of guilt treatment was complete honesty and Ed had given him that. Which meant he was obligated to be equally honest in return. Al sighed. He would have preferred the beating, at least there he would've won.
"I'm not happy that what I did made you like this, Ed. And I don't want this to be permanent. A mistake in my calculations is the cause and whether it was an accident or an oversight on my part, I can't not feel responsible for it. Can you honestly tell me that you don't still feel some guilt or responsibility for what we tried to do all those years ago?" Eyes locked together as Ed nodded in rueful acknowledgement. "I can't let it go completely, Sis… but I will try to not… be so rabid about it."
"That's all I ask Al. We'll get through this just like we have everything else. Two months Al, we can do a lot in that time."
"I'll get the Brigadier-General to hold off my resignation until then. We'll be able to access all the libraries." Al nodded to himself and Ed wisely did not argue the point. She knew Al needed to feel that he could contribute something to this, so she kept her voice light.
"Two months of extra servitude? Winry is going to kill you Brother."
Al did not respond. He was thinking hard. He was going to find his error and he was going to fix it.
Early Thursday afternoon in Central found Brigadier-General Roy Mustang signing papers and forms with a concentration and application that brought a smile to the collective faces of his subordinates. They all knew that Alphonse Elric was expected tomorrow and Mustang always got his paperwork done so that he could spend most of the time with Al.
Four years had brought some changes to Roy Mustang. He had become 'dull and boring' according to Captain Havoc or as Hawkeye preferred to phrase it 'mature and responsible'. He had managed to keep 'his' team together through the unrest of four years ago and the recent border skirmishes and was now securely placed in the military hierarchy. Rumour had it that he was in line to replace the current Fuhrer, but Mustang had stopped aiming for that position. With the loss of his eye had come the blunting of his ambition.